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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being the OW - why?

254 replies

StrawberryEater · 16/02/2024 20:51

AIBU not to understand why some women choose to be the OW? I’m not talking about those who just want sex and don’t care if the man is married, I mean the single women who knowingly enter into long term affair partnerships and particularly those who hope the man will eventually leave his wife for them.

I think so much less of men who have affairs that I cannot imagine wanting to be with someone who would do that. I’d just not respect them. And wouldn’t the former OW always wonder if he was going to cheat on her next?

I find it baffling and am genuinely interested to hear from anyone who has done it. Honestly not to flame you! I just can’t get my head round it.

OP posts:
Namerchanger1 · 16/02/2024 20:58

Name changed of course

i’ve been the OW. Met a man through a work conference who told me he and his wife were sort of separated / very unhappy, still lived together though. Then woo’d me and I absolutely believed that they would split up. He told me the usual things, they had kids so lots to figure out. But the time we were together was really magical, I truly thought we were something special and it was a matter of time before he’d actually leave his wife.

Then, one day, he basically ghosted me and that was that. I’ve since seen that he and his wife have had another 2 children so they can’t have been that unhappy.

its so funny, because reading it back I sound like the biggest idiot in the world but at the time, it really felt like something amazing

Bex5490 · 16/02/2024 20:58

I guess for the same reason that women are attracted to arseholes in their various forms:

  • chauvinists
  • Slobs
  • Abusers
  • General dickheads

So many potential reasons, childhood trauma, lack of self esteem, being manipulated…

Bigcoatweather · 16/02/2024 20:57

Doesn’t take a huge stretch of the imagination, OP. Marriages wane, some people stay together only for financial reasons, single/married woman meets a soulmate who is also in an unhappy marriage.
Competition and self-validation. Humans are rather wired to be competitive, some more than others. For others, financial gain.
Looming mortality/ mid-life crisis.
We live much longer than our ancestors, so marriages are also very long - people change.

Porageeater · 16/02/2024 20:54

Not an OW but interested in this too. Why would you saddle yourself from the outset with an unfaithful man?