To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

I think it’s fine when the child only invites their actual friends. This tends to happen as they get older. I seem to remember only inviting a select few to my parties when I was a child. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted certain kids to be there and I would have said so. My DS is having a party soon but only inviting his friends.

I think full class parties should be full class parties and nobody missed out. HOWEVER, I don’t think children should be forced in to inviting any bullies. Tough luck on the bullies I’m afraid if they’re the only ones not invited. Part of being a bully - you miss out. All this “being the bigger person” shouldn’t be expected of a 7 year old. They should be able to enjoy their party without it being rubbed in their face that their bullies are there.

@GotMooMilk You're right, they could have handled it more discreetly to save the other children's feelings.

I remember when ds was in reception and his core group of friends was invited to a class party that he wasn't. I did feel a little pang of sadness in my heart for him but it was a really good lesson for him to learn.

We ended up doing something 'special' that day to take his mind off it and for future parties, he wasn't fussed when he wasn't invited.

The 3 boys would then be the only ones left out. Leaving out 3 children is worse than leaving out 6 children.

Op, you think around 24 was invited to the party and around 6 children, boys and girls left out?
That would be 25 including the bday child Going to the party. This is a standard number of guests for most kids party venues.

Those saying the left out kids should be included, you're looking at £10-20 per head. Times that by 6 and that's potentially an extra £120 + not exactly a little extra to pay.

Yes it's not nice being left out but I think you're projecting here. Whatever the reason for your child not being invited, it doesn't seem malicious or intentional on the birthday child's part. 3 boys and 3 girls is a fare split and like others have mentioned. You can't be invited to everything so it's best to teach your child resilience and help them not take it as personally as you have.

You're also just guessing numbers here so you don't actually know how many and who has been invited. The party could be 50% of the class and you've massively overreacted for no reason whatsoever.

Actually i disagree with ever inviting all kids. Certainly when year groups are over 30

Parties are organised by mums and often they pick the invitees.
Dd1 got annoyed with a boy who was mean about his party in reception taunting her she wasnt invited.
She hit him on the head!
Awful. However he has continued to be a very annoying kid ,(now 12) and if anything got worse.
I actually think its more important to Realise who your dc actual friends are.
As dc got invited to a few yr r to y3 then none.

Friends are the ones who invite for non party outings... At weekends etc.

@sprigatito

How utterly horrible!! Your poor DC, that is so cruel! You have to wonder at some people.
There was a bitch girl in my class who used to do this sort of thing, was very much the ‘top dog’. She made a point of not inviting girls to parties and play dates and leaving me and another girl out. It was horrible.
Ive never forgotten it, we were at Junior school. I turn 60 this year.
Hope your DC moved onwards and upwards.

I think it is part of life. It would be lovely if everyone was invited or the inviting was done considerately but not everyone will teach this to their kids so they have to learn it in order to build resilience for when it happens in adulthood as well.

Unless they are the only one left out most kids will shrug it off and get revenge when their own birthdays come around.

Sorry, 3 girls.

I've done full class parties (definitely in reception) but also ones with between 10-20 children and thankfully the school would put the invites in the book bags because quite honestly I wouldn't know what the parents/people collecting the children invited looked like in a few cases when my DC were little.
Also would like to say that even though we did a class party several times and had other parties every year one of my DC only got about 5 invitations to parties during the whole of their primary years.
Thankfully past all that now.

We don't have a parents WhatsApp, so only way to do invites is handing out at school. I try to do it discreetly by handing them to the teacher in the morning to distribute to at some point during the day....which turned into her handing them to my dc to distribute himself to everyone at home time (which was exactly what I'd been trying to avoid). In our case, we were inviting the whole class, so not really an issue (the whole class is like 12 of them!). But it did mean that we ended up accidentally inviting a random who just happened to have the same name as one of the children invited. He isn't even in the class but was there and my dc just handed him the invitation with his name on it assuming it was him (instead of his actual friend by that name!). Fortunately, random same name child declined, and I figured it out when a mum I'd never heard of before messaged me to RSVP, so was able to sort out a new invite for dc's friend who was actually meant to be invited. But I have no doubt that he might have felt a bit upset if he didn't think he was invited initially. I know teachers have better things to be doing, but I was hoping it would mitigate any issues by just quietly giving them to the teacher to slip into bags.

How much would it have cost to invite the other 3?!

It's 6. If 24/30 were invited then 3 boys were also left out.

Maybe the numbers were set to 30 and the child had 6 friends from another class or scouts or sport to invite. I think they should have been told to choose 15 from class if they weren't inviting the whole class though.

At least 6 not 3 @PinkiOcelot

How much would it have cost to invite the other 3?!

I remember years ago being the only child not invited to a party. Our birthdays were the same day and her mum said to mine that she thought I’d be having my own party. Who with, considering she’d invited everyone else in the class?! I’ve never forgotten that.

For all you know the invited kids could have had a lovely life with very few disappointments and the uninvited kids could have had a very difficult life and not need yet another disappointment. It's not up to crappy parents to decide who to teach "life lessons" to by making a display of excluding kids from parties. That's just a crap excuse for behaving badly to children.

"Life isn't fair" isn't an excuse to treat children as shittily as you like, as it'll be good for them to learn to deal with being treated badly. 🙄

It's sad that they just left a few out. I understand they may be restricted with numbers but it's not even as if they invited half, 24 out of 30 I think I'd have tried to invite them all. Hope your DD is OK. YANBU

Life is full of disappointments and it’s our job as parents to teach our children how to handle them and how to move past them. Don’t dwell on it with her & after an initial short discussion if she mentions it, change the subject to something happier. In the future, she’ll miss out on the job she wanted, won’t get the house she wanted, won’t be invited to every occasion going. Teach her that it’s all part of life and that it doesn’t mean anything or matter. (This is said kindly, not critically).

I knew you would say that! In every year throughout all of my dc school lives it was always the sweet natured, quieter children that were hurt in this way. Every bloody time. I say that as a parent of very extroverted kids. It’s almost like it’s decided they won’t mind or notice they are not invited.

Fear not, your children will grow up to have wonderful friendships and this incident will be a life lesson that not everyone is as kind as them, and how it feels to be on the other side of things. Teaching them empathy and compassion for others, and more rounded in the end.

That's what our school did too. You'd still get the occasional dickhead mum who preferred to make a display of who was included and excluded. I suppose it's a life lesson that some people are dickheads and best avoided.

It hurts, but it's a life lesson. You're not going to be invited to everything as an adult, so why should you be raised with that expectation.

Obviously, two questions come out of this:

Why are the kids/family so mean as to not realise it is cruel?
and
What did your daughter do/not do to result in this decision?

For example, many people get bullied at school... and I'd get pissed, maybe even never forgive my parents if they MADE me invite everyone (including the bullly) to my party.

You always get one or two rotten apples in every cart.

The mothers will tell you it’s up to precious if they wish to invite almost everyone but a few - the same parents that are SUPPOSED to teach their children empathy, emotional intelligence and social skills.

We have watched this play out over the years and the outcome is disastrous for those children. - they grow up to be friendless confused young adults, and really suffer later in life socially as they are not equipped for social interactions as they have no idea how to form decent friendships.

We have watched it time and again children being left out, to the point where I can even accurately speculate which kids this will happen to, it will be the mean mum creating division sowing the seeds very early in life. The one that says the feelings of others don’t matter - and a sense of entitlement that their child’s current wants should trump educating them to consider other people.

The only thing you can do is insulate your child as far as possible. If you know the other children or parents well organise a fun alternative or do so with home friends, family, neighbours. Tell your child it is not them, that the other child isn’t being raised to be kind and that sad for them. Dump the responsibility at the door of the parents that choose to be such bad role models. Celebrate all the people you know that wouldn’t do this with your child. There is far more good in the world basically, that’s the message.

At my child's school they ask that invites are handed to teachers in the morning and then distributed by the teachers into children's book bags/rucksacks to avoid this. I really appreciate it.