To think it’s crap for the non-invited kids when party invites are handed out at school?

I think that is so unkind the whole class should be invited, if it's a big party.

At pre school a friend's son was the only child in a class of 25 who wasn't invited to a party. He wasn't a horrid boy either.

I can go one better than that - one boys mum asked me to do joint bday disco party for our boys in same class.

I decided against it as my son dudnt like dancing so I said thanks but no thanks

I arranged a football party for the Saturday invited her son / she arranged a swimming party for the Sunday but did NOT invite my son, all boys at party on Saturday left saying to each other see you tomorrow....

People are shit

That’s fine in your scenario as your DC gets to decide who he wants and that’s perfect as no one can argue with one child being invited etc..

The issue is, how would how would your DC feel if 21/25 kids were invited and your DC was one of the four out of 25 that wasn’t invited? I imagine not great….

When it's 50/50 or less, I never minded. When it's basically everyone except one or two, I think the parents are pretty shitty human beings.

I have sat an explained this to my DC. They could only invite one child from their class this year to do a day trip somewhere due to cost issues for us, wasn't easy but they did pick a child and I discretely asked their parent. DS wanted to pick more than one friend but I said its very low key this year (he doesn't know there's a trip of a lifetime happening soon so we are saving up).

He hasn't been invited to others parties and that's life. You take the good with the bad.

and that’s the only thing you took from my reply? I agree with that part but this wasn’t that….

1/ of course they aren’t all best friends but to invite 22 and leave out 3 is piss poor. They aren’t great friends with the other 20+ kids either….

2/ invite who you like but don’t do it under the non invited kids noses… no need in this day and age when everyone knows everyone’s details.

If you can’t comprehend that they you’re the type of person and parent that makes kids feel utterly shit for no reason other than you can’t empathise……

At the same time, it does sound like this boy wasn't particularly friends with your DC. Not everyone can go to every party.

Yeah, totally this.

Parents are far too involved in this stuff.

Everyone is wrong in this scenario.

@sprigatito that is just horrendous. Were you there, what did you say? I agree with a PP that tbh I might have punched her! I’m very very glad your boy got his party.

DC is three and I’m reading all these stories with mounting horror. I don’t know what l do if he’s left out!

I remember when DC was in yr 2 and the mother of the birthday boy gave him the invitations to hand out to the invited kids. He was handing them out like Willy Wonkas golden tickets!

It was the ‘popular’ kids that were invited. My DC and two other boys weren’t invited as they weren’t in the popular gang. My DC asked the birthday boy where his invite was and my heart broke a bit.

I understand kids have parties and they all can’t be invited but to exclude 3 out of 25 seems a bit shit. If you’re going to do that then do it discreetly. In this day and age where everyone is on FB, instagram etc she could have easily messaged the parents.

My DC has SEN and gets excluded anyway so it hit a nerve with me more. They have a lovely group of friends and they are popular amongst their group.

What made it worse was the fact the mother was ‘alternative’ at school and wasn’t one of the popular ones. She’ll know what it’s like to not be invited to things etc and fit the stereotype. I would have thought she’d have more understanding but apparently not!

I was so mad because it reinforced to my DC that he’s not as popular that I could have cried. I blocked her in FB and couldn’t look at her again! Thankfully the classes split up. It was a few years ago now and I still feel rage when I see her lol

Sorry, I think the mother who organised the garden party in this instance was as bad as the girl originally planning the party. Worse, in fact, as there is some excuse for a ten-year-old who can't be expected to have an adult's common sense and life-experience.

Inviting everyone bar this one girl and her parents to a 'rival' garden party was very low behaviour. Pretty unpleasant for the parents who might have had no clue their daughter was using the party they'd carefully planned for her as a mechanism for unpleasantness.

As a godmother, a trusted advisor who should promote 'godly' behaviour, you should have advised your GD to attend the original party, not become part of a cruel and spiteful 'coup' against another family.

What a beautiful bit of karma

I unfortunately can...I know many cruel bitchy mums like this

Wow, your poor son... that's horrific!!😥

I am remember this DS2, used to get so upset if he wasn’t invited. DS1 on the other hand used to hide the invites, that was equally embarrassing, when the mums, asked why we didn’t turn up. With kids you just can’t win sometimes!

@CammyChameleon

There's a tradition (though not all partake) in DCs' school of kids bringing in cupcakes or sweets for the class to have at the end of the day on their birthdays.

This wasn't allowed at DS school from right back when they started there in 2004 due to health risks ie allergies.

My god daughter (10/11) had an astonishing situation where her friend learnt that one of her ‘friends’ in their group was planning a birthday party on the last day of term.

The birthday girl had asked the ‘invited’ girls to keep the date free and was bragging both about the party itself and who wouldn’t be invited! As girls can be sometimes sadly. GD friend was incandescent and furious to be left out deliberately, and hurt as they had been close friends since reception - that night her mother sent out a WA invite to lots of parents, side stepping the birthday girl, to a huge garden party for everyone on the same afternoon the birthday party was planned for …Of course everyone accepted as they didn’t know about the birthday girl’s plans. Invites hadn’t been sent out yet.

So everyone went to the garden party, birthday girl was forced to abandon her party because no one was free to attend, and as far as I know spent the afternoon and evening alone. She never quite recovered her queen bee status.

It’s definitely not the case that ALL mothers (or kids for that matter) will roll over and put up with shit behaviour. Some will kick right back. I only know about this as GD didn’t know what to do, as she was invited to both.

It's really hard especially when so few are left out. I try to get mine to do paper invites quietly or hand them to a parent and we have a chat about not talking about parties at school as people feel sad when they are left out. We do chat about the fact that we can only have so many people at a party so not everyone can come.
My nearly 7 year old was sad on valentines day as someone she considered a close friend handed out cards saying you're a special friend to all of their group of friends except for her. It's really hard to be left out at any point in life

Not everyone parents in the same way or is/ can be quite as involved in their child's school life.

Well in some ways though can’t help but think it’s a bit shit for the poor kids whose parents are not on the whats app groups/don’t know the other parents who presumably then never get invited to anything as no one has a way to contact them.

I’ve always gone with invite either a few close friends or everyone but then we’ve always been able to pay for an invite everyone party if that’s the choice. If it’s inviting a few regardless of how the invites go out the kids know as they talk about what they’ve done in school. The Y3 kids my youngest is friends with I’d say she’s invited about 1/2 the time and it’s been like that since covid restrictions ended. They often only have 4-6 kids at a party and she’s sometimes a bit disappointed at ones she misses but it’s hardly the end of the world and no harm to realise you can’t always be top choice for everyone

Yes I do agree with this as well really.

It's a shame for the kids not invited, but it is part of life. Hopefully they will be invited to the next one.

If it were my child I'd probably try and do something with them on the day of the party, have a treat day or something so they will at least also be having a nice day.

I have always known the names of the children after a while, not so much the parents. But yes most know inviting everyone but 2 is a non starter. Ditto with the invites.

We did parties for six in later years or whole class in early years in our year groups and it worked really well. No bad feelings.

Well in some ways though can’t help but think it’s a bit shit for the poor kids whose parents are not on the whats app groups/don’t know the other parents who presumably then never get invited to anything as no one has a way to contact them.

I’ve always gone with invite either a few close friends or everyone but then we’ve always been able to pay for an invite everyone party if that’s the choice. If it’s inviting a few regardless of how the invites go out the kids know as they talk about what they’ve done in school.