Sad my grandchildren will go to boarding school

Some rude and inappropriate comments on here, OP, from people who haven’t understood your original post. Stupid comments like ‘Are you offering to home educate them?’ or ‘ Keep out of it.’ Numbskulls.

Your title says that you feel sad. Best wishes 🌺

Boarding is great for the right child. It’s stable schooling and friends for life. Moving school
every 2 years isn’t great. I’d look at boarding in these circumstances and, as you don’t live in the same country and aren’t being grandparents very often, it’s not your decision. You will see dc I the holidays. Just like now!

@MiMaMe Have you been near a boarding school recently? Cold? You know absolutely nothing of modern boarding. My DD had a great time. I would not do it if dc was clingy. You need to get up to date with what boarding looks like, not what you imagine it to be. Let your DS and his wife decide and you keep visiting in the holidays.

@herewegoagainy after all yesterday you were saying it was an institutional upbringing…

@herewegoagainy so you bitch about it in most posts but admit you would offer it from 14 or 15 if you could afford it. I could comment on the hypocrisy there. But I won’t.

That is the stuff that guilty boarding school survivors into thinking they have no right to complain. Or even to acknowledge that they were emotionally starved and were deeply affected by it. Most children have the security of a family. We arrange ourselves into family formations because it is the beneficial for children. Some families are not ideal of course, but any kind of boarding for pre teens is off the charts unhealthy.

All those saying boarding schools have changed, you do know none of us are objecting because if the food or accommodation, but because of the separation from family and being raised in an institution.

No. It is awful. I do a lot of working with boarding school survivors and would never, ever think about allowing it for a child of any age.

That said, it is much more damaging boarding at junior level.

I do not think you can do much. Other than offer your home and great school options near you as the point of stability.

I cannot understand this concept at all. It makes NO sense to me in terms of what would be best for a child. In fact I’m going to re-write it in another me way that does make sense to me…

“In their circumstances staying with their parents sounds like the most stable option for the kids- moving to new schools and countries every 2 years would be really hard- being consistently with their attachment figures (parents/siblings/own family) does sound like a much better option.”

Weekly boarding at a UK or international boarding school within an hour or so of where you are, and staying with you at weekends seems like a good solution?

FWIW I work in a boarding school, and it's lovely. A million miles from the 60s-80s experience that many people might be thinking of. For one thing, students all have phones and can facetime family every night if they want to. 11 years old can be too young for some kids, but most of them love it from 13+

@IgglePiggledidawiggle if we could afford it I could see offering it from aged 14 or 15 if they wanted it, but not before. Young children may want to go thinking it will be like harry potter, but young children do not always know what is best for them.

@herewegoagainy if you look at my previous posts I am genuinely interested in what the kids of posters would say in the context that if you laid out the opportunities for that type of education with your teenage kids, explaining it as even handedly as you can and see their reaction? So not us, the parents, who make assumptions….Or would you just not, just in case they saw it as an opportunity to get some real independence, whilst knowing that they had you at home forever and always but that you were just helping them live their life and find their feet?

@Dottymug something tells me there is a bit of a mocking tone there but I would be interested to know what their reason for saying no would be cos after all, isn’t the whole thing about this what works for the kids?

I know quite a lot of people who went to boarding school, they either didn't like it or absolutely hated it. I have also seen how it affected their relationship with their parents and siblings.
I'm sure some children enjoy it but it seems sad to send your child away for big chunks of time.
So YANBU to feel sad but unfortunately there isn't anything you can do. Even if you are willing to have your grandchild live with you it sounds like they have already decided on boarding school.

I agree. It just makes me think people don't like their own children. Why would an 8 year old be away from their parents all week?! Awful. Poor kids.

In their circumstances boarding sounds like the most stable option for the kids- moving to new schools and countries every 2 years would be really hard- being consistently in the same school with the same friends does sound like a much better option.

I don’t actually see a problem with boarding. My son was a day boy but his friends who boarded loved it.

I am not at all jealous of those who send their children to boarding school. I wanted to raise my own children.

@IgglePiggledidawiggle they said- mum don't be ridiculous. You know you couldn't afford to send us to boarding school and are deeply jealous of those who can.

@Begsthequestion @Dottymug really interested to know what your kids said when you rationally explained both the positives and negatives of this type of education tonight?

I loved boarding and was so happy at school. I am sure that they will be fine OP.

I went to boarding school and made lifelong friends as did my dh who went to a day school. I haven’t seen any meaningful difference in this regard between friends who boarded and those who didn’t.

In my case I actually lost contact with really close local friends from primary school as I was sent away for secondary, unlike my dh who is still in close contact with a bunch of friends he was at kindergarten with.

I didn't see your comment before I posted, basically saying the exact same thing.

I went to a co-ed school too.

I don't recognise what other posters are saying their schooling affecting relationships, careers, family issues etc going forward. My bunch are all pretty stable pleasant folk. Most are married with families, a couple of us divorced, majority are pretty successful in life. I think you do learn to be more resilient, and I don't see that as a bad thing in life.

I see you are both saying there was a deep connection there - but the phrase "lifelong friends" - I have lifelong friends from my non-boarding school (including my best friend), dh does too - you don't have to go to boarding school for that.

You won't understand that connection unless you experience it I think.

There was always some that I was closer to than others. And you end up living with those people. You eat with them, sleep in the same room with them, do school work and then prep together, sports, weekend trips. You become more like siblings than school mates.

Of course it isn't like that for every single person in the school, but it was definitely the case for me and also for my actual siblings at the same school.

I just travelled over 1000km to attend one of their weddings. I've been out of school for 35 years. Many of us were there. It was like a mini reunion.

I'm not in contact with anybody from my childhood or from University or from the several countries I've worked in but I still see friends from school. In fact I'm going to Berlin to see a close school friend in a few weeks.

Boarding school you live together. You have breakfast, lunch and dinner, everyday. You share a room until six form. You learn to rely on each other, stand up for each other. You are together for most of the year for six years. I don't have a shared experience like that elsewhere. Colleagues and neighbours maybe. But that's not the same. Well, not for me anyway. And I went to a Co-Ed school, so it wasn't just girls.

People always say they made "lifelong friends" at boarding school, as if this is something out of the ordinary.