Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

That’s not the correct use of “victim blaming”

I had the surgery and was not having the issues you are. Perhaps you need to call to find out if you need to go back in. No idea why you said it was fine for him to go away.

He should not have even considered going! What a selfish idiot.

Hope you’re ok. I think if the vomiting continues you should phone for medical advice.

Any adult with a head screwed on right knows that you dont leave anyone, let alone your wife, on their own after an operation. Let alone leave her alone to deal with a dog.

I would be annoyed but not consider as grounds for divorce!
You should also have said no chance I feel rough and need you here!
I have been a lone parent for most of my now adult DC lives and sadly have had many times when I’ve had surgery or been really ill and had no help - it sucks
On the other hand DS (30) has been offered a short notice op in next few weeks and I’ve had to cancel a pre booked weekend away with friends as he has no one who can stay with him for the 48 hours after they have said he will need
Thankfully I’d booked accommodation on free cancellation and nothing else so did not lose any money
OP hope you feel better very soon

How anyone has said that you are being unreasonable is completely beyond me. I don't care if you said it was fine, it's an absolute no go. He should never have asked.

Honestly, if I had a flat mate that had just come out of hospital I wouldn't leave them alone to go out for the night. What kind of partner does this!

If you read OP's updates, though, he's gone to attend a funeral. It's a little bit different to him just fucking off for a jolly.

EDIT: Sorry, he's already attended the funeral and left early to be with OP, and is now catching up with his friend who he only sees twice a year. Still insensitive, but not quite as bad as some are making it out to be, IMO.

He shouldn't have bloody well asked!

That's terrible. I was expecting you to say he was going out for a couple of hours to meet friends or go to football or the gym or something and I was going to say enjoy the quiet and rest. Never in a million years did I imagine he'd leave you overnight.

I don't think you saying it was OK is relevant, he shouldn't even have asked.

I hope you are doing OK and the healing has started.

I thought you were meant to have someone with you for at least the first 24 hours after a GA, just in case of complications.
I understand he was at a funeral during your operation, and I apologise if I have read this wrong and he was with you for the first night, but I really think he should have been with you for that first night home especially, whether he was sat bored on the sofa or not. The fact he hasn't even checked in on you at all would speak volumes to me.
I had keyhole abdominal surgery recently and my dh made sure he was home to take care of everything and took over walking our dog. He has his office in the garden and was even concerned about going up there for a few hours, which I told him I would be fine.

Oh noes! Bored at home! Impossible and heartrending.!

Of course single people have surgery too—but then they make arrangements for aftercare or stay longer in the hospital.

Exactly. He shouldn't have asked.

I don't think there's any point in discussing the specific procedure and how major/minor it is, I've had a few keyhole surgeries and I was unexpectedly in absolute agony the first night with trapped wind in my shoulder from when they put the gas into my stomach, it was almost unbearable. I've had other more major ops that I wasnt in any pain.

I had my gallbladder out a week ago and DH cancelled his plans for the weekend so he would be available - he's normally never around so this was a big deal and greatly appreciated.

TBH I could have coped on my own, but it was a relief to be able to ask him for help now and again. It was reassuring having him there rather than essential. By Monday (day 3) he was back at home and I was alone and I was just about ok.

In fact the dog has probably been the biggest issue for me - not sure I'd have coped with the dog on my own at first.

Bin him.

Who cares what you said? You are visibly snd obviously extremely ill. Presumably you were being sarcastic.

Call someone who will come over and they can look after you and pack his clothes into bin liners.

Better yet, call ILs and ask them to help you since their son is out with his mates.

I missed the bit about the dog - I think if he was going away he should have put the dog into kennels until he was back.

He absolutely should know, no question.

I wouldn’t have told him it was fine though, as it isn’t.

Most of all he shouldn’t have left you responsible for the dog. Without the dog it would still be bloody inconsiderate, but with the dog thrown in it’s really nasty of him.

If he was just going away for a jolly with his mates then I would have said YANBU, but you've said he went for a funeral with a friend he only sees twice a year - I think that's different and puts a slightly different spin on things. You also said it was absolutely fine for him to go.

I think it was okay for him to go under the circumstances but do think he should have set you up in the bedroom with everything you needed first - snacks, water, medication, a kettle etc. for hot drinks so that you could rest as much as possible.

I hope you're feeling better this morning! Take it easy.

I was absolutely fine the day after my cholecystectomy and this would have been OK with me - had it been discussed and agreed, though I would expect him to owe me a big favour. However if you're feeling unwell and in pain I think he should have cancelled. Not very partner-like behaviour. If ut was the other way round what would you have done for him? That said now you've said yes it makes the case a bit more challenging. Do discuss it with him though and make sure he's aware that next time you will expect more TLC!

🤣

But I didn't know at the time I wasn't supposed to do this. Only latterly reading mumsnet did I realise this wasn't what you should do. I'd been walking around the room for hours kicking my heels and waiting to leave (GA at 8am, back in room by 10am, got up and put my contact lenses at 11.30am and nurses gave me discharge documents at 1.30, I was literally waiting to see the consultant so it seemed natural that I'd go down to the car park on my own. It literally didn't occur to me to check.

My point was that I felt a lot better than I had been told I would after a GA, and OP might have felt like that, having previously agreed her DH should go on his trip.

And I can understand why she might have instintively felt it was fine when he put her on the spot.

Who is walking and looking after the dog?

If you're too weak to get out of bed and make a cup of tea, surely someone is coming round to watch the dog? Can they help you?

Your H is a complete arse by the way. He never should have left you and certainly shouldn't have asked you when you're weak to agree to something so unreasonable to give himself a get out clause.

Not everyone is good at communication after surgery especially if taking opioid painkillers. He shouldn't have asked.

I would have been fine letting DH go, but I would not be happy with the lack of checking in.

I would be really upset if DH did that. The fact that he asked is irrelevant because how would you know whether you would be alright by yourself? He shouldn't have asked in the first place as it clearly made you feel pressurised to say yes which is very unfair.