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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of pretending to wear heels

415 replies

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 08:16

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

OP posts:
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17
IloveAslan · 13/02/2024 21:42

I'm 64 and the only time I've ever worn heels was for my wedding, and they were fairly low heels. I've certainly never worn heels to anyone else's wedding - but I wouldn't wear DMs either. However, if that's your personal style and you are happy wearing them, then go for it. I wear what I like and feel comfortable in and don't understand people wearing things they don't like just to fit in.

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 13/02/2024 21:36

Goodness me, nearly 400 posts...

OP: AIBU to not wear heels?
Everyone: of course not
OP: actually I'm really asking if I can wear Doc Martens
Everyone: Yes you can! OR No you can't!
OP: actually I won't be wearing Doc Martens

What a waste of time Grin

Serrina · 13/02/2024 21:28

When I was a kid in the 80s, I used to see my mum, her friends and all my friends mums, wearing stilettos and I couldn't wait till I was old enough to wear them. As a teenager in the 90s, they'd fallen out of fashion, so I settled for the clunky high heels that were all the rage then. Then came the early 2000s when I hit my 20s and stilettos were back. I lived and breathed in them. And my feet are paying dearly for it now 😫

whyhere · 13/02/2024 21:03

It's my daughter's wedding soon and she wants me to wear DMs!

SapphireSeptember · 13/02/2024 20:50

@ThisMama1 I love your style! 😍

@EarthyMangold Yay! Glad the bride in onside, not that it matters. 😊

My friend is getting married at the end of July, in a posh hotel in the countryside, my baby is due a couple of weeks before that. I am wearing anything that's comfortable. I want a silk wrap dress I found on Etsy, but it's expensive! And I have no idea what to wear on my feet. I've been wearing converse style shoes all winter, as I find them very comfy.

MarvellousMonsters · 13/02/2024 20:36

I wore linen trousers and converse to the last wedding I went to. All these 'DMs are not appropriate for a wedding' replies are bullshit. Wear whatever you are comfortable in (ok, maybe not PJs, but you know...) and stop worrying about ridiculous social norms.

pollymere · 13/02/2024 20:30

Wear flat velvet Mary Janes a la 1995 then change into the boots in the evening. My bridesmaids did this and looked great (it was the 90s).

threatmatrix · 13/02/2024 20:26

I love boots with dresses. But if you really feel the need for a heel look up ballroom dancing shoes. Very comfortable and quite stylish.

Justaflippertyjibbet · 13/02/2024 20:18

At the last wedding I went to the bride wore bright blue docs and they were not covered by her dress of many colours.

Harls1969 · 13/02/2024 20:18

Of course you can wear DMs to a wedding, personally I think they look better than ballet pumps with a dress

ShergarAgain · 13/02/2024 20:13

I also cannot walk in heels and never wear them. I usually wear sparkly FitFlop sandals when dressed up and not too formal an affair, but for a wedding I’d pull out smart flat shoes/sandals rather than DMs. You sound much cooler than I am and will likely pull it off with aplomb!

FrontalHeadache · 13/02/2024 20:11

It would be very wasteful to buy a new pair of shoes just to attend this wedding, however cheap. It should not be encouraged.

HausofHolbein · 13/02/2024 20:06

This isn't really a heels vs. flats debate.

Some DMs could be easily appropriate for a wedding - e..g, there was a pair of their brogues linked earlier.

The boots the OP intends to wear are not DMs nor vaguely as stylish.

So it's really a particular pair of boots vs. other flats debate.

sabbii · 13/02/2024 19:58

My partner hates high heels and just wears fancy flats or marginal heels

Sillyname63 · 13/02/2024 19:50

I couldn't tell you what was worn by others at either my wedding or my daughters. If your friend knows you she knows your style, and if this it normally she will probably accept it. If you have them I would go for funky colour like luminous pink or silver though. My own daughter wore Silver converse in the reception .

PeachyPeachTrees · 13/02/2024 19:47

I love DMs or biker boots with a dress but probably wouldn't wear at a wedding. I usually wear I low heeled court shoe at a wedding. I can't walk in heels and never have.

Withaddedlint · 13/02/2024 19:46

The only heels I can wear are Clark’s or some sort of low block or a wedge

Fanofbrianbilston · 13/02/2024 19:43

So when it’s about weddings women should be traditional and feminine but - on any other topic - they should dress without considering the patriarchy and can wear masculine footwear because clothes aren’t about signalling gender/sex 😆 classic mumsnet. Pink DM’s sound lovely and ideal for February.

sexyandsmart · 13/02/2024 19:42

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 09:21

Thanks everyone! You are right, I should have titled this differently - it is totally about whether the boots are appropriate. I know there are other flat shoes out there, but I just don't like them, and for me, if I am not wearing heels, boots are the only other footwear that looks right with a dress. Ah well, maybe I am weird!

I can't show you the dress because I don't have time to get another one.😂

I will get my hair and make up done professionally, plus it's a 5 hour flight for me to attend at all, so I am pretty sure my friend will be satisfied that I "made an effort." And as others have pointed out - it's her that everyone has come to admire, not me.

I am going to go with the boots - it's February, and I am travelling with hand luggage only so it'll be good not to have to pack a second pair of shoes.

DMs are such a specific look. There are so many other non delicate black boots that look more refined or just not so hard core. Might you consider different boots.

InSpainTheRain · 13/02/2024 19:23

I'm 59, haven't worn heels since my teens, don't even own 1 pair..YANBU.

FreddieMercurysCat · 13/02/2024 19:22

40s here. I don’t do heels either. I did for my SILs wedding for about an hour but as soon as I could I slipped into our venue accommodation and changed. God the relief! Even on my wedding day I wore comfy winter boots under my dress 🤣

ThePerfectDog · 13/02/2024 19:12

ttcat37 · 13/02/2024 16:47

There will always be people who feel comfortable being underdressed but thankfully most people appreciate that dress codes are important

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I think dress codes are incredibly old fashioned now. I think most people realise that.

GainsvilleRockCity · 13/02/2024 19:08

I don't, won't and never will be a "heel" wearer!! I own 1 pair, which are my wedding shoes, I managed my ceremony/photos before I politely bobbed my flats on.

I wore fancy floral trainers to the last wedding I went to and anything else "formal" I put on a pair of Mary Jane's or boots on.

ThePerfectDog · 13/02/2024 19:06

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 17:21

You've not seen the actual boots have you? She's specially bought cheap plastic combat boots. More suited to a 14 year old going through their "edgy" phase than a grown woman at a formal event. Proper DMs would be a significant upgrade.

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I quite like them, much more so than some of the others I’ve see on here.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 13/02/2024 19:01

There will always be people who feel comfortable being underdressed but thankfully most people appreciate that dress codes are important.

I think most people would agree that dress codes are becoming less and less important. Besides, if you want to impose a dress code, say at a wedding, surely it's wise to state what the dress code actually is. Did the OP mention a dress code for the wedding she's going to? I might have missed it.