To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

Exactly

It isn’t really, though. It’s normal etiquette among adults that you don’t openly hand out invitations to an event in a group of people who normally spend time together and exclude a couple of people; it would be considered incredibly rude to do this in a workplace or hobby group.

I know a child who was not invited to a party in her own back garden. The Ukrainian family living in their annex have a daughter in her class. Apparently the child is a social butterfly at school and birthday girl didn't want her playing Queen Bee at her party. So she just didn't get invited. Hard to fathom.

I was always discreet about inviting kids. I thought parents who made a display of it on the playground or allowed their kids to were a bit crap. I remember a couple of mums approaching the line of kids waiting to be picked up and putting party hats on the ones invited to an after school joint party. 🙄

Please tell me your little boy still had a wonderful party. My heart breaks for him. And you! No hurt is worse then a mother's for her child

When my DD was aged 10 ( she's 27 now) i can still remember her coming home from School very upset because her 'friend' dished out invites at playtime but excluded her. It made us see that girl in a different light after we had ferried her everywhere and had spent time at our home a lot, such as after School, weekend play dates etc.
Kids can be cruel so always be kind, its tough growing up!

I’m surprised there are still schools that allow invites handed out on school property.

What entitlement? Op has literally said it's crap that the invites are handed out in front of those not invited.

So what??? The entitlement!

Are you sure it was 80% as in 24/30 children, or could it have been 80% of the girls and a few boys making up half the class?

I don’t think it’s a big deal. Dd are 10 and 12 now, sometimes invited to big parties, sometimes not. I think they learnt pretty quickly to get over the disappointment even when others talk about what fun it was. There were plenty of other parties they did go to. I guess it would be different if the same kids were excluded every time.

The adults in this situation should be behaving with grace. The mum giving out the invitations and the teacher allowing it to happen in full view of the kids not included.

@sprigatito that's one of the saddest things I've ever read, that woman is truly an arsehole of the highest order.

Wow. No one has a right to be invited to someone elses party!

Kids need to learn to handle rejection with grace

3 girls out of how many? I think this is relevant. Is it also boys and girls? If so then there's no issue here. Parties are expensive and if only around 80% are invited then it's clearly a cost/numbers thing.

Ds is 7 and I've given him a limit on how many he can invite due to our budget and told him to make a list of names. I have no idea how many boys or girls are in the class so if anyone feels left out, it's because my son doesn't consider them close enough friends.

I agree with this.
Yes it’s heartbreaking when your child is not invited but it’s a chance for them to learn to deal with disappointment whilst they are young and you are there to support them.
Imagine being shielded from disappointment all of your childhood, how would you cope as an adult when something bad happens?

Also, even if invites are handed out separately or done on WhatsApp, the parents will still tell their children that they are going to Henrietta's party at the weekend, so the children will still talk about it at school

Disagree. We can teach our children to be kind and considerate of how their behaviour might make others feel.

@StarlightLime yes, that really happened, and it still upset me. That child bullied my son in secondary school as well. I still see his revolting mother around sometimes.

Did that really happen?

start a WhatsApp group for the parents.

Not always easy if you don't know the parents and use wrap around.

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

It's just part of life. Things we all need to experience and go through to build resilience.

Not everyone can and will be wanted and liked by everyone. Sooner we learn that, and learn how to deal with it, the better.

Yes. That's unkind. There is no need to exclude just 3 girls and there is also no need to hand out invitations when not everyone is invited - that's smug.....start a WhatsApp group for the parents.

I don't get upset about these things. I am not doing parties for my kids this year but I don't have a clue of all the names of my kids' classmates, I would just invite who they want to invite. I don't have the names and numbers of every parent either, even with my y4, new kids start at the school.

Not everyone can be invited to every party and I have told my children the same.