Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

He asked if you minded and you said 'I'll be fine'. More fool you SORRY but straight from the heart. He is a bastard to have gone though, I'll give you that. Since it's only 2 hrs drive away, can't you phone and ask him to come back?

There must be something in the water this month bit major dick alert, horrible behaviour and I would give him what for. So selfish.

Unfortunately people are selfish and they dont want to see past their nose

Regardless of how insensitive it was he's not a mind reader. He asked, you said it was fine so he took you at your word.

Personally at this point I would call him and tell him how ill you are and ask him to come home

This. There are some questions designed to have women choose between being mugs and being bitches. They almost always start, "do you mind if I...". And end with,

...go on a three week stag to Thailand
...leave you sick and recovering to meet my mates
...get a lap dance
...stay over at my exes house
...leave all the housework and go to my hobby
...leave all the childcare to you (see above)

The correct answers to these questions range from:

"Yeah, right" to "what you do think?". I don't know where they are trained to ask these questions, and where women are trained to go against their own needs to facilitate men's wants, but here we are.

I wouldn't feel the same way about my DH if he did something like that to me. I had surgery just over 2 weeks ago. A bit more extensive than what you had but DH didn't leave my side for a whole week and did everything for me as I was so weak and sore. I didn't have to lift a finger to cook, clean etc and he gave me blood thinning injections each night, pain killers every few hours and kept a close eye on wounds etc (I'm squeamish as fuck so didn't want to look).

id ask him to bring loads of stuff upstairs before he leaves and tell him to have a nice time.
People recover from this surgery when they’re alone. They manage and you’ll manage.

If you'd had my reaction to my gallbladder removal he'd have been fine to go as I didn't have any issues, but in this case he should cancel on his mates.

I'm having an operation on Thursday and DH is already treating me with kid gloves with what's happening afterwards.

Sorry - but you said it was fine. Men take these things literally.

A decent man wouldn't have asked

The fact he even asked is just awful

That's the whole point though,

Husband "can I go and leave you after the operation and have a night out, even though I'm old enough to know better, should have matured enough to know it's unkind and detrimental to our relationship and maybe your health, going forward, and if you do say no, I'm going to sulk and tell my friend on you and he will say you're a controlling bitch for keeping me at home, boo hoo".

Take yer pick wifey cause I want a good time and I don't really give a shit about you or your health.

Ps, I will completely forget this has happened when next time I am ill, and will fully expect your unconditional support.

Signed.
The man.

@StonyMum I hope you're recovering better today?

I voted YABU because he asked you if it was ok and you said it was. You had a perfect opportunity to say actually no, I don't think that would be great or fair to me considering I had surgery yesterday.

He's an arse for even considering it and asking, but you gave him the green light so you can't now be upset by it. If my OH had said that the day after I'd had surgery (he never would!) I'd have ripped him a new arsehole not said it was fine.

What do you mean?

Are we married to the same person?
Mine is exactly the same.
I'm getting out, life it too short for these sorts of people to be in our lives.
I've left it too long, but I'm now strong enough to leave.
Hope you're okay.

People pretty much always end up doing what they want to do. They always find a reason, justification, excuse.

In our marriage, if something like hospitalisation and many other things had come up - we tended to discuss the impact on the family, like getting the kids to school. But neither of us would consider buggering off, when the other was ill or needed assistance.

However, we always had strong family routines: Homework, cooking times, bath and bedtimes.

You pretty much know, when one of you is sick, what has to be done and who needs to fill in doing what.

I'm all for routines and making sure the basics are done.

However, next generation are more fluid and with more support. You can order in food, if needed, so no one needs to cook.

It's a safe bet if your wife is in bed for a couple days - do you really need to be there? Has anyone thought that through? Or is it just assumed ill person will be binge box watching films and TV series?

OMG what a shit husband! I'd be SO angry & upset. BUT why did you agree to it??

I've also had my gallbladder removed & you shouldn't be vomiting - call the aftercare tel. no. the hospital gave you.

Sorry - but you said it was fine. Men take these things literally.

To be honest when I'm ill or unwell I like to be on my own.

It's actually 24 to 48 hours that's been recommended

It's my understanding that OP had the surgery the previous day and her husband didn't leave until the next afternoon so was with her overnight?

A friend has this done recently and was quite unwell afterwards. I would have asked my DH to stay at home. I would have done that for him too.

I'm single with a 13 year old and waiting for a date for a procedure under a general and if I can't find an adult to stay at mine for the night I've got to stay in hospital as you need to have someone with you

My husband left me in bed with our new born first child on the day I came home from hospital to go to the pub for the night. I was beyond hurt.

He did ask...

I'm in the majority though & when I'm feeling rubbish I really prefer just being home alone. So I'd have definitely said yes to my OP. Speak to him about when he's back OP & let him know how it made you feel.

Selfish Chuck him out