Sad my grandchildren will go to boarding school

It's just another way of mum shaming (let's face it, the dad get off free), dressed up as 'will no one think of the children'.

My kids both actively want to board, but aren't going to get the opportunity because we can't justify the fees although they are at private schools with boarding as an option. I suspect most of the people who object to boarding schools could never afford it either, but rather than admit it was never an option for them, they pour scorn on those who can afford it.

I find this unnuanced argument is trotted out for so many things:

“Why bother even having kids if you’re going to…”

:send them to boarding school.
:work full time.

:not breastfeed.
:go out once in a blue moon with your friends…

YANBU, it's so sad. What's the point in having kids to send them to boarding school. but it's not your place to say anything, just accept it and spend time with them when you can.

But you weren’t talking about the parent, you were actually denying a poster’s own positive experience of boarding school…?

YANBU. What's the point in having children, if you're going to send them away? And who is there to protect them from predators, bullies and all the other types of abuse that are rife in boarding schools?

Some people just don't love their children. They will tell themselves all sorts of things, like "stability" and "opportunities" while children really need their family first and foremost.

My brother thrived in boarding school, rather than constantly changing schools due to a Forces life. he could maintain friendships rather than leaving them and trying to make new ones, he got to know the teachers, and actually worked very well within the strict boundaries.

As I said, I don’t care one bit what you think. Sending a 7 year old to board is wrong. I’m entitled to my opinion just as you are.

Maybe hide the thread if you’re that upset by a strangers words on the internet?

Of course you are arrogant!

Your simpering "l want to give you a hug" when the poster has said how much she enjoyed Boarding!

Your arrogance in believing that your opinion of the posters own experience is more valid than her actual experience!

Your arrogant and pompous presumption in writing that you'd like to give her a hug! WTF!

Cop on to yourself.

There’s no point in me saying anything. Posters who send their children away will always try to justify it as anything other than selfish and cold. Just my opinion. I don’t care if you disagree with me.

The very point of this thread is that someone finds the idea of this awful, it’s not a unique perspective.

Even though the person who wrote it says they loved it? That is why it was arrogant. You assume you know better about that person's personal circumstances.

Rather than your own weird version of that poster’s own experience, why not try picturing what they said happened? A happy seven year old…?

Not sure you know what arrogance means.

I think it’s incredibly sad to picture a 7 year old without daily love and support from their parents. Cruel even.

The arrogance of you!!!!!!! 🙄

I understand why you feel sad about this, but to put it into perspective... it's not about you. My judgemental SIL said to me just before my son went off to boarding school (where he thrived, btw) "I could never do that." As I said to her at the time, "It's not about me, or you." Can you distance yourself from your own emotions and see this situation through the eyes of your grandchildren?

Recently met my cousins new partner and within hours he was telling me how he hated boarding school so much that he never spoke to his parents again.

YANBU, I'd feel the same OP.

So they'll get the best education money can buy, make friends with the future movers and shakers of the world and gain influence in and access to certain circles and jobs that would be denied to plebs and commoners. They'll have access to sport, riding, music, drama and other excellent facilities and no doubt travel the world during the holidays on their parents' travel package.

Nope. I am absolutely not sorry for these DCs. Nice try.

I don't understand the level of negative reaction to boarding school on here.

I grew up in a bonkers place where many people where quite transient and only stayed a year or two. Most of the teenagers went to boarding school (they all seemed to love it), but my parents wanted to keep us together as a family. The end result was that education was effectively trashed (10 different schools between 4 and 18) so I struggled with my final exams before university because I was inadequately prepared and my choices were narrowed substantially. (I'm not daft and still got results most people would be proud of, but not the grades I should have been capable of)

I also never got the teen experience of having really close friendships because people kept moving.

I look back and really wish I'd pushed harder to go away to school, got a sensible education that actually gave me the choices I wanted and had the opportunity to have more stable friendships.

If your DS and DIL want to stick with their high flying nomadic lifestyle, boarding school may well be a great option for their kids so they have that stability. You're not unreasonable to sad but would be unreasonable to tell them that you are!!

@MiMaMe i really think it depends on school and child etc. I loved boarding, my dad did not.

What matters is your grandchildren’s parents have made a decision they think is best for their children. So let it be and don’t obsess over it, they are v lucky in many respects to have the opportunity to be at a good school.

https://www.uos.ac.uk/about/news/new-research-challenges-the-concept-of-boarding-school-syndrome/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20the%20new%20research,term%20psychological%20impact%20on%20them.

New research to debunk boarding school syndrome.

Elite boarding schools tend to offer incredible opportunities. I don’t think you should feel “sad”. Being trilingual is amazing too. You should feel happy for your grandchildren.

We have some very rich and some normal people in our wider family. It is important not to judge the very rich either. I do understand that it can be difficult, but they move differently. Not to say that they are not the same, but being multilingual etc, skiing on the weekends, jetsetting, having a nanny etc all perfectly normal for that crowd. Just be a normal granny to your grandchildren and do what you would normally do. Children value the simple things, a carefully selected presents, one on one games/attention with granny etc, baking. That is what they will remember.

I know a Swiss heiress to a multi millionaire (possibly billionaire) whose education was like this, though she was sent to an American boarding school.

Her relationship with her parents is really odd. She now lives in another country and has done for now then a decade. They haven't visited her once.
They're so detached and emotionless. It's really odd.

So yes OP, I'd be sad. But maybe they'd do as my friend's parents did, want her to be fluent in English in addition to her home languages, and send her to a UK school, where you could at least give her some semblance of family

Whilst I personally wouldn't send DC to boarding school, even if it was within budget, I can see why they would consider it.
YANBU to be disappointed and sad
They ANBU for doing what they think will be most beneficial for their children.

I liked boarding school. Weekly boarded, it was the norm where I grew up as distances were large.
It was an orderly and disciplined place which allowed me to thrive academically.

I think it depends on the personalities of the children to be honest. One of my closest friends went to boarding school and he’s a fairly quirky introvert - he got bullied like hell and had no respite at the end of the day. Boarding school was just years of ridicule and loneliness for him. A more outgoing social child could thrive though! It’s very individual.