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Original poster

To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

160 replies

GotMooMilk · 15/02/2024 21:56

Maybe overthinking as 7 year old has been really upset this eve. This morning one of the girls in her class was running around handing out party invites at drop off, about 80% of class invited from sounds of it? 3 girls not invited, DD included.
I know they can’t be invited to every party, that’s life. But just feels crap for the kids left out. All the other kids all excited, chatting about it and there just standing there awkwardly. Almost every party is organised discretely on whatsapp here so although I’m sure they talk about it it isn’t as obvious as it was this morning.

OP posts:
Kendodd · 16/02/2024 09:28

Kalevala · 16/02/2024 09:08

Wow! Do regular working class Ukrainians have children's parties with all those things then?

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According to my old guest, yes. She wasn't rich and just working in hospitality in Ukraine. Everything about the Ukraine is better than the UK according to her, and actually, Ukrainians DO return to Ukraine for medical and dental treatment. I know a lot of what she said we just bravardo though.

Kalevala · 16/02/2024 09:11

I'm a teacher. Our stance on this is that, unless the whole class are invited, no invites are to be given out on school grounds.

Not even in bookbags? How do parents manage if they just want to invite a small number of children their child plays with but don't know the other parents?

Kalevala · 16/02/2024 09:08

Kendodd · 16/02/2024 09:00

I had a Ukkrainian living with me, her child was invited to a whole class party. They were Y1, perfectly normal village hall party with a bouncy castle. Child was fine and had a good time. Mum was offended at how poor the party was, she went on about it for ages. No entertainment for the adults, just mums standing around talking 'like stupid people'. No clowns or fairground rides for the children, on and on it went.

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Wow! Do regular working class Ukrainians have children's parties with all those things then?

Kendodd · 16/02/2024 09:00

Behindthecurtainofdoom · 16/02/2024 00:14

I know a child who was not invited to a party in her own back garden. The Ukrainian family living in their annex have a daughter in her class. Apparently the child is a social butterfly at school and birthday girl didn't want her playing Queen Bee at her party. So she just didn't get invited. Hard to fathom.

I had a Ukkrainian living with me, her child was invited to a whole class party. They were Y1, perfectly normal village hall party with a bouncy castle. Child was fine and had a good time. Mum was offended at how poor the party was, she went on about it for ages. No entertainment for the adults, just mums standing around talking 'like stupid people'. No clowns or fairground rides for the children, on and on it went.

Windymillering · 16/02/2024 08:56

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:28

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

Wtaf? That’s horrific. I’m so sorry your son had to experience such cruelty and from not just an adult but a parent.

BadCovers · 16/02/2024 08:53

yutu · 16/02/2024 02:20

I agree too!

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Yes, this. Mn has a bee in its bonnet about parties and ‘exclusions’, and it’s not about protecting the feelings of children who haven’t yet learned resilience, because the same people see “cliques’ and ‘exclusions’ and ‘Queen Bees’ everywhere among adults.

iOoOOoOi · 16/02/2024 08:53

cadburyegg · 15/02/2024 22:34

Also, even if invites are handed out separately or done on WhatsApp, the parents will still tell their children that they are going to Henrietta's party at the weekend, so the children will still talk about it at school

The kids wont talk about if they are told why they shouldn't.

icallitasplodge · 16/02/2024 08:51

Oh yes.

i was with the mums in the pub (invited last minute) “see you all at pollys party in the morning!”

me “not invited so you wont” 👋🏻

SandyWaves · 16/02/2024 08:49

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:28

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

That's awful.

How did your son's party go on the day? I hope it was ok.

32degrees · 16/02/2024 07:24

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:28

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

What an absolute bitch.

I'm so sorry that happened to your DS.

asdunno · 16/02/2024 03:14

It is awful. I would either do a whole class party or invite a few close friends discreetly.

DanceWithYou · 16/02/2024 03:04

As you said, you know they won’t be invited to every party and that’s life. I’m sure they feel a bit left out and it’s hard seeing your children upset, but not everyone can or wants to invite everyone and that’s ok. Just explain that to her. Hopefully your children be invited to other parties.

We invited everyone but 2 children once, they had bullied my child and a few other children in the class, no way were they ruining my child’s party. I’m sure some people think that’s awful.

Mothership4two · 16/02/2024 02:37

Is it only girls being invited and out of about 15 three were left our or 20% of a mixed class weren't invited?

Of course it's hurtful to be left out. Sounds like it was badly handled with the invites in the first place. They may have a limit on numbers though. I remember what a big thing parties were from when my two were in primary school.

yutu · 16/02/2024 02:20

Fairyliz · 15/02/2024 22:35

I agree with this.
Yes it’s heartbreaking when your child is not invited but it’s a chance for them to learn to deal with disappointment whilst they are young and you are there to support them.
Imagine being shielded from disappointment all of your childhood, how would you cope as an adult when something bad happens?

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I agree too!

mathanxiety · 16/02/2024 02:07

My DCs' school had a rule that if you were throwing a party and wanted to hand out invitations in school everyone had to be invited.

I thought it was very sensible.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 16/02/2024 01:59

user1477391263 · 16/02/2024 00:16

It isn’t really, though. It’s normal etiquette among adults that you don’t openly hand out invitations to an event in a group of people who normally spend time together and exclude a couple of people; it would be considered incredibly rude to do this in a workplace or hobby group.

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Agreed. Our school doesn't allow this for that reason. What sort of person sends their child into school with invitations for half the class so the other half can stand and watch?! Twats.

sprigatito · 16/02/2024 00:29

That's your prerogative @PorpoiseWithPurpose - we can never be sure anyone is telling the truth on the internet 🤷🏻‍♀️

It absolutely did happen though. We rescheduled the party and still invited the whole class. About half of them came, not including her child. I try not to bear grudges, but I loathe that entire family, especially since Y8 when her son punched mine in the face during a lesson and lied his way out of punishment. DS1 is at university now and it's such a bloody relief that he's found his own tribe and doesn't have to deal with bullies any more.

YoungCuriousAndLookingForAnswers · 16/02/2024 00:28

I'm a teacher. Our stance on this is that, unless the whole class are invited, no invites are to be given out on school grounds. I think it's worth mentioning to the school. It won't help now as your DD is already feeling (understandably) upset, but maybe they need to remind parents that this isn't acceptable so it doesn't happen to another child in the future.

For now, work on building DD's resilience. Remind her that parties cost a lot and not everyone can be invited etc. Possibly look into doing something together on the day of the party so she has something fun to look forwards to and share wheb other children are discussing the party.

BobbyBiscuits · 16/02/2024 00:27

There should be an unwritten rule about it really, but I guess the kid didn't get the memo. Her parents may well have not realised 3 people were excluded.
It's a shame, but try to move on and not make it a big deal. You could also ask DD casually if she wants to have the other 2 kids round for a little party round the same time? (and/or with other friends from outside of school) Just in case she is still feeling left out.

Notsoslim · 16/02/2024 00:23

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:28

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

wow that’s incredibly cruel

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 16/02/2024 00:22

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:28

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

I’m sorry. I can’t believe a mother would march up to a young boy handing out invites and say any of this.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 16/02/2024 00:22

StarlightLime · 15/02/2024 22:41

The adults in this situation should be behaving with grace. The mum giving out the invitations and the teacher allowing it to happen in full view of the kids not included.

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OP doesn't say mum was present, could have dropped and gone , child was handingvthem out, and doesn't say the teacher was present. Our school only 2 staff come onto the yard until whistle is blown.

blackpear · 16/02/2024 00:19

sprigatito · 15/02/2024 22:28

It makes me so angry when parents do this. They're encouraging cruelty in their children, it's bizarre. DS1 is autistic and was proudly handing out invitations for his 7th birthday (whole class!) and this utter bitch of a mother marched up to him and bluntly told him he needn't bother, nobody would come, as her son was having his party on the same day and the whole class was invited apart from DS1. He was so upset he didn't speak for a few days after that.

I think all you can do is comfort DD and empathise with her, and let her know that there are better and more decent ways of treating others than this. Maybe do something nice with her on the party day.

Jesus. I’m so sorry. This has brought a lump to my throat. What an absolute fucking bitch.

Paradiddlediddle · 16/02/2024 00:19

Their card will be marked!! Sorry horrible typo.

Paradiddlediddle · 16/02/2024 00:18

Of course you can’t be invited to every party and it’s a good lesson for your child. But only a prick would do this and I guarantee a lot of other parents are thinking what a prick they are. It will all shake down eventually and the kid will probably turn into a prick too sadly. There will be a few friends Whatsapp groups buzzing tonight about what a prick the parents are of this child. There card will
be marked.

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