DP wants more money

Why write such nonsense? 🥴 By that logic, guests SHOULD have a claim on B&Bs they stay in, and tenants SHOULD have a claim on their landlords property 😄

You need to reclaim your financial independence OP. He is not trustworthy. He drinks too much,to the extent his finances are negatively affected. I wouldn't try to make this fair - it's unlikely to work. You are entitled to nothing, if he dies or you split.He knows that. You therefore need to split ASAP, before you sink any more money into his house and lifestyle. He doesn't give a damn about your security. He isn't treating you like a partner, or blended family. Definitely don't marry him - I see you ending up responsible for his debts, if you do.

Except that the default legal position is that you will have no right to a share of the property, unless you can prove that you have ‘acquired an interest’ in the property by contributing to the mortgage or home improvements.

OP has been contributing to the mortgage. She needs to be able to prove it.

Sod that, I'd be telling him I've decided to pay less as he cant be transparent about how much the bills/mortgage are

Then I'd be saving as much as possible as quickly as possible and I'd be out of there taking my sofa with me!

Stop paying half of his mortgage! That’s insane. Half of bills sure, but not his mortgage.

Why should he give her control of his assets when he has his own children?. This would not be expected from a woman. Theres nothing wrong with her paying her way!

@Itsnotbeeneasy wrote that the man drinks a lot, that’s where his money goes. Awful of them both to inflict this on kids.

why do women keep saying this?

No one has any right @Unexpectedlysinglemum and it's a common misunderstanding.

Unless someone is on the mortgage agreement, legally drawn up and they are a co-owner (and they have a Deed of Trust which decides on the percentage of capital/ equity they contributed initially) they don't have any claim.

Of course it differs if they are married.

This idea that handing over money each month to someone and having a claim on their property is bonkers.

If the OP was a lodger, with a tenancy in writing and paying rent, it's feasible she could have some rights (ie not being forced out) but she has no rights at all and especially no claim on his house.

@Itsnotbeeneasy

this is what I’d do in your situation

1. make plans to leave but tell him nothing.
2. not argue with him, grey rock it .
3. in the meantime, save as much as possible, give him as little money as possible and try to get evidence of what I’d pay already towards his mortgage

I don’t need to tell you how to get a private rental, you are a smart woman with a good income. Start looking tomorrow , it can take months

Give him as little money and info as possible over until you can get out. Tel him anything you like eg your mum / best friend needed a loan to pay her mortgage / bills/ car and you will pay him next week. Tell him this in person ie not by text.

Don’t ague about the crazy expensive sofa, it’s yours anyway if you bought it and your name is on the payment plan.

Do text him ( or ideally email him, but that might make him suspicious unless you usually do that ) and have a discussion about how much you are going to pay going forward. Explain what you’ve done in the past eg

“ when I first moved in in July 2022 you said the mortgage was 1000/ month and you wanted half. So I paid you 500 for the mortgage and 350 for the bills. I also agreed to pay all the food shop and half the council tax.”

” Then in March 2023 I put the bills up to 500, so I paid you 1000/month, 500 for the mortgage and 500 for the bills. So what do you reckon is fair now ? “

Don’t I repeat DONT have this conversation in person, you need a
Record, like a text / emails / recording of a phone call. You are not trying to argue with him and win, you are trying to get proof that you have paid towards the house.

Or charge him 'rent' which is half the sofa price but retain ownership of the sofa like he's doing! Do that on any other furnishings you've brought 😜

Don't pay him anything until he pays you back for his half if the sofa. You shouldn't have to pay anything towards something he won't show you a statement for. There's an amount that's fair to both parties and since you aren't gaining any equity I'd say your contribution is too high.

It sounds like the might need a mediator or counsellor to work this out with him as he's being so secretive. Is it possible the house is paid off or has a very small mortgage so he's taking advantage of you? Or the opposite, that he had a gambling problem or something? Can you pay your contribution directly to the bank?

Do you not have evidence of your bank transfers to him each month?

You SHOULD have a claim to his property or the equity in it if you're paying half his mortgage

The fact she paid it to her partner who then paid the lender is of limited relevance. The amount she paid him was calculated to include her paying half the mortgage. She therefore paid half the mortgage. Stopping your unmarried partner having a claim on your property is not as simple as making sure that their contribution to the mortgage is paid to you, not to the lender.

This! And this alone is exactly why you should get you and your kids out. Is renting great? No but it is better them this. This is such a ridiculous lie it's crazy he even tried to get you to think it was true. It's like saying the sky is green with yellow polka dots. He is purposely taking your money leaving you vulnerable to being homeless and insulting your intelligence with this nonsense lie

Yes but if she’d rented she have so,e security of tenure. A landlord has to give notice and sometimes go to court to get you out.

The PP and her kids could be homeless tonight, if he decides to kick them out. They have no rights .

Get legal advice.
Have you evidence that you contributed to his mortgage?

OP, am assuming you are busy with family stuff and planning to check this thread in private later/when DP is working. Really hope you feel buoyed to start planning your exit and discard the comments about your naivety. Trusting people, especially when you love them, is a common error, but you’re in a strong position to regroup now.

Good luck,

@prh47bridge but she hasn’t paid half the mortgage - she’s paid money into his bank account, where it has joined a pool and he has then paid his mortgage out of that pool of funds. Unless she has set up a SO into a joint account that solely services the mortgage payment or to the mortgage lender directly (and the mortgage company would probably not allow this, I think, as she is not a party to the contract so they always set up a DD with the mortgagee), then she can only say that she has paid DP a monthly amount of cash part of which she understands he may use towards the mortgage.

** would get nothing, should be" could get nothing"..... I know somebody who did contest this after a breakup and they were awarded several thousand, but they had very clear evidence, email trail etc, that it was considered that they had been paying half the mortgage, had paid for a new kitchen etc etc.

Why are you paying this man’s mortgage when your children are at the risk of homeless at his whim?

Women like you frustrate me so much. Look after your children first.

First of all, STOP paying half the mortgage. It is his property, his name on the deeds, his responsibility. If he wants you to pay half then you need to own a percentage of it calculated from when you moved in. If he doesn't want to do that, then that's fine, but you shouldn't be paying his mortgage.

When XH first moved in with me, he paid half of all bills, but nothing towards the mortgage as I didn't want him to be able to claim part of the house if we split up .

You should pay half the bills, but to do that, you need to see the bills. What is he hiding if he won't let you see them? Stop paying him anything until he sits down with the bills so that you can work everything out fairly.

You need a frank honest discussion with him and if he won't co-operate then move out and start paying into something that will be yours.

At the moment as so many PP have said, you have no rights at all, nothing. If he dies without a will, then everything goes to his family , subject to the Intestacy criteria. You would get nothing, even after paying half the mortgage for a period.

The point is that she has paid half the mortgage during the time they have been cohabiting. Therefore, as I said earlier and you denied, she may have a claim to some of the equity in the house. Whether he wants her to have a claim or not is irrelevant.

We don't know how strong her claim is or whether it would be worth her pursuing it. But it is clear from her first post that she may have a claim.

Op that’s really bad, he’s lying to you. Or he’s thick as shit. Of course you seeing the bills doesn’t mean you’ve a claim on his property. He’s not showing you as he’s robbing you. He’s getting you to pay over the odds.

honestlh it’s so distasteful . I’d be done. Seriously. I couldn’t be with someone who wanted to profit from me.

You own nothing and you were in debt but you've been paying his mortgage and even ended up paying more of it than he is... And now he wants more. Of course he does.

If he dies tomorrow you get nothing, unless you have proof you've been paying the mortgage and you're willing to take his kids and family to court to fight about it. You get nothing unless he made a will naming you. and of course he hasn't done that.

STOP talking to him about your money, when he won't even tell you how much the bills are (because every month is free money month for him in this relationship and I bet you're paying more than 50% there too.) If he loved you he would not allow you to sink so much money into an asset you have no legal claim to.