To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

Daughter of an older mum here, as well as an older mum. My mum fretted over it, she was 44 when she had me, and lied to me about her age. I thought it was silly and not a great example of being a role model at different ages! That being said, she's dying now, and I do wish she was younger as my daughter won't remember her. So make sure your girl has kids young 😜that's my plan anyway. Seriously though she wouldn't be who she is if you'd had her at a different time. I know my mum was kinder to me and softer than she was with my sisters so you can't compare.

I'm 50 this year. My kids will be 8. Not embarrassed at all. Why would you be?

My daughter and I have exactly the same age gap; she was born a few weeks after my 40th birthday and is now late teens. I just asked her if it had ever bothered her and she said no, except that when she was little she struggled to keep up with us, we had to wait for her! Now, it’s the other way around 🤣🤣. It’s only because I need an op and walk more carefully than previously, but if that’s the worst thing about older parents then I’ll take that!!
if you get on and love each other, she’ll keep you young!!

I'm 66, with a 33yr old daughtera 31 yr old son and a 25yr old daughter . Do the Maths, 40 yes old for the last birth. My husband is also 66 and we have a great relationship with them, going away every December together
to do Xmas market and party.
We're all off to one of my son's pals wedding in May in Croatia.
I guess my point is it's about relationships and living in the moment rather than moaning about being 50yrs. Sorry to sound mean but 50 seems soooo young to me now.

I was 39 ¾ when I had my 2nd child, a son, and like your daughter totally idolises me (not as much now at 16 🤣🤣) I know I am a much better mum than i would have been when I was younger.

Enjoy your daughter, and your 50’s. Don’t look back and regret how you felt.

Well I’m 50 too and have a 10
and 6 year old! I don’t feel 50. I keep myself fit and healthy so that I can be around for my girls as long as possible.

My daughter is 12 tomorrow and I will be 58 in June (Dad was 59 in January) she doesn’t care and neither do we. My gran was a little old lady at 60 I won’t be times have changed.

My father was fifty when I was born and it never bothered me xxx

My mother had me at 46, I’m 52 now. She lied about her age for MANY years!

My friends just had a baby at 43 no one batted an eyelid. It’s not a big deal

I’m 49 this year and my kids are 5, 9, 13, 15, 17 and 18 - don’t sweat it 😅

@AshdownForest To be honest, I wouldn’t worry about it! It’s not something you can change anyway is it?? The important thing is your relationship with your children and as long as you’re close and loving that’s what counts in life not what age you are. FWIW, when I was 50 I had 10 year old and a 5 year old. My age was never remarked upon and my group of mum friends were almost all in their late twenties, and thirties. But it is what it is. I had IVF for my first child and I naturally conceived my second so I consider myself lucky to have my two. We have a great relationship and lots of laughs and fun now that they’re grown up and 27 and 22. They were always great kids and I’ve always been grateful that I was lucky enough to have them. And I’m sure they feel the same, despite my great age! 🤣🤣🤣. Be thankful for what you have. Hope you will live a long and healthy life with your children.

My dad was 54 when I was born. When he picked me up from school I was always pleased to see dad collecting (he picked me up in the car, mom didn't drive) His age was immaterial to me, and I am sure your age is of no interest to your daughter!

It’s interesting that age gap is always an issue for women but not men.

As you said, you feel young and energetic. 50 is just a number. In this modern era, people could live until 100. To be honest, I did have a concern like yours, but the important thing is that as long as the family is happy and the baby is healthy. She loves you and you are her world; she would treasure the moment more than feeling embarrassed to be with you, or perhaps she didn’t even think of any embarrassing things at all.

Some people might be concerned about the age gap, but who cares? They have their own thoughts and no one can control them. I knew someone in Asia who had her first baby at 50. They didn’t concern themselves with the age gap but with money. That’s an expensive thing to raise a baby in Asia.

Another totally bonkers MN thread. I'm starting to think that MN is actually another planet.

I voted that you were not unreasonable, but only by mistake!

I cannot get my head round the level of angst you have about your age: I can only think that you live in a very small community where everyone has their children in their twenties and are grandparents in their forties.

I had my third at 41, she's 23 now and independent. In my head I'm still 31.

You’re being ridiculous.

My youngest is 9 next month. I’m 50 in October. So what? I’m his mum. He’s happy. I’m happy. 50 isn’t especially old in the grand scheme of things. It hasn’t even crossed my mind to be embarrassed for him 🤷‍♀️.

I was 39 when I had my youngest daughter. She’s 15 now and thinks I am super cool. I’m much more chilled than I was when I had my eldest aged 25. More disposable income too!
Don’t waste time fretting about the future! Enjoy the here and now before your daughter picks up on all this (if she hasn’t already) x

I had my son at 42 but I don’t think it affects him - only me. I have never been made to feel like an older mum. I didn’t look it and didn’t act it. I’m just glad I’ve got him - and don’t even think about it now.

I am 52 with an 8 year old. We conceived naturally. I’m not alone amongst my group of friends either with this age difference. Don’t stress it.

I had my DD very unexpectedly at 42, she's 21 now and at uni, her friends say they wish their mums were more like me, because we are very close and she knows she can talk to me about anything. I've never found it embarassing, and she used to delight in correcting people who thought I was her grandma😅. Relax and be the mum your daughter needs, she will keep you young

Think it is more the fear of turning 50. I've a 10 year old and it only bothered me when I became 50. My mum is 80 so hopefully I have a few more years to come.

Why are you embarrassed?!? I found out I was pregnant 3 days before my 40th with my daughter. I’m turning 56 in April and she’s now 15, no issues, except menopause and puberty at the same time was fun!! My sister was 44 with her second, now 63 and her daughter is 19…

Please don’t stress over this. I’m sure other people have already pointed this out but I’ll add to their point: nothing is guaranteed. You could live to 100. Had you had her in your twenties there is no guarantee that you would still be here - I know people who have died in their early thirties, leaving behind young children (through illness or accidents). Enjoy the time that you have, your daughter loves you and that’s all that matters. 🤗

Please don’t worry about being 50 whilst your daughter is 10. I think you are worrying about “what ifs” and “if only’s”, but really that’s pointless. Yes, you are 50, yes, might not live to a ripe old age, but equally but you could go on until you’re 100. The point is, treasure what you have now, and don’t risk passing on your anxiety about your age to your daughter.
If it’s any consolation to you at all, my own Mum was almost 50 when I was 10, but lived into her 80’s so I was well into my 40’s when she died. I never thought of her as being older than my friends Mums - she was just my mum, whom I loved dearly as I’m sure your daughter does you.