Sick of pretending to wear heels

My friend got married in her DMs. Nobody was appalled or offended.

I don't care why they were created or what their intended purpose was.

That doesn't mean that women who wear heels are wearing them to titillate men, and it's offensive and misogynistic to portray any woman who does x, y or z as someone without a thought in her head who just goes along with this kind of stuff to titillate men, like a woman couldn't possibly have any preferences of her own and if she likes anything that men might like then she's just doing it because she's been conditioned to or wants to be attractive to men 🙄

Womens voices on why they like to do things are ignored and then they are told "don't be silly, you're just doing it for the men" 🙄So yep no respect for women who are so dismissive of womens choices and preferences like that.

DP wore DMs to his nieces wedding. He only owns DMs and flip flops and he didn't think flip flops would be appropriate. He did make a concession by wearing his DM Chelsea boots though.
https://www.drmartens.com/uk/en_gb/2976-stitch-smooth-leather-chelsea-boots-black/p/22227001

Repeat of previous post - thought it hadn’t posted

I wouldn’t wear all those outfits to a wedding, the first two are far too dressed down but were an example of how ‘scruffy’ my style is because I wear Docs. But I guess if my outfits say look at me to you then that’s ok, you’re welcome to your opinion there would be no issue from me. I’m 42 I can deal with people not loving what I wear. It was an example for wearing Docs with different outfits as most people see them as something you would with jeans & not a dress

I think its fine OP, I haven’t worn heels for perhaps 20 years. I'm just here for the links to acceptable flat shoes that aren't... shudder...ballet flats. Hopefully comfortable? Life is too short to have uncomfortable feet.

DMs are neither cheap nor plastic.

Ballet flats, Mary Jane’s, loafers - fucking awful things. how anyone can say they’re nicer than DMs blows my mind.

Likewise a lot of the photos I see on here of block heels (like my Nan would have worn to a wedding) or pointy toes (which would cripple me).

Surely if you’re getting married, you’re doing it because you want to marry your husband, and you invited your friend or family it’s because you like them for who they are, not because you want everyone to look like clones of eachother and feel uncomfortable, physically and emotionally all day.

OP I recently bought these which were nice and flat
https://www.johnlewis.com/sam-edelman-felicia-fabric-ballet-flats/p6304691?s_share=jlappdroid

But they still hurt my feet after a while. As I said before, I wear trainers due to a foot condition. I used to have to explain this to people at work as I'd get a look (even though they were v plain and clean trainers). Now literally no one bats an eyelid and I've been on stage to present Awards and speak in public. All with dresses and trainers.
Ignore the haters and the people overly.invested in weddings. All eyes on the bride not the guests IMHO

I disagree. I think it’s healthy and progressive that these archaic and outdated formalwear standards are disappearing.

Post some pics of some?

Go for the DMs! I once saw a bride in DMs, it looked great, not a punky vibe at all, ready suited her outfit. I think you’ll look (and feel great). My pet hate at weddings is when female guests change from silly high heels into flip flops. It’s so undignified… (As is tottering about in the too-high heels).

I have a couple of nice pairs of kitten heels. Wore kitten heels to my own wedding. I used to wear high heels when I worked in an office, and my feet are ruined now. Still have a few nice pairs (well-made, leather) but I think the charity shop is the only option… Can’t see myself ever wearing them again!

You are absolutely stunning but would look very out of place which can translate as "look at me" at the majority of weddings I've attended!

This

What's the dress code for the wedding?

Thanks lovely, I’m happy to be a ‘scruff’ if what I dress like means I’m ‘scruff’. I’m 42 so I can manage someone not liking how I dress, I’m a big girl now

I expect it is what’s acceptable in your social circles. Certainly would look extremely out of place at any wedding I’ve been to. Weddings are formal events and you’re expected to dress appropriately. It’s good manners and respectful to dress appropriately for the occasion. It’s sad that these standards are disappearing.

You’re a gorgeous scruff.

Free the Docs!

Red dress & yellow dress both worn to weddings, both in very posh hotels. Plus the grey vintage satin dress posted earlier in comments was also worn to a wedding. So yes, all wedding attire & if that makes me a scruff in your eyes then I’m happy to look like a scruff

Certainly not wedding attire is it?

What about Dr Martens sandals OP? Just found this pic on camera role that I think all the Doc haters must find appropriate? This was in a very posh Manchester City Centre hotel, tattoos, leather harness & chains (clutch your pearls ladies)

Oh well then I guess I’m a scruff…

You do realise, that in 2024 weddings are a lot less traditional then say in the 50’s/60’s yes?

Over the last few years I’ve been to a:
Teepee/Tent wedding on a farm - the bride and groom wore wellies.
beach weddings - bride and groom barefoot, guests also barefoot/sandals/flip flops.
registry office wedding - some guests in trainers.

Unless there is a strict dress code set by the bride and groom that is stated on the official invitation then guests should be able to wear footwear that feels most comfortable for them.

I’m still struggling to see how wearing Doc Martens makes someone look like a scruff.

@EarthyMangold

I can't imagine that, on the day, the bride will care what you wore in your feet, especially if she's a good friend. The fact is you turned up to her wedding with clean polished footwear and a nice dress and behaved with good manners on the day. Actually what you're planning on wearing is far better than some of the "don't care" horrors I e seen some people wear at weddings. 🌹

But that is why they were created. That was their sole intended purpose.

Where I work, we have a dress code - smart, no jeans, no trainers...DMs are allowed. They're certainly not "scruffy".