Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

The op has said she could see in her head him sitting at home resenting her if she said no. Their marriage clearly has bigger problems than this one event, significant as it is. Op, does he ever play the support role? Prioritise you?

I think when they let you out they ask if you have another adult to watch you for 24/48 hrs incase you have a delayed reaction to general?

He’s a selfish bell end for asking. End of thread.

He asked, you said fine. Would he have stayed if you had said “No.”?

Well, there are plenty of snacks that don't require a fridge.

You clearly think he was in the wrong and that's fine, but others would be absolutely fine on their own as long as their partners' had planned some bits in advance.

I wouldn't expect (or want) DH to stay home with me. I would, however, expect him to sort out our dog and make sure I had everything I needed nearby before he left.

bibblebobbles · Today 01:05

I actually think this is fine. He'd be bored at home with me being sick, and plenty of single people have this surgery”

”Bored”? F**king hell.

I expect they already have a kettle and fridge, it’s getting to it that’s the problem. Not sure you’d relocate the fridge easily. Hes just a selfish fucker who deliberately chose not to prioritise his wife because if he made sure he didn’t think about what level of shit he is being, he could go have fun.

He asked, you said it’s fine.

End of thread.

Oh the chill wives are here to tell us they have no needs so no one else should either. They are the four Yorkshiremen sketch of female discussions “I gave birth without anesthetic and crawled to the desk to give my presentation at the same time! I prefer it!”

I did say up-thread that I would expect him to leave her with snacks, a kettle, access to water and medication, and to put the dog in kennels. It's in my post at 11.36.

Have we reached peak Mumsnet yet?

Surely nobody prefers to be stuck without being able to even make themselves a cup of tea, with a fucking dog to look after when they have an able bodied husband. There is a galaxy width difference between ‘leaving someone alone to recover’ and ‘fucking off hours away’

I would suggest that the reason the op ok'd the trip was that she was blindsided, couldn't properly process what he was asking because its unthinkable that your partner would abandon you when you just had a general anaesthetic and an operation!!
She couldn't process it properly and defaulted to 'obeying the male'.
Is it possible that he knew about this long before he told you @StonyMum ?

I agree - but I don't think he needs to be in the home with her to do that. Lots of people (myself included) prefer to be left alone when they're unwell or feeling rubbish - if DH was faffing around at home all day, it would drive me insane lol.

I don't think asking if he could go was the crime it's being made out to be, but I also don't think OP should have said it was okay when it quite clearly wasn't.

I also did say upthread also that the dog should have been put in kennels if he was going to be away after the operation (or in general, really, to make things as easy as possible for everyone).

Unbelievably selfish of him

She obviously didn't foresee how she would be

But normally you need someone with you 24hours after a GA

I hate the idea of being looked after so I would not expect my dp to stay at home with me. But , I also wouldn’t expect him to go away overnight when there’s a dog in the mix. Who is going to walk him while your husband is gone as you can’t be expected to. Hopefully your vomiting has subsided now and was due to the anaesthetic. It if isn’t improving, It’s worth getting yourself checked over.

I divorced my husband for this reason he showed me exactly where i was in the pecking order

Next time hes ill just leave him to rot

Oh! He’s “catching up with a friend? Who he only sees twice a year? That excuses everything! there are no phones or facetimes on the far side of the moon or the Antarctic station where his friend is stationed so naturally he has to go back for the wake after the funeral for a long chat.

Jeez, I would not be happy with that! Hope you're feeling better soon op - had my gallbladder out last year and it was pretty miserable (obviously I'm not as brave as the PP who had no pain...)

Even if he was going to a funeral I'd expect him to put his living wife first.

Report on our local tv news of an elderly lady falling in street, 7 hr wait for an ambulance. Neighbours and passers by worked out a rota to stay with her so she wasn't alone during the wait. Sort of puts the husband's attitude in a bad light doesn't it.

You said it was fine… Most men need to be told, in my experience. I just think they compartmentalise things.

He's a twat. When I got sick last year my husband, who was working abroad could of come home, end of his contract, just finishing up and tarting around but he didn't. I was sick as in admitted to hospital through a and E, really quite unwell. Discharged with meds and feeling like shit. He got home a week later. I haven't ever forgiven him and I don't think I ever will.