DP wants more money

Stop sharing your finances with him, keep separate accounts. You’re not married but paying half of everything you’re a tenant but with less rights. He sees you at a cash machine. This won’t work out well for you I personally would start looking for a shared ownership your kids deserve stability.

I'd love to know how old the children are here and if this man has sole responsibility for his ( the blended family the OP mentions.)

It's unusual for a father to get custody especially when he is likely to work shifts (fire, police, ambulance) .

The reason I'm mentioning this is the OP implies there are 6 of them in his house (her 2 kids and his 2) and she's paying towards this.

It sounds more as if she's paying for his lifestyle choices- the drinking.

@Itsnotbeeneasy He's pulling the wool over your eyes. Surely you are savvy enough to know that his promise you would get everything if he died is nonsense.

It would go to his next of kin and if his children are under 18 they would need a named guardian to support them - either their mother (or his parents if they are alive.) Unless of course, he had a will and named you are their guardian.

He's full of bullshit and I think you know this, deep down.

For the benefit of the op or anyone else in a similar situation. It ispossible to establish a beneficial interest in a property without being married.

It's complicated and something you'd need to speak to a solicitor about.

You can tell@LetusandLoveit doesn't know what she's talking about, because real lawyers and experts don't give out legal advice on Internet forums.

@GabriellaMontez So presumably you are a 'real lawyer' because you're correcting what I said? 😂And giving advice!

There are several posts here by people who say they are qualified to advise.

And, as a by the way, any claim on a property to establish a beneficial interest is indeed very complicated. It would cost a huge amount of money for court fees (that's the only way to try to win anything) and hardly a route the OP wants to go down or could afford. A solicitor would need to prepare a case for the courts.

@Itsnotbeeneasy you have no legal entitlement to the house or any of his assets should he die as you are just cohabiting and not married. Everything will go to his kids in the absence of a will stating otherwise.

I’m sorry to hear your situation. As you’re not married and he has no Will you won’t be entitled to anything. The fact you live in his house and pay towards bills etc could have weight (if you split up) but that would involve a costly court process, lot of evidence and no guarantees. Seek legal advice on that. However the issue is more do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man?

@Collaborate Absolutely. 50% of the open market rent plus utilities and zero maintenance is what I'd be paying as a maximum because it isn't my property !

The fact is, this guy is an arse. he's boozing his money away and wants his new partner to subsidise his lifestyle.

New needs to take her decent salary and move out into a place she owns.

Is he asking for the market rate for rentals in the area? I rent my home for a lot more than the mortgage. However, as your partner, you would think he would care about your financial health as well as his own. And, he should not increase your rent arbitrarily. You should have a 12 month lease agreement or something.

Why are you paying half a mortgage when your name isn’t on it.

I think I and many others said he should pay because why should he profit from the sacrifices she made before she even met him, which is consistent with what I’m saying here.

But a lot of people did also feel he shouldn’t be paying and even said it was unethical and immoral if he did.

So it was a mix of opinions on that thread and this one too.

Get those ducks attention now. This should be your first warning. Enjoy your last few memories together but now be clever. We still live in a man’s world. It makes no difference what you pay where you pay it. You are not legally on any documents and have no financial gain in anything not even in DEATH it will go to his co dependants who “as if” would give you a cut. Even after years of being raised by you and having step siblings. You have nothing. Appreciate that you are now debt free ready to start again. Stash away your money and ensure you plead poverty. Build that run away fund up. Go to an estate agent and enquire about property rentals costs ect. Ask how much deposit you may need or even mortgage advisor. No longer pay him anything until he shows you a utility bill. Explain you still aren’t out of debt and need to get it cleared so can only pay what HAS to be paid. It may get nasty as in I’m buying my kids and mine food go buy your own type but alarm bells will ring at least. Then on to your next chapter.

As much as I agree that op is right there was a thread the other day were the man had moved in with the woman and didn’t want to pay half mortgage and everyone said that it’s a red flag that he has no assets and of course he should pay towards mortgage and some people said don’t let him pay as he’d have a claim, totally different standards depending on gender

Duplicate

This isn’t good OP.

1. lack of transparency to show/share bills
2. you are paying half the mortgage but have no entitlement to the property

I would seek independent financial advice.

For the benefit of the op or anyone else in a similar situation. It is possible to establish a beneficial interest in a property without being married.

It's complicated and something you'd need to speak to a solicitor about.

You can tell @LetusandLoveit doesn't know what she's talking about, because real lawyers and experts don't give out legal advice on Internet forums.

Get legal advice and plan an exit strategy.

He's a CF and is financially abusive

Come on, don't be disingenuous. Unless she happens to have megabucks in the Bank then the more difficult to prove your case = the more legal expense. That's how it works. She's not married to the man and as he seems a good contender for the Outright Biggest Tightwad and Deceitful Bar Steward of the Year Award it's extremely unlikely that he'll part with anything willingly (probably helped by legal advice to drag his heels), thus making the legal proceedings drag on...and on...and on while her bank account haemorrhages money, because you bet your life he knows the score. The OP has been taken for a mug here.

You're wrong here. This person doesn't have it exactly right but proprietary estoppel and constructive trusts do exist when it comes to cohabitation. Not easy to sort though.

You shouldn’t be paying half his mortgage. He would still have to pay that regardless if you lived there or not. You’re giving him the equity that you wouldn’t see any of if you split. He’d be better off after a split you’d be worse off. There is no way you should be paying more than him for ‘his’ house. Absolutely not. Half the utilities is fair. You could argue the 3 of you use more gas/electric than just 1 person. But realistically the heating would be on a similar amount if it was just him living there, he’d still do things like cook an evening meal and watch tv so you’re talking extra showers and extra tv watching/phone charging etc which wouldn’t double it. A lot of a monthly gas/electric bill is the standing charge. So the extra usage doesn’t automatically double it. Then regarding council tax. He’d still have to pay the council tax but with single persons allowance, so realistically you living there only increases it by about 25%. Not double. Water, If you’re unmetered it’s basically a set cost no matter how much you use so the extra people wouldn’t make a difference and if you’re metered it includes a standing charge so again doesn’t automatically double with extra use. He would still pay essentially the same in home insurance without you. he'd still have the same tv/internet. But without being nit picky over which utilities increase or not as it does swing both ways then splitting that in half is the simple option. Assuming your 2 dcs live with you majority of the time and his don’t. Food shopping should cost you more. Roughly a 65/35 split (on the basis of assuming your dcs go to their dads a couple of weekends and his come to stay a couple of weekends for example). I’m sure you wouldn’t be expecting to take any of ‘his’ stuff if you split so if he’s not gonna contribute to the sofa that’s yours when if you go!

It sounds like it’s all on his terms and you could be out on your ear tomorrow and have nothing. I would be so upset and just outright disappointed. He sounds really dishonest. I would worry what else he isn’t telling the trust about. I would set yourself up with some savings that you don’t tell anyone about so you have a back up fund if you need it.

What planet is everyone on? 🤦‍♀️ you don’t have a claim to his house.

Proving beneficial interest is very hard, your word against his, no evidence. And in any case it’s a lie because OP does NOT have an agreement with the prat that she is investing in the property, quite the opposite - he has been clear that it’s just his. Beneficial interest cases are where the couple had an agreement that was then reneged on. There is no agreement. Paying him money for a few years is so very unlikely to mean anything at all in court. I don’t know if any of you people saying “oh she has a claim” have had any experience of the courts? They are sexist af. Not fair. Not even fit for purpose. Just because you think it would be moral for the op to have a claim doesn’t mean that’s how it is out there in the actual world. Some old fart of a judge or magistrate will dismiss it as nonsense, a silly woman being irrational.

Imagine if anyone could go to the land registry and be like oh, I have some bank statements showing I gave this person money every month, therefore I also own this property. It would be carnage.

Also to everyone saying it’s crazy to pay towards someone else’s mortgage, my partner paid half mine when he lived in my flat. Then we bought a house together. I would have found it much weirder for him not to pay any rent, and so would he.

No she shouldn't be paying his mortgage. They are not renting together, he is the homeowner and she isn't. If they split up without her having any claim to the house then he will get to keep all of her money that she has paid into the house towards the mortgage and she will be left with nothing. She may as well just be throwing her money down the drain if there isn't any legal protection for it.

I don’t get his comment about not showing you the utility bills, because then you’d have a claim……..You are paying half his mortgage, therefore you already have a claim on his house! Cheek sod he is!!

It honestly seems to me that it's mainly women who are being muppets and paying towards a mortgage on a property that isn't their own. You never hear of men doing that. I really wish women who do that would just wise up and not let themselves get taken advantage of so easily.

You don't pay rent to a partner. That is not a partner but a landlord with benefits.