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Original poster

Sick of pretending to wear heels

415 replies

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 08:16

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
GreyCarpet · 13/02/2024 11:44

Some of the alternative shoe suggestions on here are ridiculous!

As I said, I live in DMs although I'd probably not wear them for a wedding unless I knew others would be wearing the same (I wouldn't care if someone wore DMs to mine though).

I wouldn't be seen dead in any of the alternative suggestions on here! Hideous! 😅

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:44

Farwell · 13/02/2024 11:40

I suspect the divide here is those of us who wear DMs with dresses as routine vs those who don't. I regularly wear dresses with DMs. I am in my 50s and love being old enough to give no fucks about other people's judgement.

All this nonsense about getting 'pretty' shoes is just societal pressure and should be ignored.

Men frequently wear boots, but because they are under trousers, it is not so obvious. And is also perfectly ok.

I live in dresses with boots. Not DMs as I find them too heavy and they hurt. But something similar.

That doesn't mean they're appropriate for a wedding. The don't need to be "pretty", they need to be fit for the occasion. Just as (unless the wedding invite says otherwise) you don't turn up in your jeans and trainers because you feel more comfortable.

Sandals12 · 13/02/2024 11:43

Most of the comments seem to be saying the opposite to how people voted?

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 11:42

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:41

Oh please, there's literally endless choices for women. Even different DMs would be more suitable, like the loafers, Mary janes or brogues.

Christ I know, whereas for men it's like that scene in Peep Show where Mark is deciding between a brown or a black brogue. "Stick with the black... don't want to look like a spiv." Men manage to look presentable at weddings without deciding "no actually, my trainers are more comfortable. I'm going to wear those."

Make a bit of effort OP and get yourself a pair of shoes that'll do you for weddings etc.

Could you be any more patronising?

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:41

Oh please, there's literally endless choices for women. Even different DMs would be more suitable, like the loafers, Mary janes or brogues.

Christ I know, whereas for men it's like that scene in Peep Show where Mark is deciding between a brown or a black brogue. "Stick with the black... don't want to look like a spiv." Men manage to look presentable at weddings without deciding "no actually, my trainers are more comfortable. I'm going to wear those."

Make a bit of effort OP and get yourself a pair of shoes that'll do you for weddings etc.

Berlinlover · 13/02/2024 11:41

I never wear heels but would wear flat shoes to a wedding.

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 11:41

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:40

Sounds like you might be aware that your outfit is not exactly appropriate...

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More like mind your own business.

Farwell · 13/02/2024 11:40

I suspect the divide here is those of us who wear DMs with dresses as routine vs those who don't. I regularly wear dresses with DMs. I am in my 50s and love being old enough to give no fucks about other people's judgement.

All this nonsense about getting 'pretty' shoes is just societal pressure and should be ignored.

Men frequently wear boots, but because they are under trousers, it is not so obvious. And is also perfectly ok.

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 11:40

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 11:39

Please let us see the dress.

So you can tell me that's wrong too? Not a chance!

Good decision. This pack will tear you to shreds no matter what you wear.

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:40

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 11:39

Please let us see the dress.

So you can tell me that's wrong too? Not a chance!

Sounds like you might be aware that your outfit is not exactly appropriate...

Itaintpretty · 13/02/2024 11:40

I’m not someone who likes to wear heels either. They’re so uncomfortable. At my wedding, I wore heels to walk down the aisle and then I ditched them straight away for my (brand new) converses. I wouldn’t have been bothered if someone wanted to wear Dr Martens with a dress.

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 11:39

Please let us see the dress.

So you can tell me that's wrong too? Not a chance!

OP posts:
Toooldforthis36 · 13/02/2024 11:38

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:16

Women have far more choice in shoes than men do.

OP could easily find more appropriate shoes that are still comfortable and don't have a heel. She just wants to wear doc martens.

I think it's disrespectful. She can manage one day without hulking great clumpy boots on.

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Disrespectful? What a load of mince.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 13/02/2024 11:38

Please let us see the dress.

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 11:36

Can we see your outfit?

No way!

OP posts:
chiwwy · 13/02/2024 11:36

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:25

@chiwwy

Do you also think men at weddings are 'hulking great clumpy boots on'?

What? Men aren't at weddings in doc martens. The OP should wear comfortable flat shoes. No one has to wear heels to a wedding but wearing what is effectively a worker's boot is not appropriate. For men or for women.

But some mens shoes are bigger and weigh more than OP's doc martens. Why don't you think the men are hulking around in their clumpy shoes?

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:36

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 11:34

I think it's disrespectful. She can manage one day without hulking great clumpy boots on

How is it disrespectful, if they are new and clean, and match the rest of my (not controversial) outfit? Surely disrespectful would be to turn up in a white dress, or get drunk and start a fight at dinner?

That would certainly be the icing on the wedding cake.

It's disrespectful because there are societal norms. You can easily wear a comfortable flat shoe that's more appropriate.

My friend had her wedding in a barn in a field. We all wore wellies. It was fun but that was part of the theme of their wedding.

So if they're happy with it then fine, crack on. But I'd never assume. The default should be a more appropriate shoe that is comfortable to wear. Not a workie's boot.

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:35

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 11:34

I think it's disrespectful. She can manage one day without hulking great clumpy boots on

How is it disrespectful, if they are new and clean, and match the rest of my (not controversial) outfit? Surely disrespectful would be to turn up in a white dress, or get drunk and start a fight at dinner?

Can we see your outfit?

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 11:34

I think it's disrespectful. She can manage one day without hulking great clumpy boots on

How is it disrespectful, if they are new and clean, and match the rest of my (not controversial) outfit? Surely disrespectful would be to turn up in a white dress, or get drunk and start a fight at dinner?

OP posts:
AllProperTeaIsTheft · 13/02/2024 11:33

I haven't worn heels in about 20 years. I wouldn't wear DMs to a wedding or with a pretty dress, but I don't dislike that look on other people and I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I saw it at a wedding.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 13/02/2024 11:33

I went to a wedding in June where somebody was wearing a pretty dress with docs.

You mostly get the top half seen anyhow and she looked fine. Everybody's worried about themselves looking good/appropriate.

After a bit everyone will have a drink and all relax and nobody will care about who's wearing what.

Enjoy!

Fionaville · 13/02/2024 11:33

Ponoka7 · 13/02/2024 11:22

What would you wear that you could also walk a reasonable distance or stand most of the day in? I'm going to struggle on a upcoming holiday. Winter is so much easier.

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I always say the same! My feet don't cope well in totally flat shoes either, I need a bit of arch support, which trainers usually have. I got some sandals from Clarks which are really comfortable. For lots of walking I've got Sketchers sandals and some Crocs flip flops (they don't look at all like Crocs and are really comfortable) These are similar the Clarks ones I have, I couldn't believe how comfy they are!

Sick of pretending to wear heels
gamerchick · 13/02/2024 11:32

I never wear heels. I don't feel any pressure to do it..come on OP, you're a grown up. Throw off the feelz on it.

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:31

Ponoka7 · 13/02/2024 11:26

@Doublenoogahsilvousplait we have lots of shoes available, but not more choice in comfortable, flat shoes that fit well, especially on a budget. Pointed toes, fronts that finish round at the base of the toes, no support etc are the norm. If you add in wanted covered toes, you've got little chance of finding something.

Oh please, there's literally endless choices for women. Even different DMs would be more suitable, like the loafers, Mary janes or brogues.

Nonplusultra · 13/02/2024 11:29

This should be in classics- one half of posters telling you yabu to worry about it , the other half judging the heck out of your shoe choice.

My pretence is that I buy a fairly similar heel and a flat shoe from the same collection and switch over after my grand entrance. I grew up in docs too and my dm used to worry that I’d never be able to cope with heels. She was right.

PS I vote for docs.

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