To have another baby even if marriage is a little rocky?

I feel that for a child, being an only child in a solid relationship is much better than being a child with siblings with parents whose relationship is really struggling. That would decide it for me, but I was never terrified of having an only child like many on here seem to be.

YABU. Selfish to think a second child will make your marriage work. It will do exactly the opposite.
You should focus on the child you already have. Prioritise marriage counselling over your work schedule.

Did you believe your marriage would be rocky one day?

Things change, people change. Or they can remain the same, and he'll do him, and you'll continually accuse him of being self centered and not supportive again?

Don't bring another child into this. Surely it is better to try for the child you already have, and for one another, to see if you can get your marriage back on track. Isn't that worth the fight? Why make the effort just to have another child.

I'm going to go against the grain.
If you really want another baby, I would go for it.

You also know what you're letting yourself in for. He's obviously not the world's best Dad in terms of support but it also doesn't sound like he's the worst.

Another factor for me would be age. The relationship might not improve anyway, and then you're left to find a new relationship, be together long enough to decide you want children etc. By which time, you could be in your 40's. I know people are having babies in their mid-late 40's these days, but the younger the better.

I have 2 kids (4&6). We've nearly split up a million times because it was so stressful but we powered on through for the kids. Now they are that bit older, the relationship is great again. Kids are such a massive strain on a relationship but it doesn't mean it's over because you have another child.

I would go for it.

YABU: put your child first.

If you’re not amicably and equally managing the care of one child plus the household chores then that won’t change with two unless you change your lifestyle. If you want two then one or both of you need to reduce hours or stress at work, perhaps taking a demotion for a few years or a sideways move to a less stressful area of your careers. You need to find a way to both accept that you cannot have it all. Some people can but you’re not managing it and maintaining a happy relationship so, you just can’t. Something needs to give. Figure out who can reduce hours or if you both can, remember you’ll have maternity leave so that gives a bit of leeway. But you need to make changes, real changes, so you have time to give your marriage attention, your children attention and keep your house in order. Or you can hire a nanny.

What issues are you currently having why your marriage doesn't feel strong enough?

Actually YANBU if you want two and age isn’t on your side so go for it. Some couples find a balance of two kids actually helps as dad steps up and feels useful and finds his feet as a dad rather than feeling sidelined as a unit outside the mother and baby duo.

Does DH want a second? Is he also committed to finding marriage counselling? I wouldn’t plough on with a second in this scenario, it could become hell for all involved particularly if you both work full time in stressful jobs.

He can have children basically forever. My friends dad had a baby at 80. You're 36, i think its might be worth paying for a fertility mot at a clinic to check your egg reserves. I had my first via ivf at 40 and second without intervention at 42.

YABU.

Having a second child is difficult for most happy marriages. Why put yours under so much change when the issues you are having are bad enough to need external help? Nothing you have said makes me think he's going to do better for you the second time around.

Having a toddler and both working long hours in stressful jobs will put a lot of strain on a relationship. What will change with a second baby? I'm pregnant now and it's exhausting. I am not losing my mind only because my DH is an absolute angel. I would crumble without him right now, he's doing absolutely everything at home and being extra supportive. I only say this as I cannot even contemplate getting pregnant in your situation.

Genuinely, how will you cope pregnant/with a newborn, with a toddler and still in a stressful job with not enough support from your DH? Why is he not even trying to go to counselling with you? You need to prioritise counselling unless you just want a sperm donor so you can have your 2 kids and raise them on your own.

What benefit would a additional child bring to you and your family other than children are cute?

Parenting one child is easy, two not so much. What if they don't get on. What if one becomes ill or has additional needs. How are you going to manage running them around to different activities if you already find one child difficult.

Could you (or he) manage two children if you separated / had an accident / got ill etc.

People having more children than they can adequately manage is madness. If you find it hard with one don't add another in to the mix.

Not fair to a child. YABU.

Band Aid babies don't resolve problems in a relationship. If he doesn't step up with 1DC why do you think he'd do it for 2DC? Would you be prepared to be a single parent to 2DC?

Why would you do that to your existing child and a new baby?

Having a baby puts even the most solid relationship under stress, never mind one which is already rocky

I’m really sorry you’re having a rocky time in your marriage. As PP have mentioned, please please don’t bring another baby into this situation. It’s not fair on you, your husband or your baby, and it wouldn’t be fair on the new baby.

Are you able to persist a bit more with contacting marriage counsellors? I think marriage counselling - and perhaps therapy for yourself, if you’re willing to consider it - would be very helpful.

YABU

It's just not fair on the child.

Do you honestly think the stress and exhaustion of another pregnancy and baby would make things happier or worse?

Have you thought about how fair or not it is to your existing child and a hypothetical one when your marriage is already suffering?