To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

I was 50 with 3-year old twins! They're now 4 and in pre-school. There's plenty of other mums in their 40s, so I'm not much older.
As a PP said, to a 10-year old, anyone over about 25 is "old".

In the 70s, my parents were in their late-30s to mid-40s having kids, and are still going strong at 93/94. I think having kids late and grandkids late has kept them young.

I was 50 with an 8 year old. What is the problem? Ignore the fact that the world is completely obsessed with youth. Being older made me a confident mother.I was happy to be a mum, having been a career woman all my life, and I looked younger than a lot of mums at the gate. Happy days!!

You have a kid who loves you, you don’t feel 50 & you don’t look 50. I’m struggling to see what the issue is here. I know plenty women with kids of that age in their forties and they DO feel 50 and more because of health conditions etc.

I’ve just had my second at 42, but a bit more unusually, my own mum was 42 when she had me in the early 80s. She felt the difference between her own age and the other mums at the school gates, but I didn’t. I loved her. Parents are inherently embarrassing, but I never felt that was down to age. She died during my recent pregnancy, which is sooner than I would have liked, but I was more than mature enough to deal with it and it hasn’t ruined my life.

So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.

@AshdownForest Children are not just born with these qualities, they are the result of good parenting and a nurturing home. How can you possibly have let her down by being an older parent when you have clearly been a great parent to her? You have given her a great start in life and whatever comes in the future she will be able to deal with it.

If you haven’t previously experienced this type of anxiety it’s worth discussing it with your GP. When my DD was younger I went through a difficult stage where I couldn’t stop thinking about dying and leaving her, it coincided with a particularly bad bout of anxiety and I haven’t felt that terror since getting over the anxiety.

I had DS1 at 40 and DS2 at 42. When they were little I did feel older than most of the mums I met - I think it’s because you mainly meet mums of the same age children when they’re at primary school. But now DS1 is 22 and has friends in a much bigger age range I no longer feel very different. He is absolutely not bothered by my age - we’ve talked about it quite a bit.

I’m 53 with a 9 yr old. He was a wonderful surprise. His dads older - 55.
he says we are old sometime - jokingly - but he does that to his 28yr old cousin too.
He genuinely doesn’t care - neither do we.
Actually in our his class there are a couple of us.
Honestly the only one making it a thing is you.
Enjoy your daughter x

My mum was 37 when she had me. This wasn’t that common in the 70’s, or it didn’t seem to me to be.

It was more common that you think.

My sister was born in the early 1960s and my mum was 37.

I had plenty of friends whose mums had children in their late 30s, born in the 1950s and early 1960s (often because the Pill wasn't around.)

I think it’s more common than you realise OP, when I was 10 and in primary school, two of my classmates had mums who were 50. This was back int the early 90s!

Please don't worry ,I know plenty of 50 year old that have 5 yead olds ,when I'm 50 my dd will be 8.

I don't give a darn, the way I empower myself is by clean living , exercising and this helps me deal with anything that comes my way.

Find a means of empowering yourself and plugs forward.. she loves you ,you love her and two hoots to the world.

Do you know how envious people would be of you to have had a child at that age ? Its a gift, enjoy it and let the gift lead the way.

Oh and my mum was 39 when I was born and still going strong!

Age is irrelevant
As long as your a great Mum!
I have always admired older mums.
My child's father is over 50 and he's not 9 yet.
Who cares..

I remember in primary school age around your daughters age and being jealous that my friends mum was 28. My mum was 31 and it felt so old!

so yes I won’t lie, your daughter will think your old..but anyone over 30 is old to a 10 year old.

My Dad was 50 when I was born and not once was I embarrassed about him. He was a very kind, lovely gentleman and I loved him so much. He was fun, interesting and very happy. He passed away when he was 90 and I was 40. We had a lot of lovely memories together and not once did I wish I had a younger dad.

Calm down. Just keep on enjoying your life. Don't give these negative thoughts oxygen. You can't change anything. x

Its not that unusual to have children in your late 30s for early 40s. In London its basically everyone.

This isn't about your daughter. You are having an existential crisis about your age and projecting onto your child.

My DM was 43 when she had me. Times were different back then (1960’s), and health and fitness were not on adult’s life-lists as much as now.
It meant that my Mum (and Dad) were older than their years, and too tired to be hands-on parents, joining in on the touch line or taking us to do activities.
As long as you’re still able to do these things for your wee girl, it won’t matter how old you are!
Let her keep you young, OP: 50 is the new 30…

That’s so lovely!

and I know what you mean about the young mum and the proper mum.

I think we give ourselves a difficult time because we want to be the best parents. I had my first very young and had no money or support. No nice home and very alone. I felt very much not the proper mum that his friends have. Now I’m the oldest mum to my youngest child. But as I said in previous post- I’m actually not that much older than other mums of his friends. He is 10 I’m 59. Friends parents look to be 40s. Probably some late 40s early 50s. I don’t worry about this because I’m just living my life and I’ve got too many other worries!

also op- my oldest child that I had very young has always been embarrassed about me. My youngest adores me more!

the worry I have now reading this thread is how unhealthy I am. Definitely not looking after myself properly.

I don't understand your feelings.

The age gap is the same as when she was born.

50 is nothing these days so stop thinking of yourself as old.

Years ago my Mum had my sister at 37. That was considered old then but I had friends whose parents had 3rd babies at 40.

No one cared, made comments or anything.

Fellow 51 year old mum to DS11 and DD15. It doesn't really bother me as my friends all had kids later on, and where I live the younger mums are rare species lol - I'm definitely older in that my joints are fuxked and I'm perimenopausal but honestly, no one else cares and as long as your children feel loved and cared for then you're doing well. Age is a bracket really, you sound young of mind and body - age is a number not a reference to your ability and capability

Bless you. Your daughter is lucky to have you, it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship. Far better to have a good mum, whatever age. We lost my nan two years ago, she had my dad when she was 38 and he is now 58. So had a brilliant 56 years with his mam. My grandad was 40 when my dad was born and still going strong and living his best life, out on his bike every day. My other grandma had my mum at 18 and died 10 years ago. There's no guarantees but all we can do is look after ourselves and try to live happy ❤

I dont see any problem with it You're both happy thats what counts.
I had my child when i was young im 37 now hes now 19 and moving out next month.

My friend will be 50 in April and she has a 5yo. I will be 50 in the autumn and I have a 10 yo. It’s fine! No one cares! You are being a bit silly.

I had older parents. We were very close. I regret the time now i dont have with them. But im glad they had me.

You sound lovely op.

I am 59 with a 10 year old. I know what you mean but I also have a 15 year old and notice that lots of their parents friends are early 50s so not that much younger than me. So you won’t be the only parent of that age. Nothing you can do but enjoy parenthood