Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

He shouldn’t have asked you if it was ok - that was disingenuous because now he can say - well you agreed. It should never have been a plan in the first place - outrageous that this was ever in his mind. I would be furious.

That he would even ask the question is out of order. He knows his wife is unwell and recovering from surgery. Sorry OP. Now you know ' in sickness and in health' means nothing to him. Hope you feel better soon.

I thought you were gonna say something minor like a toenail removal or something

Your fucking gall bladder?

Good point. I love pigs Soz

Enough of the animal slurs 🙄

I think you should message him ‘the truth is I was too shocked to say I minded because on what planet does a caring husband even ask his wife who has just had surgery can he fuck off out with mates a couple of hours away?? I don’t want to see you, or hear from you, possibly ever again. If we stay together you had better not need any support of any kind for the foreseeable future as I shall promptly take a leaf out of your caring spouse book and fuck off to amuse myself.’

that sounds a very reasonable message. Can you go to stay with anyone to recover? I would really like other people in your life to know he can do this.

YABU to say you were fine with it when you obviously were not

Saying that he is very much lacking in any emotional intelligence if he thought this was a good idea

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. He's a twat.

However, you definitely shouldn't have said it was fine.

Grounds for divorce.

My DH wouldn't have done that - he'd have been too worried about the dog😉

Get well soon OP.

OP, he should have the wit to know that you might be feeling vulnerable right now & it's not the time to abandon you or request you to agree to him abandoning you. Would be less bad if it was just you but to leave you responsible for the dog is crappy.

Hope you're feeling better soon 💐

I actually think this is fine. He'd be bored at home with me being sick, and plenty of single people have this surgery

This is awful what he's done. I had to Google what is involved and tbh I'm quite shocked that he has left you alone so soon.

I'm assuming because you had the surgery he was well aware of the side effects and what is involved in recovery.

This isn't right....he should be home minding you, leaving a drink and snacks is something you do when popping out for a few hours and leaving a dog. He really should be there ensuring that you're ok , you shouldn't be going up and down stairs for the dog.

He asked and you told him it was fine?

When he asked, that was the time to say no, I need you here.

Hope your feeling better quickly

There might be other stuff going on here that you haven’t mentioned, in which case, take this with a pinch of salt:

While I think someone with grown up kids in uni ought to know that GA surgery requires aftercare, I don’t think it’s grounds for divorce if they don’t. He didn’t go running off, he checked in with you and you said it was fine.

Not being honest and straightforward about your needs leads to a lot of heart ache in a relationship. Expecting someone to just know if they have no experience is not great, expecting them to see through you lying and telling them you’re fine when you aren’t is a bit unreasonable. And if it was an instinctive reaction because you were in shock, that suggests you fell back on habit and are generally not honest about your needs in your relationship.

Wa as it keyhole or open? I don't think you should be feeling like that adter keyhole surgery.i had mine removed as a daycare and was only sleepy afterwards, no pain or illness??

He's got some gall(bladder). 🤣

That's a really selfish thoughtless and hurtful thing to do to you when you are so poorly . Having had a few surgeries myself, I now realise how lucky I was that my husband booked days off work to care for me . Does he always put himself first ? Sorry you are feeling crappy and being left alone to deal with it all

Absolutely YANBU!! I had surgery on Wednesday and one of the conditions to being allowed home was having someone there to look after me, did the hospital not ask you this? I gave my DP a glare for suggesting he go for a haircut today while he was meant to be supporting me nevermind an overnight trip and a night out! This is shocking, my procedure was minor but I still can’t bend over, lift things or move comfortably and am constantly worrying about my wounds so can only imagine you feel 😩

OP shouldn’t have needed to discuss that!It should be obvious to her husband that she would need care on discharge from hospital!

Another selfish man,what a surprise.! Leaving her alone with a dog to look after.I wouldn’t have said that I didn’t mind though,big mistake.

But why on God's earth did you say it was fine OP?!

And why do so many posters do this whole 'he should know' act too?! OP is an adult, she should flipping well say when she is not happy about something!!!!!

He's being a knob, but you said it was fine (rather than the more appropriate incredulous laugh and 'are you fucking kidding me') so I'm in two minds.

Should he be going? Absolutely not, should you have told him it's ok? Absolutely not

Sorry, I misread! He left you alone one day after surgery to go on a jolly! That's dreadful. I'd be seriously considering the marriage, tbh.

He’s a selfish pig

He asked you and you said fine..