AIBU bringing up awkward conversation with DP on long car journey?

Some of the best conversations I have with people is in the car.
This also applies to awkward conversations.

This is true. There's some fairly obvious psychology involved.

But awkward conversations require someone's consent. You cannot just corner someone and make them participate. I'd say something like, "I'd love to chat on the way up to Scotland about a few things that have been bothering me. Is that OK?" If he says "no" you don't. But, and it's a huge but, I'd then be rethinking the relationship. He's changed, he tried to cheat, and he has no interest in your feelings about it. Done.

@RockyRogue1001 I'm not the only poster who thinks raising this issue in the car is a bad idea.

I COMPLETELY disagree with this post.

Some of the best conversations I have with people is in the car.
This also applies to awkward conversations.

Apart from the quoted post, I agree with a lot of what PPs are saying.

However, @LovingZelda if you want to start a convo, use "I statements"

Eg, when you do/say x, I feel y

You can't disagree with an "I statement" (because you can not tell someone else how they feel), but you CAN discuss it

I agree with all the comments so far you either need to accept what happened and move past it or leave there is no point constantly brining it up you know he won’t talk about it so what’s the point in trying to force the issue with him. And bringing it up in the car is a terrible idea he could very easily put you out at the next service station you really don’t know how he would react and being stuck in a car with him is not the time to be bringing it all up. Your hitching your wagon to the wrong man do you really want to spend the rest of your life dealing with his bullshit or would you be better off walking away from the relationship and finding someone that will make you a lot happier than he does. Don’t stick all your eggs in his basket because it seems like he’s throwing them out as you’re putting them in.

I wouldn't be having that. Either he talks or I would leave. What sort of relationship is it if you can't discuss the important stuff? Ie how you feel and what makes you tick, what's important to you? You also need to be able to talk through difficult emotions to both "move on" and understand each other. Communication is key to any relationship. And he doesn't bloody get to say how and when you should have "moved on" by. Who made him in charge of how you feel? That's not his decision to make.

This is reminding me a bit of a couple on "Couple's therapy". He has had multiple affairs when away from home and I think he was saying that it was different if he was visiting another place. He was also saying that she should have "moved on" from her upset over this even though they hadn't really talked about it satisfactorily. I think he was quite dismissive from memory. He was also extremely resistant to opening up. I think what the therapist got to eventually was that he didn't want to talk and wanted her to "move on" because it made him feel bad to talk about it. And he didn't want to go there. Anyhow I'm not recalling all the detail but it might be worth you watching as it might give you some insight possibly. I found the show really interesting generally and, although I don't always agree with the therapist, it gave me some communication tips to take into my own relationship. I can't remember what series the above couple were in but you might find it interesting to watch.

He doesn’t care about your recovery I’m afraid. And his closed demeanour strongly suggests that he is still ambivalent on some level. He is hiding his feelings because there is something to hide.

i wouldn’t blame you for trying to drag a conversation out of him but don’t expect anything other than an argument - is that safe while driving?

He betrayed you and is not making proper amends at all. Just a moment of explanation and some self piteous crying and he was done and dusted - while you are raw and your head is still spinning and you need much much more from him to rebuild trust. Sounds like you won’t get it.

Sorry OP - you deserve happiness and respect. LTB.

Honestly, I think you should use the long drive to think about what you really, really want. He's told you what he's prepared to give, decide if it's enough for you. Don't try and make him talk about his feelings, he's already let you know that's not a thing so it'd be a mistake.

Are you driving or sharing the drive?

I think it's bonkers and unfair to raise that in the car. You'd be out of the car at the next available spot if I was driving!

it all sounds awful anyway. Like he stays because cba to leave or something.

I mean, you could force a conversation but I think he's already telling you more by his actions...

He knows you want more, yet, he's offering nothing.
He couldn't cope with a girls weekend which triggered depression (so no more girls weekends away for you?)
He then attempted to cheat.
He couldn't cope with counselling, but subsequently invalidates your feelings.

I'm sorry, but he sounds utterly exhausting. No wonder you're miserable.

Do you want kids?

In a way he’s right… accept it or leave.

Can you really build a future with someone who shuts down when you try to talk about your feelings? Or someone who’s unfaithful when you’re going through depression?

You can’t build anything with someone who can’t take accountability. End of.

You’ll end up resenting him, which I think you’re already starting to do.