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AIBU?

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I'm not allowing my mother to take part in my pregnancy.

28 replies

Chaptertwobegins · 14/02/2024 18:32

I don't know if this is more of a WWYD

I'm pregnant with twins, my first pregnancy. my mum wanted to be a part of things, but I've decided to limit contact with her. because she seems to dislike the attention I'm getting, while also wanting me to make her feel special.

For example. She ignored my pregnancy scans that she's been asking for, because I sent it to our family Whatsapp group and not to her personally. She didn't comment for almost two days
When she did finally comment she ignored me and instead focused on my nieces saying she's excited for them as they'll have twins cousins, then tried to change the conversation to focus on them and away from my baby scans. she said nothing to me, just ignored me. And didn't say anything about the twins scan pictures. Or them being boy and girl twins. This triggered me as it reminded me of my childhood as she tended to behave like that when my siblings or other family members showed me positive attention. She would discourage it or try to take the attention away. Or get agitated.

She then sent me private messages saying she's happy for me but she feels upset about not being able to be part of her daughters pregnancy, she feels like she's being left out. So I should keep her posted with everything that's happening. She also wanted to know who I've told and when. I feel this is out of jealousy. She wants to make sure I haven't told others before her. She seemed annoyed when she heard my husband family were ecstatic and were celebrating all morning with us when we told them the news. She then asked if I had a spare room (we've just moved) for after I give birth so she can come and stay, because she says I'll be out of it, and it will be too much for my husband to care for babies by himself, So she wants to help. But I've decided I don't want her around.

I've stopped taking her phone calls, I only text with her, which she's angry about. and I've limited the baby news I share with her. I've also told her she can't stay with us after I give birth. This is because I really want to enjoy my pregnancy, and my newborns when they come, and I feel she'll ruin the experience out of spite. as in the past she has been nasty to me when I'm experiencing special occasions. like when I planned my wedding, she was awful, she showed no happiness for me and made me feel uncomfortable about showing excitement about it myself.
And I'm scared she'll try do the same with my babies.

I thought she had changed but her behaviour lately has given me doubts.
What do you think? do you think I'm going to far? Am I being over the top? I'm worried im letting past experiences affect me too much and I'm not being fair. What would you do?

OP posts:
HelloMiss · 14/02/2024 18:49

You sound very controlling

Sarah202023 · 14/02/2024 18:48

This must really difficult. And definitely something you don't need to be dealing with now! It sounds as though your relationship with your mother has been tricky for a long time and I would guess that this isn't going to suddenly improve anytime soon - especially with such big life changes, hormones, changing priorities ahead.

Boundaries are what you need and it sounds as though you have started this - whatever you are comfortable with is the right thing.
Perhaps you might like to consider some counselling sessions - just so you can get your thoughts and feelings in order. This might help you with those boundaries in the future.
Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy!

Phoeebee · 14/02/2024 18:43

As a WWYD, I'd definitely be sharing the news with my Mum before opening it up to extended family on a what's app group. And her replying about your nieces I don't think she's done anything wrong there. It sounds like you've shut her out and she is upset. But the staying over, yeah fuck that. That's only if YOU want, not what SHE wants.