DP wants more money

He has told me time and time again that he has £150k+ of equity in his property

Not savings

4 kids in total - blended family. 2 each. I moved into DPs house 2.5 years ago

When I moved in I asked how much he would want in contribution each month - he was unsure so I asked for vague bill amounts (utilities and mortgage) each month and then added extra for me and my 2 kids being here, halved the total and that’s what I pay. This was half to mortgage and all utilities/bills. He was v.happy with the initial figure

if you had 2 kids each, why pay more than him

You have kids. You need to put them first. It’s time to move out. Focus on putting yourself and your kids in a stable environment.

First reply nailed it.

Why did you pay for another sofa when the sofa company took the faulty one?

1. Are you married?

No. Then you'll be very unlikely to get anything at all if he dies.

1. How much are you paying relative to costs to rent.

He doesn't sound like a keeper though anyway.

How long have you been together / living together

Is he controlling in other ways? I bet you do more than your share of cleaning and cooking too, don’t you op?

Is what you are paying now significantly less than it would cost you to rent a place for you and your children? That isn't clear from your posts. The mortgage may be very low so the OP could be better off paying half.
I think he couldn't believe his luck with the initial figure you suggested and has now got greedy.
My advice would be to save every penny you can for your future.

He is grabby.
And why is he seeing your income when you’re not allowed to see household bills?
He’s onto a winner , you're paying 50% of his mortgage so he can either overpay and it’s paid off earlier or he’s stashing money away.
Sorry but he saw you coming.

Firstly I don’t think having sight of mortgage and utility documents has anything to do with not being able to make a claim on the house.
It is if you are paying towards the
mortgage and utilities describing your payments accordingly

Some bills you can work out yourself

Tv licence is the same for everyone

The council tax you can work out just by finding the banding of the address then looking at the councils website as to what they charge for that band.

Gas and electricity, a bit more complicated and not an exact amount as companies have different plans but reading the metres each month then looking on the energy companies website to find out their standing charge and cost per kw and then adding 5% tax will give you a certain amount
Usually energy companies advertise on their envelopes if he ever gets any correspondence from them

Water falls into 2 sections. Those with water metres and those without. Although from experience as a family of 4 our bills regardless have always been between £40-£50 per month

House insurance, again not an exact amount, can be found if you know the company you can get a quote from their website or do a few comparison sites and find an average

Internet - look to see who you are with then look at their different plans and take the most expensive you think it could be or make a guess which plan is most likely

I would not be telling dp about what you earn and save. He keeps his finances secret so you do the same. If you are someone who has always freely given this information then look to knocking off an easy amount to remember like £1000 from whatever you earn and telling him that is the amount you earned that month.

What is the point in advice like this?

This man is not honest or transparent about the bills anyway!

He says he has £150K in savings and could pay off his mortgage, so why the hell doesn't he? (instead of making the OP pay towards it?)

If a man isn't willing to let her see the outgoings, and his own financial affairs, in detail, the relationship is built on sand.

I'm shocked so many women are arguing over how much the OP should cough up, yet missing the really vital parts of her situation.

Well as he owes you £2250 for the sofa you don’t need to pay anything for a few months. That’s what you’re comfortable with.

Firstly, the comment about refusing to let you see the bills isn't gaslighting, it's being controlling - I suspect that he is worried that you may find that you have been paying more than half the bills. So that part is him being unreasonable.

However, if you weren't paying towards the mortgage costs and weren't living together, you'd be paying rent, which would probably be higher than half of a mortgage, so it's not necessarily an awful thing that you are paying additional on top of the bills.

Stop buying expensive things for his house.

Just stop.

And get out of there. YOu would advise your own DCs to not get trapped in a relationship like this; take your own advice and get out of there!

YOu are not married.
You have zero protection.
AND he's using you to pay his bills at an unfair split AND his mortgage ... while your kids will end up with nothing if either of you die tomorrow.

I'd start socking away your money, stop paying his mortgage, and look to move out as soon as possible.

Why are you paying half his mortgage for no equity?!? You could move out and pay your own mortgage for 100% equity! I cannot believe you are putting up with this

This - OP is giving DP money which goes into a pool in his account from which he pays his mortgage. Unless she has a SO/DD via which she pays 50% into the mortgage account directly, she would not be deemed to be paying the mortgage.

If she only paid bills she’d be profiting off his investment into his house purchase

right! And so what? If she pays a share of the bills then she's contributing overall to the expenses of the household and reducing his costs. Otherwise the investment is his only. The benefits and the costs likewise. As I said upthread the OP or people in her circumstances should use the opportunity to save with a view to either investing in the asset in future (if the relationship progresses that way) or building her own financial security.

You dont need more time tonight crease your assets. You have no debt and £2k in savings. I rarely had more than that all the time I was paying a mortgage.
Move out. Rent a place as cheaply as you can and save - if you are paying half his mortgage and more than half his bills I suspect it would cost you less and certainly my not more so you could save while renting your own place.

I mean, I was literally in that situation and would never have taken money towards my mortgage before my DH and I were married and the property became a joint asset (with my pre marriage share protected)
Do you really think posters would have told me I should have charged him rent? Despite me being the higher earner and it being solely my property at that point? Why?

I wouldn't be paying half of a mortgage to help someone buy a house I'd have no stake in. So I'd expect some legal arrangements to be put in place to ensure I had beneficial interest from my contributions. If he refused, I'd probably move out. Or at least be doing some research into what it would cost in lodgings with a resident landlord in your area, and pay him no more than that as a fixed sum to cover rent, utilities and food. Under this arrangement I would spend nothing on equipment, maintenance, repairs or sundries for the home, as I would be a lodger and it would not be my responsibility.

How is she benefitting by living there if she's no better off than she would be living on her own while he's half a mortgage payment better off per month?

I'm not a legal expert but I think without a will you are in a very dodgy position. I knew a couple, living together 25 yrs. Man dies, no will to be found, his partner entitled to nothing as the house was in his name. I don't know about savings. Partner had to negotiate with the children who inherited the house, how long she could stay there. It was messy and awful as both parties were disabled.
I wouldn't increase any payments without seeing paperwork and I would get serious advice as to your own financial future.

I agree with those saying she should have to pay some amount beyond bills, because she’d be paying rent anyway if she wasn’t living there . If she only paid bills she’d be profiting off his investment into his house purchase. And she’s contributing towards wear and tear in the house since three of them have moved in.

What that amount should be is the thing that needs to be reviewed and looked at.

And no way should she continue paying towards bills while he hasn’t reimbursed her for the couch and without her seeing the exact amounts.

However I’m baffled that someone with kids and no savings who has just got themselves out of debt would spend 4.5K on a sofa in a house they don’t even own. Even split between two that’s quite a lot. You could’ve got a decent one for closer to 1K which would be £500 each.

OP you seem to blame all the previous debts on your ex but were you making financial decisions like this when you were with your ex?

Well thank you for calling us all sexist 🙄

He won’t show you the bills?! That’s unreasonable, controlling and odd. You aren’t being grabby, he just trying to make you feel that way. He’s not treating you fairly and l would give this whole arrangement a work over -including considering moving out or contributing less to it all

I would suggest that you do these & protect yourself & your children

Pay into an employer work place pension
Pay into LISA (to buy property)
Save up some emergency savings (6 months wages)
Look up how much the council tax is for the property that you currently live in & pay half

Tell him that you cannot afford to pay any higher amount to him

You have zero claim on his property, unless you are married or civil partnership or he makes a will
which includes you (wills can be changed)

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will