DP wants more money

Don’t tell him what you are earning! In my opinion you should be paying half to everything as you are living there including his mortgage, no more no less. You would be paying half rent if you were renting together.
it sounds like he is trying to get more out of you, not nice. Start playing down what you are earning, tell him you are having a few rough months and save some money to get out of there.

He’s being an abusive arsehole. You need to figure out what’s going to work best for you and your children.

Use some of your income to get legal advice to work out where you currently stand and how you can protect yourself for as long as you’re still in the house. If you’re contributing to the mortgage that does give you a claim but it would be expensive to go to court over and you probably don’t have enough evidence. I’m not a solicitor. However I would have thought that you’re way overpaying on bills etc and that a solicitor would advise that every bill is seen and split 50/50 going forward. If that means you’re paying less than you have been he won’t like it and that might well precipitate him chucking you out, so make sure to get your ducks in a row and save like mad in the meantime. Stop telling him what you earn, it’s irrelevant on the financial basis that you’re both set up. You don’t get anything if he dies unless he has a will saying so (I wouldn’t trust his word on that). There is probably a death ins service payment through his work - wouldn’t trust that he has left that to you either. Don’t spend one penny on his house or extra stuff until this is sorted. (Take the sofa with you when you go).

See a solicitor, before you get in any deeper and if it all goes tits up and you have to leave with little/nothing then just take the getting out of debt and getting rid of this dead weight of a man as a massive win and move on.

When my ex lived in my house, he paid half towards bills& food. Why would he pay towards my mortgage with no security.

He is using you & doesn’t want you to have enough to be independent or get any security.

Iwould say a big no to this.

Time to put yourself and your children first. He's milking you. He's had a good deal and a good run but really you need to call it a day.

Be very careful! I moved in with a boyfriend years ago. When we met I was temping as I’d been made redundant and was earning less than him. I did have some savings though but lived with my parents. I moved into his house, I wanted to pay my way so paid, what I thought was, a bit less than 1/2 his mortgage and then did all food shopping. He paid the rest of the mortgage and utility bills. I then got a job back with my old company (management changes and they asked me go back). I was then earning a few thousand more than him so offered to pay a bit more towards the house and paid for holidays, etc. Anyway in short, it turned it his savings were growing and my pot was getting smaller. I think I was paying 75% of his mortgage in the end. I did this for 2 years then his ex turned up and wanted him back (she’d cheated on him, then got pregnant by another man, married him and then found out he had no money so left him). Anyway, I got a text one morning asking me to move out. He said he would repay money to me but I never saw a penny. He had basically lived off me for 2 years, got back with his ex and I was nearly 30, had nothing to show for a 3 1/2 year relationship and was living back with my parents. If you’re paying half of everything, make sure you have some sort of agreement drawn up. I’d paid a lot of money into his home and had absolutely nothing to show for it and no way to get any of the money back. Lesson learnt!

@Bubbles90 Nope. all your 'beliefs' are wrong.

This may apply to a married couple but not someone living with a boyfriend.

Also coming from a single mum here, please please listen to that quiet instinct your heart is telling you. You won't get any claim of this money back - I'm assuming you are not joint tenants or tenants in common. Ensure you keep saving for a deposit for you and your children to get a place of your own. From one mum to another please get yourself out of this situation.

LTB
Seriously. He's shown you what kind of person he is, what he thinks of you and how he views your relationship. All negative

Nonsense. Utter tripe. If a man thought he'd live somewhere and let his partner pay the mortgage without contribution she'd be told by the same people on her that he's a cock lodger and she should throw him out.

You live in cloud cookoo land if you think what he's doing is illegal.

Stoop paying his mortgage just pay his utilities and depending how long you have been paying towards the mortgage I’m assuming you kept some kind of record? Then I would see if solicitor about his demands you pay more and threats to make you homeless if you don’t! I’m sure he’s breaking the law but they can clarify what laws he’s violating!

Sorry OP but I think this man is using you to subsidise his life. You will end up with nothing if you split from him. Look after yourself and your children first and foremost.

You naive muppet. You have two children to consider. You need an investment in a property. Get a buy-to-let and use the rental income to cover your monthly costs. You and your children get absolutely nothing if the relationship ends. Where is your future financial security? You could have paid your own mortgage and invested in your own financial security.

I believe that if you contribute to the mortgage or home improvements even though you don't have your name on the deeds you have acquired a financial interest in the property and that you have relied on it to your disadvantage. I would save all receipts and when you transfer money to your partner I would add mortgage as a reference to the payment and continue updating your spreadsheet. I would not refer to the payment as rent. This means if you were to separate or if he was to suddenly die you would have a part claim on the property.

Time to re-evaluate. Either he considers doing you to own a portion equivalent to the percentage of house you will have paid for or you tell him you want to see all house hold bills. You will then pay half of all household bills that are not the mortgage. Then you can decide on a sum to pay in rent if you so wish. I would tell him that paying half of everything non mortgage is fair as his the only one gaining out of the mortgage. Then say I will pay thi much towards household maintenance for repair work that may be required down the line but on a monthly basis and will not fork out again if something like the boiler goes. Else it may be time to decide if this relationship is the correct fit when his happy to take financial advantage of you.

Do you have a contract? I would feel annoyed that he won't show you the bills. However, it's up to him how much he charges in rent. Your not obliged to stay there. Do you have your own house? Where did you live before you moved in? It doesn't seem a very secure situation for you or your children.

Keep a list of what you contribute and particularly what you buy.
He sounds a user to me.

If he has no will it goes to his children assuming he has no ex he is still married too. You wouldn't get anything. Not without a will.
Re contributions to the house you would need to claim a constructive trust but there would have to be discussions and a clear intention that the house was intended to be a joint asset. Otherwise you're just paying rent.

@Itsnotbeeneasy

Why are you contemplating staying with this man? He offers you no security, no financial transparency, and has shown that he has no problems with trying to take financial advantage of you. Personally, I'd be gone. As someone upthread said, you're simply papering over the cracks of a very shaky relationship. You're better off on your own, where you can (if you wish) find someone who will treat you with above the board honesty.

I agree with you on never depending on an inheritance. BUT in the potential expectation of one, FGS do NOT marry this man!!! That money (to my understanding) would be community asset and he'll have that off of you in one way or another before you can say 'Where the fuck did my money go?'. If a loved one wants to provide for you after their death, it's because they want YOU to be taken care of.

You are basically a lodger with benefits.

I realise it will be hard for your children to be part of another relationship break-up, but do you really want to go on living in this situation?

Completely agree with this. I’d start squirrelling money away secretly and save for a deposit on your own place. Don’t tell him you are saving. You could also ask your employer to pay part of your salary into another secret account, or make larger pension contributions for a few months and show him your much reduced salary.

He is taking advantage of you. Let him rent half his space to a lodger and see how that goes for him. I’m sure you also cook and clean and do all sorts around the house that makes his life easier.

Say what you need to so you have time to sort yourself out. Then you will have option to leave. He shouldn’t see you as a resource or take advantage of you.

Exactly as@MiltonNorthern says.

Yes!
rent is something you pay to a landlord. Not a partner. He should not be profiting from his partner. It's unearned money! It's literally lining his pocket, not sharing the costs of the household. If they were fully sharing the costs of the household and she pays half the mortgage then she should have a share of the equity if they split.

I just don’t get this view, you think she should be able to live rent free?

In a relationship do couples work on the basis of one paying the other 'rent'?

He's not paying rent. He's buying his house.
IF he was renting and splitting it 50-50, that may be fair.
But it's not fair at all that she is helping him pay off his mortgage (or contributing to an investment he's taken out on his own) and will see nothing for it herself, if they split up.

You think he should profit financially from his partner?

I just don’t get this view, you think she should be able to live rent free?