Does the UK begrudge success?

These two reasons alone are enough for therapy. Number 1, why do you care what people say? You're selectively reading and responding though, so I'm not sure what you want out of this thread. Given that you're still in contact with your parents, I can see why people are making the assumption your childhood wasn't how you describe.

@Dweetfidilove how can you pay half school
fees whilst also earning so little as to claim UC? The usual UC position is it's hardly enough to live on. Can't be savings as you wouldn't be eligible for UC.

As a parent who made massive sacrifices in terms of housing, holidays, clothes etc to send my two to private school I still realise that they are privileged.

My children always had enough to eat and a warm house. They were clothed even if those clothes were cheap supermarket clothes and I could afford to send them to clubs and classes. They were certainly the poor kids at their school.

For various reasons ds left the private school and went to a local state school and college. There he met friends whose parents could barely afford to pay their rent or have their heating on, were unable to buy new shoes when they grew out of them, couldn't afford to go on school trips or attend a music class and who without their free school meal would not have eaten properly that day.

You and your two siblings were immensely privileged growing up being able to attend private school when so many others can't and just get whatever education is available at the time. Doesn't matter about anything else outside of that in your life which was bad, you can resent the idea that you grew up privileged, but the reality is, you were, suck it up.

Name changed for this. My Dad was a police officer, Mum did nights in a factory. DH’s Dad died in a traffic accident when he was 6, step father beat him, he was homeless aged 15. Long story short he won a scholarship to a sixth form college (maths & science) and worked his way through university with 3 jobs. Works in finance sector internationally.

We are now worth £12.5 million (in our 50s) and expect that to continue to grow. Our kids went to private school. I was snubbed by some parents at the schools and other parents didn’t care. As far as I am concerned we earned our money, we pay 50% tax on everything we earn. We live quietly. The kids are decent people and not superior or snobbish. I really don’t worry about other people’s assumptions. Yes your forefathers made sacrifices which you have benefited from but you should not feel guilty. Maybe try and help someone else, we support a family member who has poor health and cannot work after cancer years ago. Bought them a house and give them an income. Happy to be in a position to do so.

Why do you care though, if someone else considers you to have a privileged background? Perhaps compared to them, you did? Maybe they had the abusive upbringing + their parents didn't spend any money or time on them? I don't think this thread is going to be useful for you. Personally I can't see how you can say you were raised with love and security but were spat at. I think you'd benefit from some therapy.

Just wondering if anyone has gone through similar hardships which now is retrospectively being dressed up as ‘privilege’ in modern society.

I think you may have fundamentally misunderstood the concept of societal privilege. You can be privileged to have gone to a private, fee paying school giving you the opportunity to pursue a well paid career while simultaneously having been not privileged or underprivileged in other aspects.

Would you have your career if your parents hard work had not secured your private school fees? Or would you be working in their corner shop today?

Having hard working parents that love you and make sacrifices for your future is a privilege as well if you think on it. Many children don’t get that kind of support from their parents.

That said, crowded modest housing versus your classmates spacious rich housing is an example where you were less privileged than they were. As is your ethnicity an example of underprivilege as presumably you are at least mixed race.

I do think there is a subset of UK society that likes to see people cut down to size, especially if they think - rightly or wrongly - that their position is unearned/not deserved etc.

But I think a big driver of that is the vast inequality in this country. Companies are allowed to pay below-subsistence wages that are subsidised by the government in the form of benefits, while the bosses of those companies earn vast sums. There is huge regional inequality that affects everything from education to job prospects to health and social care. Add a national dialogue that is less cakeist and more pie-ist (ie there is a finite amount of pie to go around, rather than recognising that the size of the pie can change and be differently distributed) and you get a society where people inevitably fight over the scraps of pie left for them and question why someone else has a bit more pie.

OP
Completely agree with you. I just have to keep my mouth shut.

I'm a first generation immigrant. My parents are doctors back home but live in a flat, never had a car. We often had water cutoff; had all food rationed and stuff like meat mostly unavailable (lived in a communist dictatorship).

Came here, did the equivalent of A levels in one year, got a scholarship to a low level private university. Started working in financial services and got through my professional exams.
Currently earn a non investment bank financial services salary, and me and my then husband (from similarly not privileged background) bought our house and two more, rented out.

I try to say as little as possible to people and noone knows about the rentals.

People are incredibly jealous although comparatively they mostly had a much more privileged upbringing, just didn't end up making the same choices of working and saving afterwards. (As an example, I have misformed ribs due to childhood malnutrition - it was one of the 'worse' communist countries....)

You can be privileged in some ways and neglected in others.

What you experienced is awful, of course.

What were the actual.horrible circumstances? Was it a small flat/no holidays or something else? It doesn't sound horrendous which is why I think we're missing some info...

Sorry just seen your update.

I'm really sorry to hear this op. Think some of things which are worth thinking about are the difference between individual experiences and overall privlidge within society of belonging to a certain group or class.

I also think this is where taking an intersectional approach to privlidge is crucial. For example somone could be from a very privlidged background in terms of education but mental issues or a disability. However we can't know this when we meet somone or think about a certain group.

So we do me assumptions, which have their uses and limitations...

If your parents could afford to send 3 children to private school they were well off.

Why are you so bothered about being seen as privileged? You were in a sense.

Im similar, I guess, privileged in some ways, but not in others. You can be both

Yes, people harbour resentment and bitterness for anyone that they perceive has even one iota more success than they do or have more than them. They dress it up as something else and use gaslighting to make the other feel bad about their success and that they haven’t worked hard to get there. They act like somehow the successful person doesn’t deserve the success they’ve worked for. This behaviour is especially reserved for successful women.

You’ll get loads of replies of ‘poor people work hard too’ and ‘poor people don’t have holidays either’ blah blah blah……Success should be celebrated, especially female success but the British public seems to have developed this overwhelmingly negative outlook on life and everything is a race to the bottom, not the top. It’s a population wide victim mentality and it’s infuriating.

I think you are worrying about semantics. privileged does not mean happy, or not abused,. You can be both. Lots of very privileged children are horrendously neglected.

Who is making you feel this way though? Strangers (in which case how do they know your background)? Co-workers? 'Friends'? I have no clue about the educational and personal background of strangers or people I work with, and friends I choose to spend time and emotional energy on because I want to; I'd be upset if they were judging.

It's probably more valuable to try and address your feelings around your childhood- sounds like there's lots of unwrap. It's also not unusual to feel a sense of guilt if you out earn what your parents did even though they worked exceptionally hard and sacrificed; but evidently they did this so you could succeed and this is making their sacrifices worth it.

o you are not paying anything, that is different, I thought you were paying half the fees

You only need to spend 5 minutes on mumsnet to realise that a great many people do begrudge others success.

I have a few friends from similar backgrounds (child of aspirational immigrant parents) who report a similar experience of a very tough childhood due to their parents (well meaning but difficult) approach to parenting to ensure the career success of their kids.

TBH I imagine most people have experience of knowing families like this, so would probably empathise with your position if you explained it!

50% scholarship and 50% bursary. I pay £15 annual insurance.

I wouldn’t mind being rich though.

Your thread title bears absolutely no resemblance to your actual OP. You might have had more of the replies you were looking for if you'd worded it correctly.