Does the UK begrudge success?

But why do you care if people label you as privileged. You know the truth. You've worked hard to get where you are and you've overcome the negative parts of your childhood. Be proud of yourself and other people can piss off, what they think is irrelevant.

Also, the person who said only the super rich can send their children to private school is wrong.

Is that what I said? You're reaching and making a straw man argument here.

I don’t people begrudge someone who’s achieved something from nothing but I think people don’t like the whole aristocracy owning much of the land handed out yrs ago thing. Or the over representation of private school in certain industries eg media, law etc.

But this is a myth, a fantasy, - the self made through hard work, grit and determination is not how it happens, it is more a case of prosperous to riches, not rags to riches!

I don’t think success is begrudged per se, but I do think financial success in certain (dubious) industries is.

I don’t think people begrudge wealth creators like Richard Branson or Dyson, nor do they begrudge people who earn wealth through a combination of genuine talent and hard work, such as senior doctors, engineers etc.

I do, however, think that people resent people earning massively from jobs like management consultancy, finance, managing corporates having never actually risked their own money. To some extent, these businesses are just a tax on others and the ‘talent’ is mostly imagined.

I think it is particularly resented when people in the above professions go on about how they got where they are through hard work and talent, when the reality is it is more a small sliver of talent and a large helping of luck (often coupled with a side dish of nepotism).

I don’t think that is unique to the UK though.

I’m also Asian, came to this country as a child immigrant with my parents who worked low paid jobs, with my siblings.

I was always conscious that our house wasn’t as nice as my friends’ (who had been born in the UK). I hated birthday parties with some friends as I felt so self conscious. Dad worked 16 hour days to pay the mortgage.

My parents didn’t make a big thing out of education, beyond ensuring we went to school every day.

I have ended up in a highly paid career but it was through luck more than planning and just plodding along through college and uni and jobs.

My colleagues are mainly white, many went to private school. They have no idea of my family life.

@Snowsp a quick look at a list of the most unequal countries on earth will show you that there is no connection between admiring and encouraging success and inequality.

The problem with the rising tide theory is that metaphorically people we now have too many of the super rich shortening everyone's anchor chains to make sure they sink.

Well the question was whether there was begrudgery of success in the UK, and in providing a comparator some light was shone on the matter, right?

There is huge inequality in the US so it's a useful comparison. What is it about the unequal UK that makes the success of others feel like a personal insult when success in the unequal US is celebrated?

Indians don’t go no contact the way people from other cultures do.

Maybe not, but it’s your choice about whether to go NC.
You were abused. You witnessed DV.

I sense you would feel guilt and cultural shame for cutting contact with your parents, especially as they sacrificed so much for you and your siblings financially. It seems as they hot housed you to where you are now. It does not mean you should be happy or grateful to have experienced a horrible childhood. I wasn’t grateful about my childhood either.

Bottom line, you need therapy.
NHS waiting times are crazy, so at least you can afford to go private.

Some people think we are rich. I let them think. They see what they see and that’s enough to get some people’s backs up. The change in behaviour and jealous comments once people see where we live is enough for me to decide if a new friend remains a friend.

These people who think you are privileged don’t know about your horrible childhood. It’s none of their business, unless you want to share it with them. You don’t have to. You do not need to care about what they think about your lifestyle.

Rising tide, not ride..

Agree absolutely with all of that.

The pie comment is especially astute.

It's baffling. I grew up in a country where a politician once asserted when the country was very poor that the rising ride would lift all boats, and he was right. It's quite different from the common British whack a mole theory of how an economy works.

I had a shit childhood yet I can still acknowledge the privilege that I have (white privilege). People who can't acknowledge this stuff are ignorant. It doesn't mean that everything in your life is great, it just means that you have advantages in some areas.

I mean culturally and socially in terms of inequality the USA is even more of a mess than here. But yay they are positive! How embarrassing you can't make those connections.

Yes imo there is a huge resentment of other people’s success in the UK and a massive under estimation of how hard many people have had to work to get there. I far prefer the positivity of the USA in this regard. There success is seen as something to admire and celebrate.

I find not very bright people with no class consciousness are the ones who think it's about ambition and success. Rather than the multitude of inequality which is caused by privlidge.

I think part of the problem is that the word ‘privileged’ has been hijacked as an insult and used to shut people up and silence them.

Even on here, some people are minimising the fact that the OP was physically and psychologically abused as a child….but it’s ok because she was ‘privileged’ to go to a private school…so she should simply shut up about the horrible aspects of her life? That’s what the word is being used for now…… The OP is allowed to dislike being labelled that by people that have no idea what her life was like…who have simply assumed something based on their own cognitive biases.

Yes, there is begrudgery of success.

You see it very plainly in the assertion that it's ostentation that the British don't like. In other words, you can be successful, but if you don't downplay your success and pretend you're plugging along like everyone else, you're the tall poppy that must be cut down. And also, if you have a lovely house and lifestyle, large disposable income, you don't have to work, and your children are straight arrows, there must be some secret shame or sorrow behind closed doors. Your husband is an alcoholic or has a mistress or your brother whom you never have anything to do with is a rough sleeper, etc.

If you decide to push your children academically, either by choosing a private school or somehow moving to an area where the state schools / grammars are good, because you think they are capable of getting into great universities and moving on to well-paid careers, there are mutterings of 'sharp elbows'. People who don't know their place make Britons uncomfortable. My Irish friends and relatives living in Britain have certainly experienced the thin end of that particular wedge.

The acceptance of success is the part of American culture that baffles a lot of Britons the most, in my observation.

I am not from the UK, when I first moved here and was having lessons to improve my English I was told by my teacher that ambition is frowned upon in the UK

I was talking about op saying that Indians don’t go nc. I didn’t see anything in the above quotes about the UK begrudging success but please do point out if I’ve missed it.

Privilege is a subjective thing. My dh grew up very poor but managed to build a successful business from scratch by himself with minimal education from a rubbish school and no family money at all. This is often brought up when people speak to him, how well he did to drag himself up out of that. He always replies that he has only fond memories of a fantastic childhood because he was warm, fed and had parents who loved him.

To me a private school education doesn’t cancel out a miserable and at times abusive childhood. Being at a private school may even have made op feel worse in comparison to her peers, most of who would have had a much happier existence. Yes op had opportunities that many of us don’t and has thankfully made the best of them, but it seems she would rather have had a more peaceful childhood and I don’t think it’s fair for us to undermine her experience by insisting that she is in fact privileged when she clearly doesn’t feel like that.

You think saying the UK begrudges success is an explanation?

Just agreeing with others that to go to private school in the 80's/90's you didn't need to be particularly wealthy/privileged. When I was a child, my parents paid £3k a year for my schools fees - private education was far more accessible. I now pay £25k a year for each of my own DC, which you absolutely do need to privileged to pay. Once VAT gets added on, we're looking at £30k a year (each), which will just make private education even more the preserve of the super wealthy.

If people are judging your background based on current levels of fees they will assume you came from a very well off family, but it's not how it used to be.

I think you should go and spend some time in a council estate, or in a woman's shelter. Volunteer at a secondary school where children turn up hungry and their free lunch is the only meal they will eat that day.
You were, and still are, incredibly privileged thanks to your incredibly hard working and dedicated parents.

@pointythings yep- I agree on that . I've had nasty digs on Twitter of the 'it's ok for you, you live in Bath' - yep- we don't own and pay a fair whack to do so, but chose that over things that other people might prioritise - some of the people saying these things undoubtedly have more on paper than we do