Sad my grandchildren will go to boarding school

They want to do their best for their children, with some consistency and also a fantastic education. Good for them!

Then why don't you put it into the mix - if they don't or aren't aware that is is something you'd like to do, how wold they know?

I was a day girl at a boarding school and many of my friends wanted and asked to board. Some where allowed what we considered to be the privilege of boarding.

Boarding school is a fantastic opportunity!
The only problem with the European ones is that they don't offer bursaries like British ones so the pupils don't come from a range of backgrounds, every child is from a very privileged home.
Our children love it but you have to put effort into finding the right school.

Sounds to me like they are trying to do the best for their children, to give them stability of a high quality education while balancing their careers. Prestigious international school vs even the best of outstanding state secondaries in the UK. I know which I would choose.

Whilst there is at least one individual on here praising moving every couple of years, on average educational outcomes for military children are well below average, precisely because of those moves. This family may not be military but the relocating has the same effect.

I went to boarding school by choice. I had a place at a local day school and asked my parents to 'send me away'. I was a small, shy, introverted geek of a child. Yes, some boarding schools are for the sporty outgoing types. But, there is a range of different ones for different needs. I went to a small highly academic one, which suited me down to the ground.

I loved boarding. As did everyone I was at school with.

There’s always such a negative focus on it. Largely by people who haven’t done it.

I understand boarding school when parents are moving around a lot, eg military, or for specialist schools particularly for disabilities or SEN.
friends of DH sends their DC to boarding school when one parent is semi retired and the other is a SAHP, (and live in an area with good state and private schools) which is personally something I don't really understand

Ive got quite a few friends who boarded (most from 11 or 13, one from 8) and a mother who boarded from 11.

No fucking way. My mum has boarding school syndrome despite being at school quite near home so going for exeats etc, she would also describe it as a positive experience. However when I asked at about age 10 if we'd be going, she just looked at me and just said "No you will not. I will never send any of you away, I want you here with me." Speaks volumes.

My friends who boarded (all in late nineties/early noughties) would also speak positively of the experience, the friendships etc but they are all slightly fucked up individuals with poor parental relationships. The one who went at 8 was really institutionalised about how he structured his day etc and his emotions were buried so deep I'm not sure he'll ever find those. Every single one was exposed to porn very young at school, they all engaged in drug taking and the ones at mixed boarding also all had underaged sex. I knew military kids who boarded and ones who stayed with their families but moved regularly, the latter are more healthy adults.

You'll get people on here saying its all changed and its less damaging now but honestly, yanbu. I think there's a minority of young people it suits for 15-18, on a weekly boarder type basis, for anything else? No way.

Yes absolutely. I was just making the point to the pp about 'not having to worry about it so far ahead'.

They do, but you don’t have to take up the place if you change your mind. My kids have been down for a couple of schools each since birth - they obviously won’t be attending all of them you just have to get them on the list to increase the chances of them getting a place.

I think it really depends on what the kids are like. My DH boarded occasionally from about 10 and then full time from 13 and he absolutely loved it. He talks so fondly about it it’s clear he had an amazing time and he’s obviously much better educated than most people. His cousin on the other hand loathed it, spent the whole time wanting to come home.

I don’t want my kids to be away from me so they won’t be boarding (DH wanted them to when they were theoretical children but has come round since they actually arrived). However, it can be great for some kids - 8 does seem very young for it though.

A Swiss international boarding school would bother me because of the extreme wealth it is likely to attract. I mean you’re likely talking a good smattering of billionaires and offspring of potentates. Not necessarily the most healthy environment if you come from a relatively normal background. Personally if boarding is the only option (and I’m not a fan) a British school could be a better option.

At a prestigious school, parents put their children's name forward for placement at birth.

As the children are 2 and not born I’d try not to worry about something so far ahead - the parents may easily change their minds by the time comes.

Everybody I know who boarded had a wonderful time. I think I would have loved it too. It sounds like a very good choice for them considering their lifestyle.

7?!

I wish I could give you a hug right now.

There’s something about this that makes me uncomfortable.
YANBU to have feelings about this plan or to think it’s not a choice you would make for your children.
However, YABU to think you have a say about this or to try and change their mind or sway their decision in any way.

These are not your children. The decisions about education belongs solely to the parents. I’d struggle to believe that any fellow poster would be ok with a MIL trying to be part of the decision making process of choosing the school for what suits their family/child/cultural needs.

Yes, some people may not have enjoyed boarding school. Some people loved their time there. If it doesn’t work out, then I’m sure your DS/DIL will reevaluate and problem solve. Having said that, this is a hypothetical plan for long in the future and is really none of your business.

Children thrive with stability and routine and a boarding school will offer this when the parents can't.

This sums it up but reads a lot like foster care for rich people. Just because you can pay for boarding school doesn't mean it's a good thing to do so. There are many excellent day schools but God forbid rich people interrupt their careers or lifestyle. OP is NBU to feel sad.

You are absolutely entitled to your opinion.

They are also entitled to raise their children as they see fit.

I know many forces children who said they preferred boarding to moving constantly. I know one person who boarded in U.K. as her parents lived and worked abroad and it does seem to have had an affect on her but it could just be personality!

I guess if the idea really doesn't sit right with you you can offer to have them live with you and attend an independent day school but other than that you have to accept their parents will do as they see fit.

Yanbu. See if you can talk with son and see how he really feels about it . Separation from parents so young isn't a good move psychologically..

I think this is the most naïve thing I will read today.

I knew quite a lot of people at university who had boarded and at that point they were mostly very positive about it. They're notably fucked up adults though, and none of the ones who have children (a large proportion don't seem to be able to form long-term relationships) have chosen to send their own children to boarding school.

I think you are just going to have to take a deep breath and try not to express your reservations about this. Your child will do the best for their own children and it’s not your business. People have very strong feelings about boarding and I don’t think it would be wise to express them unless it’s about your own children. Of course YANBU to feel sad but you would be unreasonable if you say anything. You may well be wrong, it might be the better outcome for your grandchild.

Swiss boarding school vs UK secondary? Really?

The chance to travel, live with other from different nationalities and in a bilingual setting, to do something their mother did and loved. Not everyone wants to be tied to one house in one street their whole life. You do you, they can do them.