DP wants more money

Playing Devil's advocate here;
I see a lot of threads where the woman is earning less and expected by DP to pay in evenly - the normal response is that paying in should proportional to salary,..... when its the man who earns more.

On the other hand not allowing OP to see the actual bills is a sketchy as fuck and she probably is being taken for a ride. 170K equity how much of that is due to her payments/ should be hers?

Don't spend 4.5 k on a sofa, spend it on financial advice. This man is financially abusing you, get independent advice and don't believe his rubbish lies that you will 'get everything' and sight of his bills gives you rights. That's bullshit, he is either stupid or manipulative. Independent advice means you will have facts he can't argue with. Then see how he reacts.

Stop telling him what you earn, if you have months where you are paid much more than the basic put that extra money into a savings account and don’t tell him… he isn’t being open and transparent with you so why are you being with him.

How much of the housework/ childcare are ye both doing, is he doing 50%, I hope he is otherwise he has an unpaid housekeeper / childminder

You should not be paying half his mortgage. It is not your asset and as you are unmarried you are leaving yourself very vulnerable. Personally I would not be disclosing your salary to him and I would say you want to see the bills if he wants you to pay anything. I would be looking to leave him as you have no financial security. I certainly wouldn't buy furniture for his house.

Unless OP has been contributing to the mortgage since the house was bought, she is not paying "half his mortgage". She is contributing towards the mortgage repayments - totally different. She would have rent to pay anyway which may well be significantly more than this sum. That's a red herring.

OP, you really don't sound financially astute. Spending £4.5k on a sofa when you have absolutely no financial security is bloody madness. Paying more than agreed towards household bills without discussion is bloody madness. Focus on achieving some financial independence for you and your children. Right now, no matter the rights and wrongs of the situation, you have put your children and yourself into a very vulnerable position.

.

You're paying his mortgage and for expenses like furniture for a house you have no ownership of. He is using you as an income stream.

Use that extra pay as a deposit for your own rented home and get out asap.

So he wants you to pick a figure out the air that you would be happy with?

Tell him £200!!!

Plus you said he already told you that you were actually already paying more than him anyway?

This is nuts.

@Itsnotbeeneasy you need legal advice, but it sounds like you could be building a beneficial interest in his home.

Please keep your payslip to yourself. Get your house in order. If things work out, great, if not you've got a pot to use.

Also, stop buying furniture unless you are going to take the pieces with you when you leave.

It is easy to blame these men for seeing women as cash cows these days but you have to change your own behaviour (speaking from experience).
I feel we try to be fair sowe are not seen to be taking advantage but then they do.

At least OP you say you have got your debts cleared now so even though you have no assets you have made a massive step to getting sorted.
If you earn commission you now have a driving force to earn more because it's going to be yours.

But if you are really honest you possibly have a bit of a spending problem. You have paid for the sofa while he is asking for half etc.
If you can't get a mortgage maybe it's time to get out and rent somewhere smaller than you would and sort your own spending out.
Or stay in the relationship and save save save.
Be honest with yourself too about your own spending.
Don't let him take advantage of you or be abusive if you stand up to him.

I find it unfair that he will not divulge the bills and mortgage amounts but yet you tell him how much you earn each month.

Why do you do that?
For all you know he pays half what you do to the mortgage and less than half the bills.

Seriously, he is leading you up the garden path.
Refuse to pay a penny more. Do not increase the payment.
Suggest that DP takes some out of his beer money.

Put all your savings into a fund for a house deposit and move out, with the sofa, when you can afford to.

.... Oh and KEEP YOUR FINANCES PRIVATE FROM HIM!!!!!!

He sounds gross. Get your ducks in a row and start putting yourself and your children first. Gather your savings and move out asap.

This is unfair. I would think.about buying a small property, if that is viable in your area. You could rent it out. It vould be a bolt hole perhaps. You should be better off financially living with him.than apart.

I havent read the other comments but paying towards utilities, doing grocery shops etc is one thing but paying half his mortage- you have kids of your own you are paying for his kids inheritance while yours wont have anything at all.

You are more like a housemate with benefits than a partner

The sofa is yours - take it when you leave. He isn’t a partner - won’t let you see household bills so reduce payments to cover utilities and food as otherwise you want a share of the house or to marry him! That should shut him up for a while.
It could take you a while to find a rental but keep building your savings whilst you look. Stop bailing him out and keep your finances private too. One last summer….

You let your ex husband financially abuse you and leave you in debt. Now you're letting this deceitful, greedy waste of time do the same? (Minus the debt)
Think of your children and YOUR future. It's your money, not his!!!!!!

I hope you listen to people here bc he is using you as a lodger to subsidize his own bills/lifestyle, when yuo split you will be entitled to nothing, zero, nada, zilch. At least keep your self worth and dignity. Your children are watching and learning do not give their money away to this corrupt man.

When he is out move out, with your sofa. He is showing you himself… don’t ignore his behavior and be a door mat again

Az for the mortgage contributions, I know someone who did make a claim and it cost them over £20k in solicitors fees, solicitors will be the only winner of trying to get any funds from his house. Just leave bc even if you do accumulate savings he will spend it! The fridge will break, a flood, or something else will go wrong

He wants you to commit to him financially by sharing everything you have with him. But he’s not even willing to let you see the household bills? Not exactly give and take, is it?

You’re not a blended family. You’re a lodger he has sex with. Except a lodger has more financial privacy, wouldn’t be expected to contribute in addition to the rent/bills and probably has more legal rights. I can see what’s in it for him, but what’s in this for you?

Either keep the receipt and take it when you can afford to move, or deduct half from your payments to him. How dare he demand more money without showing you utility bills? That’s nuts. He will be the one worse off if you leave him. With nowhere to sit.

You describe yourselves as a blended family but he clearly doesn't see you as a family.

I'd move out with my kids, personally.

After 2.5 years I would expect to be treated more like a partner than this.

Carry on saving @Itsnotbeeneasy he doesn’t sound like someone I would want to rely on long term & I would find it hard to love someone I couldn’t trust to treat me as an equal in the relationship.

You shouldn't be paying a penny towards the mortgage. Half the bills sure, but the mortgage is his responsibility and his asset!
When my DH moved in we agreed he would pay 1/3 of the bills (as I have a teenager) and when we got married he started paying half the mortgage. We drew up an agreement as to how much equity is mine in the event of divorce before we split the rest 50/50. No way would I have expected him to pay towards the mortgage (or to pay me 'rent'!! He wasn't a lodger) before we got married.

The bigger picture, Op, is this : you seem to have a pattern of picking men who prey on you. The ex lumbered you with debts which you have only just paid off, the current one has you contributing to half his mortgage and now wants more. You may need to examine why and how you get into these situations because you make yourself and your DC very vulnerable.

*he won’t !

We won’t show you the bills: don’t ever tell him what you’ve earned again.

Red flags OP x