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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have yelled and dragged child out

155 replies

Yellinginmuseum · 16/02/2024 15:49

I know I was being unreasonable but I’m not sure how else I should have dealt with this.

I took my three year old and nearly 1 year old - not yet walking - to a museum. It wasn’t pram friendly so had to carry her round and she’s heavy. Three year old went round and enjoyed it and then wanted to go back in. It was a one way system so was trying to explain to him he couldn’t get in through the door he was trying. He ended up having a tantrum. Eventually he shot off and ran in through the right door, I tried to follow but a crowd of people got in my way and when I eventually caught up with him I was saying his name over and over and he was just blanking me. In the end I shouted STOP IGNORING ME and dragged him out Sad

I am not sure what else I should have done.

OP posts:
2mummies1baby · 16/02/2024 18:06

Yellinginmuseum · 16/02/2024 18:03

I literally say I know I was being unreasonable - please stop being provocative.

I'm really sorry, I'm genuinely not trying to be provocative. You posted asking if you were being unreasonable. As part of your post, you said you weren't sure what else you could have done. In response to that, I posted that you could have not shouted, "Stop ignoring me!" at him.

CeilingGranny · 16/02/2024 18:06

No, you did nothing wrong. Sometimes you do just have to grab and run.

I'm a big believer in trying to explain things logically no matter what the age. I've talked toddler DC out of some really destructive impulses. But that tactic has no guarantee of success. If they're determined to cause mischief, you have to just get them out of there by any means!

BertieBotts · 16/02/2024 18:05

Yes I did say it might not be possible to hold them both at once. I was thinking if you'd left the pram next to the entrance and could strap baby in while you went to retrieve him, but I don't know what the layout was, that might not have been possible. Also I know some people don't like leaving their DC out of sight which is fair.

I suppose ideal response when carrying a baby is to crouch down in front of child and touch them on the arm to get their attention, then explain that we need to go, validate feelings etc but that won't always work depending on what state they are in, if their reaction to conflict is to bolt etc. So you might end up having to grab their hand and steer them out screaming anyway.

Spinet · 16/02/2024 18:04

3 and 1 is not too young to go to any kind of museum (well, maybe the museum of dusty library tickets would be a push). You've got to learn how to go to museums to enjoy them, just like anything else.

Temporaryname158 · 16/02/2024 18:04

As my Nan would say in regard to outing with small kids…

it’s hard work having fun.

well done on doing the outing and surviving, it will get easier

Original poster
Yellinginmuseum · 16/02/2024 18:03

I literally say I know I was being unreasonable - please stop being provocative.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellinginmuseum · 16/02/2024 18:03

I am not sure what else I could have done hardly says I couldn’t have done anything differently. That’s why I’m posting.

OP posts:
2mummies1baby · 16/02/2024 18:03

2mummies1baby · 16/02/2024 18:01

Sorry, that's how I interpreted the final sentence in your first post:

I am not sure what else I should have done.

Show quote history

And, in fact, the first sentence:

I know I was being unreasonable but I’m not sure how else I should have dealt with this.

wutheringkites · 16/02/2024 18:01

Pandadunks · 16/02/2024 16:22

We’ve all been there! And any parent who says they haven’t is either lying or suffering from memory loss!

This.

2mummies1baby · 16/02/2024 18:01

Yellinginmuseum · 16/02/2024 17:59

OP said she didn't think she could've done anything differently ???

Sorry, that's how I interpreted the final sentence in your first post:

I am not sure what else I should have done.

Original poster
Yellinginmuseum · 16/02/2024 17:59

OP said she didn't think she could've done anything differently ???

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellinginmuseum · 16/02/2024 17:58

No you wouldn’t Bertie. It wasn’t pram friendly so I couldn’t pick him up and hold the baby as well.

I feel bad as he wasn’t being a brat. Just enjoying it. I could have dealt with it better but I was getting stressed out.

OP posts:
2mummies1baby · 16/02/2024 17:58

fuckssaaaaake · 16/02/2024 17:41

If they're not listening and can't hear you, raising your voice might be the only way to get their attention in a busy place. Unless you're perfect like you obvs are. Then you can sing a lil song and blow glitter at them

Show quote history

Raising your voice to get a child's attention is fine, but just call their name- shouting, "Stop ignoring me!" at a tantruming toddler is going to achieve precisely nothing.

I totally understand that people do stupid things like that in stressful situations, but OP said she didn't think she could've done anything differently, which I disagree with.

BertieBotts · 16/02/2024 17:54

I would have just picked him up, rather than doing the name calling. Ideally stopped to put 1yo in buggy first then left them to retrieve 3yo. But also, recognise this is easy to say from my sofa, when you're right in the middle of the tantrum then you're normally stressed to the max and it does tend to get in the way of rational thinking! And if you didn't have the option to leave the 1yo behind then it would be harder to pick both up at once. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

AnnieBuddyHere · 16/02/2024 17:51

You did nothing wrong at all OP.

I work in a museum and to be honest, I wish more parents were like you.

LakeTiticaca · 16/02/2024 17:49

Sometimes you have to act in the moment. You needed to grab him to keep him away from danger. That's what you did
Don't beat yourself up about it x

Original poster
Yellinginmuseum · 16/02/2024 17:48

The 1 year old is. 3 year old loved it; special children’s one.

OP posts:
Patrickiscrazy · 16/02/2024 17:47

Child free one here, however, 3 and 1 seem too young for a museum.

CattingAbout · 16/02/2024 17:46

Yes in your situation I'd most likely have done the same, OP. Except wild horses wouldn't make me attempt to take a 3 year old and a 1 year old to a museum in the first place!

Frangipanyoul8r · 16/02/2024 17:43

It’s fine to raise your voice if a child isn’t safe. You need to get their attention quickly. Just take a minute to explain why you raised your voice and the dangers of running off in busy public spaces.

Frangipanyoul8r · 16/02/2024 17:42

My eldest was a runner. We went everywhere with a sling for my youngest and rucksack reins for my then 3 year old. If she didn’t want to wear the reins, we didn’t go out. I could only let her off the reins in enclosed spaces like parks with fences where I had eyes on all exits…. I am SO glad we are over that now. Don’t be hard on yourself.

fuckssaaaaake · 16/02/2024 17:41

2mummies1baby · 16/02/2024 16:17

You definitely didn't need to yell, "Stop ignoring me!" at a three year old...

If they're not listening and can't hear you, raising your voice might be the only way to get their attention in a busy place. Unless you're perfect like you obvs are. Then you can sing a lil song and blow glitter at them

ColleenDonaghy · 16/02/2024 17:40

3 and 1 nearly killed me. Much harder than 2 and 0 or 4 and 2.

(5 and 3 now and there are days it approaches easy!)

I'm mainly just full of admiration that you attempted a day out with them both solo, I avoided taking them both to the park by myself.

Running away isn't safe so you had to act.

It's all good and you're a fucking amazing mum for even trying.

Andthereyougo · 16/02/2024 17:39

I’m just in awe of you taking two very small children to a museum during half term week. And shouting stop ignoring me? No problem, child was ignoring you. They should really make those extending dog leads for children but reins or a wrist strap rein if they still exist might help.

puzzledout · 16/02/2024 17:31

OnlyFannys · 16/02/2024 15:58

Im passed that phase but my god I remember them, they turn in to little demons. Don't be hard on yourself, all mums have been there

This 100%