daughter was asked to leave homebase because she's under 18?

Yes, they are subjective!

But also, "you're being rude" can be weaponised as an excuse to ignore someone's legitimate points. That's literally what tone policing, that I mentioned upthread, is.

When someone has decided that they want to ignore you but recognises that the optics of saying "I'm going to ignore you" are poor, they will keep telling you to be politer and politer and you can never be polite enough because it's not about manners, it's about silencing.

For many on this thread, this teen girl could never be polite enough in how she challenged the shop worker because those posters think she should have meekly left when all she wanted to do was buy a plant. But some of them recognise that the optics of telling a teen girl to unquestioningly submit are not good when posting on a female-dominated, substantially feminist web forum. So they claim that she was "rude" when they weren't even there to see and hear the interaction, to undermine her.

😆👏

Do you like to be purposely obtuse? Yes often they aren't given the best training, I do think they would at least know basics like shop hours and who is allowed in the store. You'd be more likely to know what isn't allowed rather than what is

You’re greatly overestimating the knowledge of a random teenager on Homebase policies

While I agree with this in general, I do wonder if they’d know this rule about under 18s very well as it does them a massive favour? I worked in retail when a student and students from the local schools were a PITA after school as they’d come in in groups and try on as many outfits as they were allowed with no intention of buying anything (taking selfies) and didn’t really bother putting them back on the hangers. I would have loved this rule!

Of course I am, but considering the poster in question is able to actively acknowledge her mannerisms and way of speaking to people this suggests that it’s more than ‘just autism’. A diagnosis is not an excuse to be rude, that attitude really bothers me. If you can acknowledge it then you can put in the effort to change it

I think of it as a DIY store. Its not generally a shop i’d expect to see teenagers shopping in (unless dragged along by parents).

Rudeness and being straightforward are clearly quite subjective. 😂 I think your latter example is rude. You first is outrageously rude - verbally abusive.

I cannot understand why posters are ng your daughter heat! Good on her for standing up for herself 👏

Ref the age restriction or any other restriction, a shop can set any rule they want as long as it doesn't discriminate - disability, race, religion, gender, sexuality.

And to the dumb dumb who suggested a 16yo would be renting and therefore couldn't have their own place, why assume that? A 16yo could own a property or be in sheltered accomodation cos they've just left care....

You greatly overestimate the training given to typical shop floor workers.

I don't live in the UK, but have never heard of any normal retail stores who have any age limit for customers, and I see a lot of teens in various stores. Madness.

No need to be a smart arse. Context is important here, I'm sure the shop worker knew more about basic policy than the daughter 🙄

If I could consistently tell the difference between polite and impolite, my line manager would not have have to take me to one side today to tell me that I'd upset someone, because I would already have known. I didn't know and still don't understand why.

What I described was the really unhelpful feedback I get when I get it "wrong" (according to NT people).

Plants? A cute little mirror? Scatter cushions? Fairy lights? All at homebase. What were you into at 16? They do sell glue and blades. It's just not the first thing that springs to mind for most folk.

Rules are generally in place to protect the organisation not individuals

Can’t say that any of that is true for my DD. She has only recently been diagnosed, no coaching sessions here. Your posts lead me to believe that you do know and realise the difference between being polite and impolite, you don’t need a coaching session to tell you what’s right and wrong.

Nobody said anything to you about tone? What exactly is the point you’re trying to make?

Why? She phoned the shop and they confirmed that all under 18’s have to be with someone 18+ for some bizarre reason, so there was probably nothing else to it.

That’s because it’s not true. Minors can enter into a contract in the UK. Generally such a contract would be voidable until the child reaches the age of 18, but they can be bound by a contract for necessities, including accommodation or, for example, a contract for education or training such as an apprenticeship

OK. It’s meaningless.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonepolicing

@MaloneMeadow

tl;dr: see picture.

What on earth are you on about

WTF is ‘tone policing’? Do you mean it’s wrong to object to being insulted, abused or shouted at?

This whole "you can ask, but not in those words, no, not those words either, no, you need to smile more and look less hostile (I smile like Jaws going for the kill BTW, I cannot fake a warm smile to save my life), no, your body language is wrong" seems a lot to me like tone-policing.

Is your daughter a younger clone of me? I get really upset by rules that seem to have no purpose too and also get into trouble for challenging them, apparently "the wrong way" but no one has ever told me what the right way is in a way that I can consistently follow.