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Original poster

DP wants more money

464 replies

Itsnotbeeneasy · 18/02/2024 01:01

Trying to keep this as concise without losing the detail or drip feeding!!

4 kids in total - blended family. 2 each. I moved into DPs house 2.5 years ago

When I moved in I asked how much he would want in contribution each month - he was unsure so I asked for vague bill amounts (utilities and mortgage) each month and then added extra for me and my 2 kids being here, halved the total and that’s what I pay. This was half to mortgage and all utilities/bills. He was v.happy with the initial figure

Obvs as we all know bills have increased since so I have increased my payment each month slightly without him asking. Then - he let slip that I was paying more than he was per month. Bear in mind I’m paying half his mortgage.

DP is now asking for a higher contribution again but is flatly refusing to let me see bills for utilities to work out the fair figures stating that if I have any record of these then I would have a claim to his property - which as said is in his name - and instead wants me to pluck a figure out of the air that I would ‘be happy with’

I will add I own nothing - I’ve only just got myself out of debt, no property etc. If we split I’d be homeless and renting - no savings. He has told me time and time again that he has £150k+ of equity in his property and keeps throwing in that he could buy a small property and be mortgage free

I think this conversation is a knee jerk reaction to this months salary I revived which has been a lot higher than ‘normal’ - and I quote he said ‘if I was paid that salary I wouldn’t have any issues’ - I have just received £4.5k after tax this month - a lot higher than usual as I’m on commission. I earn between £2.5k-4k usually after tax each month and until now had been paying off debts - finally clear now (mortgage shortfall on my house and debts my ex husband put in my name - it’s been really shit)

Its all felt very grabby tonight - I told him when I moved in that I wanted to save enough to buy a rental property so my kids have an asset it at least have a decent savings account - at the point I can do that he is now asking for more money.

Please help. I dont want to use gaslit as a throwaway phrase but I need some opinions

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsnotbeeneasy · 18/02/2024 01:29

The faulty sofa btw - all in my name!!! Was £4.5k. I paid the deposit and all subsequent payments despite him saying he would pay half. So now I’m currently waiting for the refund.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsnotbeeneasy · 18/02/2024 01:27

Containerhome · 18/02/2024 01:22

When you transfer money to him. Do you put a reference. Like rent/mortgage/utilities etc

I list the payment as ‘household’

OP posts:
MariaLuna · 18/02/2024 01:25

DP is now asking for a higher contribution again but is flatly refusing to let me see bills for utilities

I will also add that this month our sofa was deemed seriously faulty and picked up by the sofa company which left us with nothing to sit on so I’ve bought a sofa - he didn’t give a penny.

So why the fuck are you with this man??!! He doesn't give a shit about you or is a tight arse, both of which are highly unattractive qualities in people. Frankly, he's a user.

You and your kids deserve better.

I'm a solo mum. No man justified my kid being second best. Just fucks them up....

Gather your guts, your money, your kids and get the hell out of there. He won't change.

scaredofthefuture2024 · 18/02/2024 01:23

He isn't treating you fairly and how does he know what you earned this month? Don't be so open with him when he isn't doing the same. If it is because you've a joint account then stop that. He is trying to use you as a cash cow to further his own agenda at the expense of you and your kids.

Anywherebuthere · 18/02/2024 01:23

Itsnotbeeneasy · 18/02/2024 01:13

Thanks ladies - I feel the same. I feel like he can’t say ‘I have this asset which you need to contribute to but have no claim to’ - without allowing me to build my own

im not moving out in a hurry. Currently i am building a savings account. This month I can pay £2k into but next month with my fluctuating salary who knows!!! May be nothing! I’m fuming though

I will also add that this month our sofa was deemed seriously faulty and picked up by the sofa company which left us with nothing to sit on so I’ve bought a sofa - he didn’t give a penny.

Dont make anymore big purchases for the house until you've gone over finances and figured out what you're going to do.

Containerhome · 18/02/2024 01:22

When you transfer money to him. Do you put a reference. Like rent/mortgage/utilities etc

Original poster
Itsnotbeeneasy · 18/02/2024 01:21

I need time to increase my own ‘assets’. I’m fuming. Woman on fire.

I will also add DP drinks more than I would desire which is where much of his financial issue comes from. But right now - please help that this is not me

For anyone who has any knowledge of this - DP is emergency services and has said if he dies tomorrow I would have control of everything. He has no Will to state this. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m being gaslit

Can anyone legally tell me where I stand? With it being that I’m paying half the mortgage. Only evidence I have is a spreadsheet I created 2.5 years ago with the mortgage figure on it

OP posts:
Anywherebuthere · 18/02/2024 01:20

I agree OP. It sounds grabby and unfair.

Half on utilities sounds like a fair split, its wrong on his part to not let on that you've been paying more and now asking for even more. That doesnt sit right. To start with he needs to show you all the past bills that have been paid so you can see where you've paid extra and balance that figure out with future payments.

And with you paying half the mortgage he seems to be getting a really good deal from you living with him.

You need to do something to protect yourself and your children financially before its too late. Its better you start doing something about it now than wait until he asks you to leave with nothing one day if the relationship doesnt work out.

PlantDoctor · 18/02/2024 01:16

That's a good point. It's not fair to expect you to pay half the mortgage with no benefit. I assume he took it out before you were together?

Does he earn a similar amount to you?

Containerhome · 18/02/2024 01:16

I don't normally say this.... but I would start getting my ducks in a row. That's not a life OP. You have found out early enough what he is like.

Original poster
Itsnotbeeneasy · 18/02/2024 01:13

Thanks ladies - I feel the same. I feel like he can’t say ‘I have this asset which you need to contribute to but have no claim to’ - without allowing me to build my own

im not moving out in a hurry. Currently i am building a savings account. This month I can pay £2k into but next month with my fluctuating salary who knows!!! May be nothing! I’m fuming though

I will also add that this month our sofa was deemed seriously faulty and picked up by the sofa company which left us with nothing to sit on so I’ve bought a sofa - he didn’t give a penny.

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 18/02/2024 01:07

I think you should stop paying for half of his mortgage. Just pay for utilities.

Use the money for your rental.

Are there any marriage plans in the future?

PlantDoctor · 18/02/2024 01:07

I'm not a financial expert. That definitely sounds unfair though, and not a good basis for a relationship. Surely if you're contributing to the mortgage then it's the same as if you had seen the official paperwork, regarding a claim to the property?

Rainbowqueeen · 18/02/2024 01:06

He’s not treating you like a partner is he? And he’s completely wrong that you knowing how much his bills were would give you a claim on his assets.

You have kids. You need to put them first. It’s time to move out. Focus on putting yourself and your kids in a stable environment.

He has not been honest with you so I would have no issue with saying whatever you need to as a stalling tactic while you get yourself sorted and leave safely.

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