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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend should come to me?

32 replies

weddingwaiting · 15/02/2024 19:19

I am getting married in March.

A friend of mine (of around 13 years) is now unable to make it for disappointing but valid reasons.

My friend lives in London and I live in rural East of England so although I can get to London it is expensive and takes about 2 hours on public transport (which is in short supply so I have to drive about 20 mins to a train station).

So far the slots my friend has offered to meet me are after work or in between other things he has going on so practically speaking it wouldn’t work for him to come here which would mean I would have to travel to London, which I hate, to receive my apology/treat dinner.

Historically I have always travelled to him or we have met in the middle but AIBU to think if he really wanted to make it up to me he would make the effort to come to me this time and offer me a whole day/evening?!

OP posts:
Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/02/2024 19:43

@BobbyBiscuits the making it up to me was offered! As a treat. My AIBU is that it’s not much of a treat for me to schlep to London.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 15/02/2024 19:39

Why do you expect an apology that someone has a legit reason not to attend your event? If it feels like that's what you are angling for it doesn't sound great for the friend. They haven't done anything wrong. Can't you just meet in the middle at some point?

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/02/2024 19:35

@Ariona he offered!

OP posts:
Ariona · 15/02/2024 19:33

Yabu, what would you do there anyway? Why does he need to make it up to you?

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/02/2024 19:23

@OurfriendsintheNE I’m not expecting grovelling - I understand why he can’t make the wedding even though it’s disappointing. I just don’t think it’s much of a treat for me if I have to pay £60 train fair and travel for 2.5hours

OP posts:
chiwwy · 15/02/2024 19:22

YANBU, as he has never come to you then you need to put your foot down and tell him to come to you.

He thinks he’s more important than you, don’t re-enforce that by travelling to him.

And if you can’t tell him ‘come to me for a change’ then it’s not much of a friendship.

OurfriendsintheNE · 15/02/2024 19:22

I’m not sure he should have to grovel to make it up to you for not making it to the wedding but it wouldn’t be unreasonable to insist on meeting in the middle at a time that suits you both.

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