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Original poster

Sick of pretending to wear heels

415 replies

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 08:16

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

OP posts:
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17
WandaWonder · 13/02/2024 09:36

Nevermind31 · 13/02/2024 09:27

Heels are not required. DMs are not appropriate for a wedding (you might get away with it if you are 13…).

I can't say I remember what shoes people wore at my wedding

Wimpeyspread · 13/02/2024 09:31

Nevermind31 · 13/02/2024 09:27

Heels are not required. DMs are not appropriate for a wedding (you might get away with it if you are 13…).

The only appropriate dress for a wedding is to look like you have made an effort and are comfortable enough to enjoy the occasion (and not to outshine the bride). No reason not to wear DMs

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 09:30

@Nevermind31 I am about 17 mentally so should be old enough to know better really....

OP posts:
FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 13/02/2024 09:30

I dont wear heels, I just will not tolerate uncomfortable shoes they make me grumpy and resentful.

Wear whatever flats suit the dress and be comfortable.

WestendGrrls · 13/02/2024 09:30

I don't think anyone is busy policing shoes at a wedding, as long as they are clean and tidy just go for it.

To be fair you would stick out more if you were hobbling around in uncomfortable heels and plenty people seem to think that's OK.

notknowledgeable · 13/02/2024 09:28

High heels disable women for the titillation of men

I don't respect any woman who wears them.

Nevermind31 · 13/02/2024 09:27

Heels are not required. DMs are not appropriate for a wedding (you might get away with it if you are 13…).

BertieBotts · 13/02/2024 09:26

I think heels are going out of fashion. There will always be people who like them, but they are absolutely not a "must have" in the same way they used to be. Some people shun them for comfort/foot health reasons whereas some just don't like them.

I think DMs can look great with a dress and you can absolutely style it out.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 13/02/2024 09:25

I've never worn heels to a wedding. 😅 You'll be fine.
I also rarely notice other people's shoes at weddings, I'm usually looking at their faces as it's usually quite crowded during mingling times or we're sat at tables for the dinner.

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 09:21

Thanks everyone! You are right, I should have titled this differently - it is totally about whether the boots are appropriate. I know there are other flat shoes out there, but I just don't like them, and for me, if I am not wearing heels, boots are the only other footwear that looks right with a dress. Ah well, maybe I am weird!

I can't show you the dress because I don't have time to get another one.😂

I will get my hair and make up done professionally, plus it's a 5 hour flight for me to attend at all, so I am pretty sure my friend will be satisfied that I "made an effort." And as others have pointed out - it's her that everyone has come to admire, not me.

I am going to go with the boots - it's February, and I am travelling with hand luggage only so it'll be good not to have to pack a second pair of shoes.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 13/02/2024 08:53

I have worked in lots of different industries and been to lots of weddings and never worn heels thr idea of having to wear then is ridiculous

TinyYellow · 13/02/2024 08:51

You don’t have to wear uncomfy heels but you don’t have to wear ugly DM’s either. It’s a wedding, not a festival.

BubziOwl · 13/02/2024 08:47

I rarely wear heels, I usually opt for a smart flat shoe when the occasion calls. I own a pai of DMs and like them a lot, but definitely wouldn't wear them to a wedding! Confused

the80sweregreat · 13/02/2024 08:46

I'm going to be mother of the groom in the summer and I can't find a decent outfit ( fat and I have a belly etc) and I won't be able to wear heels either. I am thinking of trousers and boots but might be too hot , not dressy enough but I have horrible feet and a hammer toe so it's going to be comfort over any style I think !
I hate dressing up! Not the right shape and dodgy feet.

Breathmiller · 13/02/2024 08:44

I have to say I am amused at the responses that DMs are not for weddings. I wore a pair to my own wedding.l dyed the same coloyr as my dress. 😅

Wear the DMs if you want but I do think heels are going out of fashion (thank goodness - they are so bad for feet and posture) and young folk are getting that in the main so ypu don't nred to wear heels.

I do have to say that I struggle with dress shoes now too, I don't necessarily want a naice ladies flat shoe but want something a bit dressier. What about a slightly chunkier Mary Jane? I used to have a DM pair of MJs that were a nice halfway house between dressy shoe and clunky boot

EBearhug · 13/02/2024 08:38

I don't wear heels. Nice flat shoes are definitely possible.

Farwell · 13/02/2024 08:37

DMs are fine if that is your personal style. You also know your friend and whether she will be bothered. Quite honestly, after the event, very few people are going to remember what anyone other than the bride was wearing and very few weddings these days are the stuffy, old fashioned things of the past.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 13/02/2024 08:36

I think DMs would be out of place at most weddings.

But no one will bat an eyelid at you not wearing heels, so just find some comfy flats. They don't need to be pumps, especially in February.

the80sweregreat · 13/02/2024 08:32

I can't wear heels at all either
Never have done

mypafology · 13/02/2024 08:32

Not wearing heels is fine...in fact heels are old fashioned now

But I wouldn't wear DMs to a wedding unless it was going to be a bit alternative...a pair of pretty flats would be better

wonkylegs · 13/02/2024 08:31

It really depends on the wedding (hosts and other guests) I've been to some weddings where that would be absolutely fine others and it would be deeply frowned upon.
You know your friends who are getting married so that's the starting point.

I actually love heels but has RA and over the (25) years it's progressed so badly in my feet (fused toes) that I am severely limited to what I can wear but heels have been a huge no no for many years and I've managed to find appropriate footwear for lots of occasions where heels are usually the default choice. I've got to have a particular footbed shape / support so it's even more tricky than just no heels.

Even if that choice isn't appropriate for those friends there are lots of other choices out there that aren't heels.

Mulberryround · 13/02/2024 08:30

Why not wear your heels/flats to the ceremony and save your DM’s for the reception? A lot of wedding guests switch shoes then anyway :)

Workwhat · 13/02/2024 08:29

Don't wear heels. It's fine to wear flats or a slight heel. Honestly no one cares and it's definitely not expected.

Edited to say I never wear heels. I'm 38 haven't for about 18 years!

soupfiend · 13/02/2024 08:29

I would wear DMs to a wedding dependent on outfit

And I wouldnt bat an eyelid to see someone else wearing them either.

SallyWD · 13/02/2024 08:29

I hate heels too. I never wear them and it's no big deal. No one ever comments and I don't think anyone ever notices.
I wouldn't wear DMs to a wedding unless it's a very lad back wedding. I actually love DMs and a dress but for a wedding I'd wear nice flats.