Finding parenting 13 yr old DS is insanely hard work and full of conflict.

Hideous. Been there. Try:
Love bombing
Set tiny tasks like please buy milk/hoover stairs. Reward with gratitude. Make him feel useful
Decide what you won't sweat and ignore it. Focus on minimal number of issues eg basic respect.
Good luck!

Sounds like my life op. But mine isn't even quite 13 yet. I'm at a loss!! I don't know what to do anymore either. I feel awful guilt for all the arguing when he's in bed or out but then face to face something will 'trigger another problem.

This sounds like my son and he is 10 😩 it’s horrible upsetting and draining . Each day try and start a fresh but it goes rapidly down hill . Let’s hope it gets better

These all sound like my DS. We can laugh about it now he’s older. All normal stuff!

I always told myself I don’t want him to have memories of me losing my shit over a dirty fork or trivial things like that. Make sure you pick your battles. This is my advice for everything but get yourself to a place where you’re rolling your eyes and laughing about “these awkward years” rather than thinking everything’s going wrong and getting upset. And when you do get upset have a cry in DP’s arms to let it out, remind yourselves this IS NORMAL AND WILL PASS, take a deep breath and go back to Mum mode.

It will pass.. one of my Grandsons was the same.. but he's home educated.. he's now 15 and the most kindest caring helpful young lad.
Makes his Mum cups of tea.. helps clean up..they go out to museums/ cat cafe/ library/ swimming.. they are so close.. his screen time comes after he's done his home Ed.

Talking in the car is often a good plan as you’re not having to look at each other. Explain that neither of you are happy and ask his opinion on what could make things better.

Agree on some simple ground rules, get him on board and don’t sweat the rest

So it could be something like shower every day and hang up your towel
All laundry to go in the laundry basket
Some sport / exercise every day
No screen time until homework is done.

We’ve agreed that if things like the above and music practice are done, we don’t worry too much about screen time, particularly during school holidays.

ours are a bit older now and it sorts itself out with going to the gym, more homework / revision, sports taking longer etc.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/teenagers/4910229-just-a-friendly-hand-hold-for-any-other-mums-of-teens-part-2?page=21&reply=132991903

Come and join us op.

I'm giving you reasonable boundaries because I love you. And repeat.

And maybe ask him what he wants to do. A weekend away, just the two of you. Be honest with him that him comments have hurt you and you want to have a open engaged relationship with him and you're learning how to parent a teen too. And that it's something you are having to learn to navigate together.

Remember Harry Enfield's
"Kevin the teenager"? Amusing because it's so well observed and true to life, sadly.
It's the way a teenage brain is wired 🫤

Thinking of copying and pasting this to send to my 14 year old. Are you his secret mum? 😂

This too will pass - honestly!

A little suggestion - in the midst of this awful phase, make sure you tell him you love him at least once a day - he will shrug his shoulders at it, but it will sink in.

The important thing is not to be influenced by his judgement of you as the worst parents in the world - don't even begin to believe it!

That teenager boys for you

Could have written this exactly, although mine is a bit older. You are not alone!

First, please don't hate yourself or feel like a failure. The teenage years can be so challenging, and if your child is wilful, it's even more of a challenge. Mine is the same in that he sees things as a battle of wills, so cooperating with me is seen as a defeat. Which of course is not the healthy way to look at it!

If you can ever get him talking, it helps to hear how he is interpreting things. Am looking into therapy, both for the sake of family life today, but also for the sake of his having a healthier mindset as an adult. Sorry I don't have more wisdom, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.