DP wants more money

It’s an absolute lose lose situation for you. Think about your children and yourself first. He is being mercenary. Any side of you that’s cares for him needs curtailing. Be logical not emotional and do for yourself and your children. It’s hard to do but totally necessary for you and your childrens long term wellbeing. I truly wish you all the best

There’s red flags here. And as someone who has a do live with them, he is taking the piss.

In regards to the house, paying towards the mortgage might entitle you to some of the equity. It won’t entitle you to half the equity. It’s not an easy fight as it could be viewed as rent.

and it’s quite likely that it could cost more in legal fees than you would receive, if he doesn’t agree to just give you the money. These sort of claims work better for people who have paid in for a lot longer or have paid huge amounts to building work and improvements. Have you done that? A ridiculous amount on a sofa wouldn’t count.

You can roughly work out the bills.
read the gas and electric meters at the beginning of the month and at the end. The electric is an easy calculation of units used x price cap rate which I think is 29p per kWh. Gas is more complicated as you need to know if meter reads in cubic meters or feet and then do a conversion sum to kWhs.
If you’re on a water meter it’s fairly straightforward each area company has a flat rate for incoming water and multiply u it’s used by that. It’s 50p where I live. If its water rates these are available on line but not easy to find. First you find the banding for the house then search for the corresponding cost.
council tax is the same. Search for the band then the cost per band per parish or similar.

Yes he's being greedy and grabby I would stop telling him how much money you make. it's none of his business. You wouldn't get anything if you split up at all. I guess he's completely 50/50 on the household chores too isn't he?

I agree that you should pay some rent, although not half.

As for bills he should show you the bills and then split in half, or better yet, a % proportional to your salary. He can't just increase bills without ever showing you the amounts he pays. Even when you rent a room they show you the bills then split. Doesn't sound fair.

I will start by saying that I think this man has got greedy in wanting more money from you and is likely lying when he says that you’ll control all his assets if he dies suddenly.

That won’t happen automatically. He will have to take steps like naming you as beneficiary in his will and his death in service benefits. He has children so he’s unlikely to do this and make you sole beneficiary if you benefit at all.

However, I don’t think it’s helpful to consider that your monetary contribution is paying towards his mortgage. You’re paying rent to house you and your children. What he does with the money is his business, unless he has assured you, and you can evidence, that your contribution is intended to be a stake in the ownership of his home.

Surely the fairest way to decide how much you should pay would be to make a payment to cover the increase in the bills due to your family moving in, then split the typical rental amount you would be paying if you had to rent somewhere? You pay him half the typical rent amount. That way you both get a financial benefit from you moving in.

And yeah. As things stand, if you move out, you take your sofa with you.

You have zero legal rights atm. Paying towards his mortgage won’t give you rights to his property on separation or death and the only way to try to prove the intention was that you were acquiring a right is very legally tricky and sounds like you’ve no evidence to back this up either. If he dies it all goes to his kids and you’re out.

It sounds like the reason you’re staying is mostly because it is still costing you less than it would if you were living solo? I don’t judge this btw, totally get where you’re coming from.

If it was me I would know longer term I was out but I’d have a quiet plan to get myself into a position to leave as soon as I safely could and then never look back. Stop buying stuff for his home. Try to get away with paying as little as possible and get yourself an emergency escape fund then leave asap!!

You don't spins compatible at all, you're earning loads so can easily afford to move out!

Half the mortgage.... There is an argument that says you would-be paying someone's mortgage wherever you rented, so okay

But all the bills? Why?

I would be saving as much as possible and be prioritising getting your own place. Half the mortgage and bills with nothing to show for it doesn’t seem fair.

Get a refund for the sofa and get him to buy one. If you moved out would you be taking it and would you want to spend that much? If desperate you could get a second hand set of Facebook for speed so you aren’t sitting on the floor

Why on earth would anyone pay this much on a sofa if you have money worries even half?

Maybe spend the money being independent from a partner? And stand on your own 2 feet

Also you’d definitely get nothing if he died unless he has listed you as beneficiary on his life insurance or pensions.

Likely the money would all go to his children in trust then the trustee would be the guardian of his bio children. That would probably be the bio mum or grandparents. You wouldn’t have a right to live in the house anymore. As you’re not married you wouldn’t even get bereavement payments.

Sorry OP sounds like he’s just talking bollocks!

£4.5k on a sofa?! What else have you paid for round the house?

What were you doing before you moved in with him? Rental/mortgage? You mention the latter, do you have a house of your own given you mentioned getting a rental property for your kids.

Adjust your household payment to take off amount owed for sofa every month. Also don’t change payment until you get sight of bills and mortgage.

One thing you can do is look on a comparison website. You don’t need to see the bills but look on your gas / electric meters and get a reading … work out your monthly usage. Equally you can do same for your other utilities!! And even with a bit of sleuthing you could prob work out what % rate he’s paying in mortgage payments etc.

As for entitlement you would be able to claim if you can show you’ve made a contribution to mortgage. However getting a lawyer to fight your case at a later stage might not be worth what you could claim back depending on how long you’ve lived there and how much you have put in.

Overall he seems a bit of an ass. You should think about saving up your own deposit to buy somewhere you and your kids can escape to if it all goes pear shaped. Don’t go on a joint mortgage with him if he’s financially unreliable.. that might backfire.

Don’t discuss your salary with him again! Not until he’s willing to be clear in his finances with you!

Split it into 2 payments household and mortgage. He sounds really unpleasant and granny. Like he couldn't give a fuck about you and just wants your money. It sounds like next month you could have enough to move into a rental property. You could save up for a deposit. You shouldn't be paying towards his mortgage. That is what could cause you to have a claim on it in the future. You should pay half the cost of utilities and food and something for rent. The amount you pay for rent should be less than half his mortgage. You shouldn't be contributing towards home insurance because it's his house. With the spring coming utilities should be lower than they were over the Winter months not higher. Think of your kids and move out and build a home for you and them. In future tell him you've had a terrible month for sales so much lower pay. Don't ever show him your pay slips or bank statement and don't tell him your savings. If necessary tell him you don't earn enough to save hardly anything it all goes to him for bills. He sounds like he is milking you like a cash cow. Not the behaviour of a loving partner. He's using you.

He's not treating you as a partner is he?
He's taking advantage of you.
You should not be paying towards his mortgage
He has gained equity whilst you have no security
Save towards your own property for you and DC

I'm sorry @Itsnotbeeneasy but there are red flags all over your post.

You need to save for you and dc and not subsidize his life.

You are treated like a partner financially so you must protect yourself. I think you need to pay less and ensure that you can save a set amount each month. At the very least having 6 months income saved for an emergency fund is crucial. If you stay in this relationship (which I don't think you should) getting a buy to let flat/house is a good idea - both a place for you if needed and something for your dc as at this rate if he died his dc would benefit from your financial contributions and yours wouldn't.

You should pay a lodger amount not a partner amount.

If he died tomorrow you'd get nothing. Zero.

Without a will or wedding you will not be entitled to anything - his entire estate would go to his dc, every penny you've contributed gone.

Oh good point keep the couch receipt, if this ends that couch goes with you and he’s on the floor.

If he died tomorrow you’d have nothing. I’d pick a number. Tell him you’ve picked a number you’re happy to pay, it’s the same as what you think he’s paying so less then before, then explain you’ve subtracted half the sofa, and pay that. Keep it at matching his, probably matching his minus 100 a month or something like that. He’s using you and you can’t trust him, you need to start saving again. Next time he says he could be mortgage free, you say let me know when you want me to move out.

I'm a solo mum. No man justified my kid being second best. Just fucks them up...

This is so true.

For so long the focus on men’s bad behaviour in relationships was often about them using women for sex and domestic chores, but it’s only more recently been highlighted many “modern” men are using women as cash cows. When I was using OLD I had a couple of single fathers seem a bit too curious / nosy about my earning potential. I could just see they were mentally lining me up to help financially support their households.

OP he seems to be lying about various things such as seeing the bills would give you a claim on the house. By saying you would have “control of everything” if he dies what does he mean ? He has kids who will, quite rightly, inherit most of it.

I assume he just means you’ll be named as the executor of the will so you’ll be sorting everything out but he’s being vague about it to mislead you.

He isn’t being honest or transparent with you.

Make sure you hang onto the receipt for the couch so you can either take it away when you leave or sell it to him if he wants to keep it.

If he were to die intestate his entire estate would be put into trust for his DC.

You could try to make a claim as a dependent but given the brevity of your cohabitation and your earning capacity you probably wouldn't get anything.

If you split up he'd probably argue that you paid rent rather than contributed to the mortgage.

You've gone from one abusive relationship to another. You and your kids deserve better.

Legally, unless you are married or signed a rental agreement when you moved in with him, you have nothing. It doesn't matter that you've been paying 1/2 the rent. If you are married, you'd be entitled to half. If you signed a rental agreement, then what you get/are owed would be within those terms. Otherwise, you've lost everything you've paid. If you currently have any joint accounts in the bank, you've got half of those (or whatever you can prove you've deposited into them).

Has he sole custody of his children?

I'm no legal expert but I think you would either need to be married to him or at least have your name on the mortgage too in order to claim the house or anything in case of death

Without a will his family could claim/control his assets. Are his children young or adults?

As I said Im no expert so best to seek legal advice on this.