daughter was asked to leave homebase because she's under 18?

I said “attempts to”. The shop wouldn’t want arguments and can make the process easier by not having u-18s in store. “Straw man” 🙄

Jeez, so much work by posters to appoint themselves Queen Of Homebase.

It is a matter of hiding your true self. Always behaving in a way that is contrary to your nature is hard. BUT I don't know anyone who uses their autism as an excuse to be rude, most I know put a huge amount of effort into not accidentally offending people, it doesn't always work though! I'm surprised that someone like you with so much experience of autism had never heard of masking or burnout.

I am not talking about basic manners either. I am talking about the little social rules like not being too direct (very British). Not answering all questions honestly (of course you don't look fat!). Using the right 'tone'. I spent years being accused of being sarcastic when I NEVER use sarcasm! Answering questions with a sentence longer than one word. Small talk. That sort of thing. It's a lot to remember and it's exhausting to keep up with!

Imagine spending every day pretending to be someone else, like a permanent improvisation class or even a very long con! Every time you do something or say something you are doing it as that person. When you get it wrong and realise it you're furious with yourself! People will notice, you'll be found out. Every day. Forever. How long before your nerves would be shot to pieces do you think?

Not this again. The manager says “we’ve had so much trouble with teens that I want them challenged and if they’re not with an adult please ask them to leave”.

Is that not official enough?

Yes it’s quite apparent you would be mortified if your daughter or any other girl stood up for herself in any way.

If there were such a ban, there would be signage. Or there should be.

Nothing difficult - but expecting telepathy is unhelpful.

And if there were such a policy, the cashier clearly didn't know about it.

So something has gone wrong somewhere.

As for knives etc, they can't be sold to under 18s, so that's a straw man.

And managers defer to their head office management.

@LutonBeds What is it you "wonder" about 16yr olds being on their own? I can answer that as I had my own place at 16. What do you want to know?

I've checked the FAQs on their website and there is nothing to say under 18s aren't allowed in. To be honest, it wouldn't be a stupid policy given the large trolleys, types of heavy products etc being moved around - at least for younger children. But if there were such a policy, there needs to be clear signage.

BUT there isn't such a policy.

The sales assistant and manager were wrong.

The cashier was right.

And teenage girls are allowed to question authority.

The manager runs the shop. MNers ringing up Homebase do not run the shop.

If the manager bans unaccompanied teens (perhaps because of theft or attempts to buy products like knives or glue, or has been asked by local police to operate a strict policy about those things) then there’s a ban. What’s so difficult about this?

“Entitled little mare” Wowsers!! You really hate girls don’t you?

If it’s an official policy It. Will. Be. Written. Down.

Even if it was a fictional policy so what?

Oh yeah - sure 😂Is that your view on all policies?! Hoping you don’t work in any sort of vaguely professional area!

No I'm not wrong. There is a policy that under 18s can't buy from the website.

There is no general policy that under 18s can't go into a shop without a supervising adult.

I have. You’re WRONNNNNNGGG.

The dirty looks but was especially funny.

We haven't established that it is fictional at all - managers have a degree discretion regarding individual store policy.

It’s not a fictional policy. The member of staff said it and the manager confirmed it. All of this checking with head office is so pointless. The manager does what s/he thinks right

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!

The policy does not exist! Read the thread!

It seems to me that OP's daughter was acting like an entitled little mare who would cause more trouble to physically eject from the store

An "entitled little mare". Does that only apply to teenage girls who stand for up for themselves?

Or do you think it unacceptable for teenage boys to have opinions.

And at what age are you allowed to have opinions and stand up for yourself?

There is no evidence that the OP's dd was rude, entitled, or a little mare.

This thread is quite eye-opening, for the ageism, sexism and deferral to some sort of perceived authority.

It’s not a fictional policy. The member of staff said it and the manager confirmed it. All of this checking with head office is so pointless. The manager does what s/he thinks right.

Even if it was a ‘fictional’ policy, so what?

And no, if I were asked to leave a shop because I’m too young (I wish!) I wouldn’t consider it “bullshit”. I got ID’d in the US many years ago when I was over 30. So what?

If I was wrongly accused of stealing or being aggressive to staff I’d protest. But that’s not the case here, is it?

Thank you.

It's not a matter of "hiding her true self". It's a matter of learning how to act in a manner which doesn't upset other people. Harder work for those who are on the spectrum, but not impossible for most. It's just that many seem to use their condition as an excuse.

It's learning good manners.

It isn't a policy though. The person in the shop was wrong, and so was the manager.

The only person who appeared to understand their own rules was the person on the cash desk.

It seems to me that OP's daughter was acting like an entitled little mare who would cause more trouble to physically eject from the store if she refused to leave, and that that was why the assistant followed her round (for her own safety) and she was able to pay for her purchases and leave.

It just seems as though if you expect basic courtesy towards retail staff trying to do the job they are paid for (when OP rang the store, the shop manager confirmed the "under-18" policy), it brings out all the "over-officious jobsworth" comments. It's just part of the landscape of casual, endemic entitlement, I guess.

Autism burnout is very common in autistic people, women especially, who feel they have to constantly hide their true selves to fit in with societal expectations of acceptable behaviour. Of course we can learn social skills but if they do not come naturally the stress of keeping up the mask is immense. I've seen it compared to being at a job interview 24/7 for the rest of your life, it's not sustainable. And of course not all autistic people are capable of masking, which is why they refer to low and high masking autism now, instead of low and high functioning.

Aggression?

It is bullshit if it’s an entirely fictional policy 🤷‍♀️Which I think we’ve established it is.

I’d consider being asked to leave a shop for no good reason a prime instance of ‘bullshit’. Wouldn’t you?

Why is being asked to leave a shop “any old bullshit”?

The kid wasn’t being insulted or assaulted. Why the aggression about this?

"Burnt out?". What is that supposed to mean?

I appreciate that "if you've met one person with autism you've met one person with autism", but automatically assuming that people with autism are totally unable to learn any social skills, so should be excused for being rude and/or lazy is unfair to them.