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Original poster

What does FWB mean to you?

83 replies

Curiousto · 14/02/2024 20:07

There has been a few threads across all the boards recently where people in FWB arrangements have been told they aren't FWB by other MN users. One poster said they were exclusive FWB, and was told by another poster they weren't FWB, but were in a relationship.

On this night of lurve, what does FWB mean to you?

I've read with interest as for me, my FWB and I message every day, several times a day. We see each other about once a fortnight for the weekend. I've stayed at his for 6 days in a row. We go to the cinema, to restaurants, on walks, bike rides, to pubs, day trips out to local cities. Been on 2 UK 4 day breaks together. We've got events planned in the diary up to August. We've met each others friends and family.

We talk about the stresses of life and have supported each other through some tough situations. We mostly message, rarely call. It's been this way for 18 months.

I've slept with 3 others and been on a few dates in that 18 months. He doesn't know about them. He may have slept with others. I don't know. Not my business.

It works for us.

If you're in/have had FWB, what works for you?

If you've never experienced FWB, what are your thoughts?

OP posts:
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TheCadoganArms · 31/07/2024 16:20

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What you describe sounds about as far away from a FWB arrangement as possible. They are supposed to be fun, casual and without drama. You sound emotionally invested which kind of defeats of the purpose of a FWB set up.

XenoBitch · 31/07/2024 15:07

To me, it is a friendship where you shag on occasion.
Back in my 20s, I had 2 FWB. Didn't want a relationship with either, but just great sex.
Years later, I am still in touch with one (no shagging though). He is now in a poly relationship with a married couple and they are all very happy.

saffronguilds · 31/07/2024 14:50

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You literally just private messaged me 40 minutes ago asking me what OP meant? 😂😂😂

That's a very... interesting story. OP fyi means original poster. How do you know what Feeld is but you don't know what OP is?

Unless you're a fit bloke no need to private message me for things you can just Google cheers

5128gap · 31/07/2024 14:47

Either a friend who you sleep with when you want sex and neither of you has a better option, or a person you'd be in a relationship with in other circumstances but there's a reason you don't want or can't have a relationship so you call it a 'friendship' so you both know not to get ideas.

singlelostmama · 31/07/2024 14:37

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GreyCarpet · 15/02/2024 11:47

CurlewKate · 15/02/2024 11:36

@TheCadoganArms "
It can't ever be a woman enjoying great sex without the emotional baggage?"

Of course it can. In my experience, though, it usually isn't.

Tbh, that's an individual issue with the women who do that then and not an argument against fwb specifically.

I know people (men and women) for whom fwbs wouldn't work because they fall in love or prefer sex with an emotional connection.

I have a partner now but I don't think I'd do it again if we split up because I couldn't be bothered but when I did, it worked really well.

CurlewKate · 15/02/2024 11:36

@TheCadoganArms "
It can't ever be a woman enjoying great sex without the emotional baggage?"

Of course it can. In my experience, though, it usually isn't.

TheCadoganArms · 15/02/2024 11:30

CurlewKate · 15/02/2024 05:10

What does FWB mean to me? A disaster waiting to happen. A man living his best life.

It can't ever be a woman enjoying great sex without the emotional baggage?

GreyCarpet · 15/02/2024 11:28

I do kiss FWB as part of sex. Not outside that.

Same

Original poster
Curiousto · 15/02/2024 11:21

GreyCarpet · 15/02/2024 10:06

Hugs are platonic - like the way you'd hug any friend.

I wouldn't have wanted to kiss or hold hands with a fwb. They were not my boyfriend...

Show quote history

Agreed.

I hug all my friends who enjoy hugs.

I greet/say goodbye to closer friends with a peck on the cheek.

I never hold FWB hand. I occasionally link my arm in his if we're walking somewhere busy, as I do with other friends. I don't want to lose them. I've seen FWB offer his arm to 2 other female friends in busy places.

I do kiss FWB as part of sex. Not outside that.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 15/02/2024 10:11

It's usually women wanting something more and hoping that if they're nice to the man and give him the Girlfriend Experience, he'll fall in love with them.

Not always. I've a newish one who would like me to be exclusive. I'm the one who is unsure about this. I'm fine with no new dates (there are only 24h in a day anyway,) but I'm not ready to give up the benefits of 2 other FWBs currently. In practice, logistics means I'm not likely to meet either of them soon, so practically it will happen, I suppose, but I'm not ready mentally to be that committed to one man.

GreyCarpet · 15/02/2024 10:07

Riverlee · 15/02/2024 10:06

FWB. Means a friend who you occasionally sleep with, with no strings attached.

Essentially and succinctly this

GreyCarpet · 15/02/2024 10:06

KimberleyClark · 15/02/2024 08:58

One thing I’m curious about, if you are FWB, do you hug/kiss/hold hands? Or is that a bit too intimate/romantic?

Hugs are platonic - like the way you'd hug any friend.

I wouldn't have wanted to kiss or hold hands with a fwb. They were not my boyfriend...

Riverlee · 15/02/2024 10:06

FWB. Means a friend who you occasionally sleep with, with no strings attached.

CommentNow · 15/02/2024 10:03

To me, it means that at least one person doesnt like the other enough to have a relationship.

sometimes one person wants more and hopes the arrangement will fall into a relationship.

Sometimes it's fine for both parties

Its not for me.

GreyCarpet · 15/02/2024 09:59

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 15/02/2024 09:57

OP you are in a non committed relationship in my eyes. FWB is purely sex. Call them fuck buddies if you want but that's what FWB is.

The F part of fwb means there is a friendship.

Fuck buddies are just that but fwbs are friends first and foremost.

GreyCarpet · 15/02/2024 09:57

However, in my experience, the women who have FWB, while enjoying the sex, are in many cases hoping it will develop into something more, while the men are quite happy with the status quo.

I haven't ever hoped a fwb would turn into something more. Nor harboured feelings for them. And I'd have been horrified if any of them had

The beauty of it is that there are no feelings beyond friendship involved.

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 15/02/2024 09:57

OP you are in a non committed relationship in my eyes. FWB is purely sex. Call them fuck buddies if you want but that's what FWB is.

GreyCarpet · 15/02/2024 09:54

user1471434829 · 15/02/2024 06:45

I have a FWB, we are genuinely friends and when we are both single we also sleep together. We both go on dates and openly chat about it to the other person. Neither of us want to be in a relationship with the other one, but its nice to do couply stuff with someone when you're single. We sometimes go out for meals cinema etc and sometimes he just comes over late or picks me up if I'm out as he doesn't drink.

When either of us are in a relationship we still chat a bit on message and might meet up for a daytime activity. But we don't see each other or speak as much. We've been like this on/off for 20 years and it works for us!

I think your FWB probably thinks your in a relationship... I think it's important to be honest and make sure you're not hurting people.

For me a fuck buddy is someone who you only see for sex and if sex is off the cards you wouldn't bother. So no meals out, chatty texts etc

I've had a few. I agree with a lot of the above post.

In all cases, they were genuine friendships. Men I'd been friends with for a few years who I did friend stuff with - cinema, meals, days out, gigs etc. But we also sometimes had sex.

Being exclusive was never discussed and there was no questioning about whether either of us considered it to be so on either side.

They weren't relationships because of this and neither of us wanted a relationship with the other. Neither of us could 'cheat' on the other because there was no expectation of exclusivity. There were no expectations beyond friendship. No wondering how the other person 'felt' because we already knew we were good friends and that was all.

Sometimes we'd message several times a day, sometimes every few days, sometimes a week or so would go by and we hadn't been in touch.

They looked like friendships, they felt like friendships and sometimes there was sex.

I read a lot on here about fwbs where feelings are involved on one side. That's not a fwb, that's one person using another for casual sex. Just hooking up for sex without friendship is a fuck buddy and not a fwb. Finding someone on a dating app who you meet up with for a drink followed by sex now and again is a casual sexual arrangement not a fwb.

For me, a fwb is someone with whom you have an existing, established friendship that progreses to sometimes include sex. But where there are no problems if one person says, "I have a date on Saturday," or "I've met someone," and where the other person is genuinely pleased, the sex stops but the friendship continues

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/02/2024 09:27

So he gets all the benefit of having a girl on his arm, someone to confide in and all the perks of a girl friend whilst still being able to shag who he wants whenever he wants....

Yeah that's not fwb.

Usually that's the odd text arranging a fuck.

THisbackwithavengeance · 15/02/2024 09:21

It means men having their cake and eating it.

It's usually women wanting something more and hoping that if they're nice to the man and give him the Girlfriend Experience, he'll fall in love with them.

Men are laughing at us. Don't do it. Not going to lie, I've had more than my fair share of casual sex back in the day but these men are not our "friends" ladies and should not be considered as such.

EBearhug · 15/02/2024 09:21

To me, a fuckbuddy is someone you meet only for sex, and contact is mostly about when to meet/sexting.

FWB - you can go out with, you know well enough to send links to articles you think they'll like. You know a bit about each other's lives. My FWBs know how my job hunting is going. My FB doesn't. My FWBs also know about other dates, and there's an understanding if one of those works out, it will be the end of WB but not F.

CurlewKate · 15/02/2024 09:04

@C1N1C No. I'm saying that most people, men and women, are looking for happy, fulfilled relationships. However, in my experience, the women who have FWB, while enjoying the sex, are in many cases hoping it will develop into something more, while the men are quite happy with the status quo.

KimberleyClark · 15/02/2024 08:58

One thing I’m curious about, if you are FWB, do you hug/kiss/hold hands? Or is that a bit too intimate/romantic?

C1N1C · 15/02/2024 08:57

CurlewKate · 15/02/2024 05:10

What does FWB mean to me? A disaster waiting to happen. A man living his best life.

Can't you enjoy the sex too?

With that comment, you're insinuating that if more women were open to FWB situations, men would have all they need... and only currently marry for sex?

If that's true, I wonder which applies more: Men 'endure' marriage because that's how they guarantee sex... or women have no more to offer to men than sex.

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