Settlement in divorce . Will this be enough for the children?

I completely disagree.

He isn't the only one with agency here! You are a joint owner.

So, either sell the house, pay off the small mortgage & agree equity split (you'll get at least 60:40).

You've more money coming from another property?

So you should be able to afford a new house.

OR.

Buy him out - if you want to stay in your current house.

He can't screw you over with the sale. Your name is on the property, proceeds will be distributed as per the settlement.

her ex contributes £30,000 owed in university fees that his DS saved and paid for himself

There are technically no fees in Irish universities. There's a registration fee of €3k which has been reduced in the past two years.

OP's ex will be required to pay 50% of that (more if there was a very significant disparity in pay).

Anything you’ve paid for the children since the split should be taken into account.

It won't be.

Absolutely nothing bar the existing Affidavits will be even heard in court unless you don't settle & give evidence - and then it can go either way and is usually not worth taking a gamble on

Settle (but he'll need a solicitor & barrister for court).

Well then it's a no-brainer. Get a mortgage for the balance & pay him out for the equity.

At €300k equity you won't be able to get away with €100k, I would say. I'd say at least €150 - €200k

In terms of the mortgage if he's paying that & c€160 pcm more in maintenance, then that sounds about right (without knowing his earnings but you say you're a high earner too?). The max is €2000 but that's considered unattainable.

So you'll be aiming to get the same as now paid as maintenance plus 50% medical & educational.

Was his original proposal that you could have the house & he'd clear the remaining mortgage? If so, that's also a good offer! And would ensure you don't have to chase him for maintenance at all.

I hear you. Felt similarly MANY times.

I had a 10 year battle (and just to say, the divorce was granted last October & there is still so much ongoing, it certainly isn't over) and it nearly killed me.

It is unfair. Usually to the woman. But there's no point in railing about that.

You need to be pragmatic. If he fails to pay, and it's significant, damn right you pursue him.

Not really, no.

If he's paying the mortgage and OP isn't, it's saving her money which she uses for DC.

Of course if the mortgage is tiny, then he's still not contributing sufficiently.

How old are the other children? Maintenance is usually paid til they’re 18 or out of full time education.

Anything you’ve paid for the children since the split should be taken into account.

A friend recently divorced and part of her order is that her ex contributes £30,000 owed in university fees that his DS saved and paid for himself - he paid the other DS fees in the years prior.

And therefore is it worth selling? You'll get a larger share of the equity eg 60:40 but you could push for higher especially as you have DC with additional needs.

Would the equity plus the amount you can get from the other property + maybe a small mortgage enable you to get another house?

OR

You could look for a mortgage on this house, and pay him agreed equity. Then it'll be yours properly.

(There was too much left on the mortgage in my case for this to be a possibility).

So he's paying a small amount currently?

He fully expects 50/50. I would have thought that a judge would laugh him out of court for that presumption?

50/50 for what? The house? That's irrelevant unless you are selling it, which you won't be.

Otherwise you'll make him an offer, based on the current value of the house, to provide for his share in the house.

While this will be large in your case if the equity is really €300k (are you sure?) but worth it as a) you'll have somewhere secure to live (with a deferred order you will have to sell on the agreed date, and you won't get a mortgage so unless you can afford to buy outright ... b) you'll get more equity later on, then you're paying for now c) he won't be able to control you through the property

certainly will not be paying more money to go back to court over and over to seek what's rightfully, the children's expenses .

That's my view too, in part. However it's cost / benefit: if he doesn't pay maintenance, it's worth going back to court. The expenses are a different matter. I was told to let them reach eg €3k & then go back to court

I do not trust that he will pay a cent in maintenance once the ink is dry on the court order

Why wouldn't he, if he's currently paring the mortgage? How much is that?

My ex didn't pay a cent to the mortgage or maintenance of the property for 10 years - still got €90k towards his interest in it.

If he doesn't pay the maintenance, you can start with a solicitor's letter, then threaten court. The court will take a dim view of non-payment & recoup directly from salary / income (I know he's SE so it may be a bit different).

I always think when pay the mortgage instead of maintenence, aren't they basically paying off their own debt (investing in their own equity) so it's not really maintenence.

I will be able to buy him out when the house in which I have a share is sold along with a bit of a loan which I can manage

Just to be clear: you won't be 'buying him out' unless you can get a mortgage in your name for the property. Giving him money doesn't equate to buying him out. He'll still be on the deeds & the bank will not remove him from the mortgage.

However you will agree to indemnify him from any payments & he'll cease any interest in the property, in return for a lump sum.

If you can get a mortgage in your name of course, then that's fine - it will be purely your house, no need for an indemnification.

Is that the court date . Or a motion to proceed

It would be your solicitors filing a motion for a court date (you'll be waiting some time, perhaps months) to proceed with the divorce in the absence of his documentation / representation.

This will very much favour your application.

But, it seems really strange he wouldn't engage, if he's paying a significant amount already & has proposed a settlement.