Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of pretending to wear heels

415 replies

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 08:16

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
Wexone · 13/02/2024 12:14

i love love shoes including heels. I don't see your issue with finding a nice dressy flat - Everyone from Chanel to Primark doe nice flats
If ya want to wear DM's crack on but i dint think they are appropriate for a wedding and to me sound odd

Maybebabble · 13/02/2024 12:10

Just wear what you like. Honestly conforming and people pleasing is overrated. Comfort and confidence is not.

I have heels and Doc’s I wear whatever takes my fancy.

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 12:09

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 12:01

Can I also note that OP said "long Doc Marten style boots" so we don't actually know what these boots might look like.

Yep, correct - they aren't actually Docs but I am sure the haters are still gonna hate! I'm gonna wear them with pride with my knee length black and pink flowery dress!

images.app.goo.gl/xebrzCYVPtMK7SSu5

Yeah those are worse than the DMs I was picturing.

Ponoka7 · 13/02/2024 12:03

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:28

This doesn't square with my experience at all.

I've never worn a heel or pointed toe in my life and I manage to dress appropriately for work, weddings and funerals.

Show quote history

Can you give me an example of what you'd wear to a wedding? Or do you show your toes? That's were I am struggling (and a lot of older women). We need flat, toe covering flats but still want to be able to walk.

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 12:02

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:53

@chiwwy have you got shares in doc marten?

Unlikely, given I don't even own any DMs.

I do think women should be comfortable though and I wouldn't have given a crap had women worn them at my very big wedding.

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 12:01

Can I also note that OP said "long Doc Marten style boots" so we don't actually know what these boots might look like.

Yep, correct - they aren't actually Docs but I am sure the haters are still gonna hate! I'm gonna wear them with pride with my knee length black and pink flowery dress!

images.app.goo.gl/xebrzCYVPtMK7SSu5

OP posts:
Sunshinedayscomeon · 13/02/2024 12:00

Wear what your comfortable in and will enjoy the day in. I'd rather a guest attended in DMs than not attend at all.

I'm a trainer person, I wore white converse under my wedding dress much to mother annoyance.

Hope you a marvellous time and wear the DMs. Life is too short for heels and discomfort.

Mariposistaaa · 13/02/2024 11:59

Pintally · 13/02/2024 08:19

For me personally I don’t like that look, but that aside they’re very clunky and casual for something like a wedding - the same way that trainers would be too casual.

I also hate heels, but there’s always plenty of flat shoes around that would work for a wedding.

Totally agree with you.
I loath the dress and trainer look too. I am not a big heel fan but there are loads of flatter shoe styles out there.

Kittythecutest · 13/02/2024 11:59

Of course you don’t have to wear heels but there’s a gap between heels and Dr Martens. Dr Martens are not appropriate for most weddings

FrontalHeadache · 13/02/2024 11:55

GreyCarpet · 13/02/2024 11:44

Some of the alternative shoe suggestions on here are ridiculous!

As I said, I live in DMs although I'd probably not wear them for a wedding unless I knew others would be wearing the same (I wouldn't care if someone wore DMs to mine though).

I wouldn't be seen dead in any of the alternative suggestions on here! Hideous! 😅

Yes, some of the other shoes suggested are far uglier than DMs to me! But that’s fine. People should still wear what they want.

I think the fact that so many people still think DMs are workmen’s boots as opposed to a mainstream fashion accessory, says it all; these people’s views are not to be taken seriously!

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:55

Can I also note that OP said "long Doc Marten style boots" so we don't actually know what these boots might look like.

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:53

@chiwwy have you got shares in doc marten?

WhoIsnt · 13/02/2024 11:51

I looked into get some of those sparkly silver DMs for a wedding - so it's still wedding appropriate and shows you've made an effort but you're also comfortable as you are. They have second hand ones on Vinted sometimes?

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 11:49

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:48

Why don't you? cant ask for opinions then whinge when you get them.

Show quote history

She asked for opinions on shoes, not you and others haranging her on her dress so you can ridicule it.

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 11:48

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:47

I think most people are voting on whether or not heels are required, rather than the suitability of the boots.

Show quote history

Wrong. OP's AIBU is:

*YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome"

So people are voting that the boots are suitable.

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:48

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 11:41

More like mind your own business.

Show quote history

Why don't you? cant ask for opinions then whinge when you get them.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 13/02/2024 11:48

MidnightMeltdown · 13/02/2024 11:45

Only you know the bride and groom and whether or not they will be offended.

I've been a bridesmaid 3 times and every time the bride has put me in a pair of sky high sparkly heals that I could barely walk in. I really don't think that they would have been at all happy if any of their guests turned up in boots.

I didn’t buy my bridesmaids’ shoes. I told them they could wear what they liked as long as it suited the dress. DMs wouldn’t have suited the dress but any flats or heels would have been fine.

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 11:47

Sandals12 · 13/02/2024 11:43

Most of the comments seem to be saying the opposite to how people voted?

I think most people are voting on whether or not heels are required, rather than the suitability of the boots.

GreyCarpet · 13/02/2024 11:47

Farwell · 13/02/2024 11:40

I suspect the divide here is those of us who wear DMs with dresses as routine vs those who don't. I regularly wear dresses with DMs. I am in my 50s and love being old enough to give no fucks about other people's judgement.

All this nonsense about getting 'pretty' shoes is just societal pressure and should be ignored.

Men frequently wear boots, but because they are under trousers, it is not so obvious. And is also perfectly ok.

Totally agree with this.

I've got some really lovely dresses - lacy, going out stuff.

I always wear them with 14 hole docs. Always. They look so much better!

I wear dresses and docs every day.

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 11:46

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:45

@chiwwy

**
Could you be any more patronising?

I can try.

OP had asked for opinions.

At least you admit it!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 13/02/2024 11:46

Sandals12 · 13/02/2024 11:43

Most of the comments seem to be saying the opposite to how people voted?

Because the question seemed to be ‘do I have to wear heels?’ which is obviously no.

I haven’t voted to be fair because I didn’t agree with either option. I said it depended on the type of wedding which OP hasn’t answered.

booksandbrooks · 13/02/2024 11:45

It's your friend's wedding I'd follow their lead.
Are they someone who is likely to upset by this? They're your friend? I don't think I have a friend who would care - we all have distinct styles but docs have a place in that. I have been to weddings were I would have felt awful in boots but they were more traditional family friend ones.

Mind you one of my friends wanted bridal crocs but the MOH put her foot down 😂

Doublenoogahsilvousplait · 13/02/2024 11:45

@chiwwy

**
Could you be any more patronising?

I can try.

OP had asked for opinions.

MidnightMeltdown · 13/02/2024 11:45

Only you know the bride and groom and whether or not they will be offended.

I've been a bridesmaid 3 times and every time the bride has put me in a pair of sky high sparkly heals that I could barely walk in. I really don't think that they would have been at all happy if any of their guests turned up in boots.

xyz111 · 13/02/2024 11:44

Your friend will know your style, and I'm sure be happy that you're comfortable, rather than tottering around on heels feeling silly.