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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another baby even if marriage is a little rocky?

107 replies

Farmulaic · 12/02/2024 13:21

Looking for some advice. 36 and have one child, since her birth our marriage has been a little rough. Both working full time in stressful jobs and finding it challenging.
We have theoretically even contributions work and family-wise, though he overestimates his contribution to childcare and household.
After the birth of our daughter, I thought he wasn't supportive enough and could be self centred, he was upset that I would keep bugging him about that.
Fast forward 2 years, we want another child but I worry that our marriage isn't quite up for it yet and it could cause too much strain. On the other hand, will we ever be ready? And time isn't on our side given our ages (DH is 41)
I tried to find marriage counselling but wrote to four different therapists and none could offer times that work so I gave up.
What would you do?

AIBU: another baby is the worst thing you could do right now!
AINBU: oh go on, you're only fertile once...

OP posts:
Original poster
Farmulaic · 12/02/2024 13:25

Thank you for responses so far. It's him who worries that 41 is pushing it, and he wants to be active with his kids.
For clarity, the marriage counsellor was specifically to help us work through things before trying for another child.

OP posts:
user1497207191 · 12/02/2024 13:24

YABU. Another child is likely to cause you're already rocky marriage to collapse. You know he's not supportive enough with one, so why would you think a second will help? If you go ahead, you need to regard yourself as a single mother, probably heading to divorce.

BoohooWoohoo · 12/02/2024 13:23

Band aid babies don’t work and it’s not fair on the children
If you go ahead then assume that you’ll become a single parent.
Is it you and your h who thinks 41 is verging on too old? There’s usually more leeway with a man’s age if he’s willing

ChangeAgain2 · 12/02/2024 13:23

Don't have another baby. You'll end up a single parent of two. Unless your fine with that eventuality. I promise a second child doesn't improve things.

OrigamiOwls · 12/02/2024 13:22

I think it depends how you feel about being a single parent to two? Either completely on your own or trying to co-parent.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 12/02/2024 13:22

Why on earth would you bring a child into this relationship? How incredibly selfish that would be.

EVHead · 12/02/2024 13:22

YABU. Do not bring another child into this.