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Original poster

If your grandparents, would this be too much?

63 replies

Sprogonthetyne · 17/02/2024 12:25

Trying to work out if we're taking the piss with our school holiday arrangements. The situation is that I work nights, can take all of the school summer, Easter & christmas off (so no issue there) but usually have to work 2-3 nights during half-terms. DH can take these days off, but would find it difficult to keep the DC out all day or quiet in the house while I sleep.

The solution we've used for the last few half terms is that DH & DC all go and stay with the in-laws, for those 2-3 days. They're not doing childcare as such, as DH is there too, but there's likely to be a lot of "granny, look at this, grandad play with me .." from the kids. They have never expressed any issues with this, but it's always DH asking if they can come, so not sure if they feel put on the spot. DPil live about 2 hours away, and apart from this we see them 6-8 times a year, with either them coming here or both going to another relatives house.

If you have grandchildren, would you be happy for them to be in your house for that long, three times a year? Or would you be getting sick of it and prefer it if we made other arrangements and stuck to day visits?

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 17/02/2024 14:27

thebestinterest · 17/02/2024 14:06

This

Show quote history

OP’s DH is driving this, not her. He is choosing to take their children to see his parents.

Thelightis · 17/02/2024 14:25

I'd love it

And my parents have always loved having the DGC all to themselves

They don't live nearby but the drive isn't too far just over an hour

They've had them since they were babies, a few months old, so they're really close having been a big part of each others lives

SallyWD · 17/02/2024 14:23

Obviously it really depends on the personalities of your in-laws but I can't see it being a problem for most people. I visit my parents many half terms just so they can see the children (and me). My friend takes her children to see her parents every single school holiday for a week. They love it!

Crumpleton · 17/02/2024 14:22

If everyone was in agreement with it I'd happily have just the DC to stay.
As you say its only a few times a year.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 17/02/2024 14:18

I’m not a grandparent but I’d absolutely love it if my kids did this. We bought a bigger house so we can all have our own space now and there’s still plenty of room for dc to both bring their families to stay in the future if they choose to. I very much hope to see lots of them when they move out. I haven’t explicitly said this as I don’t want to get on their nerves but I hope they never feel they have to ask to come home for any reason. They can keep their keys and the door is always open if they need us.

spicedlemonpie · 17/02/2024 14:14

Im not gonna do any baby sitting when im a nan I done my year with kids without any help not doing it again.
I will only be available for emergencys.
My advice to my children is you have them you take care of them its not my responsibility.

Onabench · 17/02/2024 14:10

They need to say if it is too much. It sounds like a good way to keep in touch Personally I’d just keep everyone home and chuck some ear plugs in

Lizzieregina · 17/02/2024 14:09

I’m not a GP yet, but I think I’d quite like this arrangement as long as dad is doing his bit too. I mean, I’d definitely plan stuff with the kids so I could have my own time with them too, as long as he was parenting when we were in the house.

thebestinterest · 17/02/2024 14:06

DorothyZ · 17/02/2024 12:39

Tbh I think it's a massive upheaval to expect your whole family to move out because you work nights. Get some earplugs.

This

Cazziebo · 17/02/2024 14:02

I'm a granny working full time. I love having the grandchildren. I do need notice so I can organise time off but happy to do it more often and for longer.

Tel12 · 17/02/2024 13:47

Not a problem. Grandparents realise how quick these years fly.

pikkumyy77 · 17/02/2024 13:42

I think its obvious that DH needs the adult companionship of his parents when you are working nights. I think its a fine solution. Don’t overthink it!

DorothyZ · 17/02/2024 13:37

@Gazelda

Having grown up with my parent working shifts for my whole childhood, my experience was that it's miserable being constantly expected to keep noise down because dad is sleeping, don't flush the toilet because it's next to where dad is in bed, no toast in case it sets the smoke alarm off, no friends over because they might forget to be quiet, no playing music, ..... etc

Your experience is juts one experience though. Not everyone wakes at the slightest noise and not being able to make toast because it might set off the smoke alarm is nuts.

Soupit · 17/02/2024 13:36

Honestly this sounds like a perfect arrangement. The Grandparents get some quality time with GC, see their son and yet dad is there to take the strain.
It's not a weekly obligation which I think is much harder on grandparents.

Containerhome · 17/02/2024 13:32

Ask them? If it gets too much, dh can take them out.

TheHoover · 17/02/2024 13:26

I’d be testing the water. Eg ‘we are really appreciative of this arrangement but don’t want to impose. Would you prefer we take it down to 2 days rather than 3?’

Moier · 17/02/2024 13:22

I'd love it.. l have four Grandsons age 18 16 15 and nine.. nine year old sleeps over at least once a week.
Eldest used to take it in turns.. they are too old now but they come to see me on their own.
I'm going to stay with them for a week while their Mum is away soon.
I'm 65.. became a Gran age 46.
It's not too much for me on my own.. so doubt be too much for you.

CaineRaine · 17/02/2024 13:22

I think if they’ve never offered it and your DH always asks, it may mean they feel they can’t say no. If they loved it surely they’d make some noises like “can’t wait to do it all again next half term” - do they do this?

Gazelda · 17/02/2024 13:18

DorothyZ · 17/02/2024 12:39

Tbh I think it's a massive upheaval to expect your whole family to move out because you work nights. Get some earplugs.

Having grown up with my parent working shifts for my whole childhood, my experience was that it's miserable being constantly expected to keep noise down because dad is sleeping, don't flush the toilet because it's next to where dad is in bed, no toast in case it sets the smoke alarm off, no friends over because they might forget to be quiet, no playing music, ..... etc

If I were a gran, I'd love having DS and the kids for a few days and treasure the time with them.

Original poster
Sprogonthetyne · 17/02/2024 13:17

CJ4713 · 17/02/2024 12:55

Is this an easier option for DH than having the kids at your own house and keeping them quiet or taking them out himself? I did nights for years-earplugs and an eye mask work wonders. If needed, couldn't you stay elsewhere- with your own family?

We can't say how the GP's feel about your arrangement, but I've give them the option of at least 1 or 2 holidays without the mandatory visits.

I assume DH finds it easier, or maybe just enjoys the visits. Until now I've taken the approach of making sure DH knows which days he's got the kids, then leaving it up to him, much like he doesn't worry what I'm doing with the kids in the holidays when I have them and he's at work.

I'm just conscious of the fact he's fallen into a pattern of doing this every half term, so worried I might need to point out 3 times a year is a lot (he's not always good at picking up on hints, and MIL isn't good at being direct). But it's also possible I'm just over thinking, as many here say they'd be fine with it.

OP posts:
5128gap · 17/02/2024 13:11

Well I see my DGC every day, sometimes with their parents, sometimes without. Sometimes they sleep here. We live pretty communally and its all very flexible, so it would seem very little contact to me. However, there are GPs who would find it too much. Point is, everyone's different and you need only know how your in laws feel really, not how we do. Why not get DH to ask them? They're his parents, so surely he can have an honest conversation with them.

Dottiethekangaroo · 17/02/2024 13:10

I don’t think it’s fair to assume that DH is taking the easy option. I would love this. I adore all my DILs and my SiL, but it is nice to see them all separate from their partners as well as when they are in a couple

FrogFairy · 17/02/2024 13:04

I think it is fine as long as your DH is pulling his weight with caring for and entertaining the kids. Not so much if he is sat on his arse playing with his phone and expecting to be waited on by his parents.

CJ4713 · 17/02/2024 12:55

Is this an easier option for DH than having the kids at your own house and keeping them quiet or taking them out himself? I did nights for years-earplugs and an eye mask work wonders. If needed, couldn't you stay elsewhere- with your own family?

We can't say how the GP's feel about your arrangement, but I've give them the option of at least 1 or 2 holidays without the mandatory visits.

Original poster
Sprogonthetyne · 17/02/2024 12:47

DorothyZ · 17/02/2024 12:39

Tbh I think it's a massive upheaval to expect your whole family to move out because you work nights. Get some earplugs.

I see your point but it's DH driving it no me. PIL live in the kind of place where people go on holiday too, so another aspect is that he finds it easier to keep them busy there, and probably does appreciate having another pair of hand if needed.

OP posts:
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