Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

So selfish of him to even ask and he should want to be there to make sure you are ok and looked after in case you had any adverse delayed reaction or infection. I would have said no but this would be a big thing for me and would change totally how I feel about him and the relationship, respect would be gone and would be thinking do I really want a future with a man who does not care or even think about anyone but himself. Hope you are feeling ok.

Well, as I have been waiting 8 months just to see a surgeon I don't imagine the op will be for a long time yet!

I don't have anyone to come and stay with me so will just have to deal with it. I'm well used to looking after myself when I'm ill.

I hope you are soon feeling much better 💐

This was my concern too, I was up and about the next day & my DH went to work.

Reading your second post YABU, you discussed it prior and then said it's fine? The you're not happy as you're not fine?

He shouldn't have asked in the first place but I'm guessing he doesn't know how much you are struggling. I wouldn't hold it over him as you said fine. But I would message and say you are struggling to get out of bed can't make food/drinks. Can he come back as quickly as possible please.

I’d be angry and upset that he even asked. Plenty of us have friends we don’t see regularly because of life/chores/work/illness getting in the way.

I was really poorly after the same op. In hospital for 4 days and needed 2 blood transfusions. I was then in agony at home for a few days whilst the gas moved around my abdomen and organs started to shift about. So it may be a fairly common procedure, but it’s invasive.

For those saying that single people manage post-op alone… that’s not the point when OP is married. She’s got a partner, who should be doing the heavy lifting when she can’t.

Yeap. I like that

Of course she said yes out of shock

If I actually needed him I would have asked him to stay but 'you need too say just because' then no I would no have problems with him going, same if it was reversed

What is the point in victim blaming?

Not ok!

He shouldn’t have asked you in the first place

A funeral is still not an excuse to go away during your surgery. I wasn’t able to make one a few weeks ago because I had recently given birth. Many funerals are live streamed now.

And yes PP makes a good point about you possibly not thinking straight due to GA staying your body. I couldn’t even figure out how to open my front door after my GA.

A question op - did you discuss the procedure and aftercare plan with him?

I booked days off work to help both my DH and DM after they surgery. I also live far away from most of my friends and this is also no excuse.

Awful that he’s not texting you to check you’re ok. Is he aware there is a risk of infection after any surgery?

I’d be having an honest conversation with him about how he’s behaved and that you are considering divorce.

You'll need to find someone to be there to bring you home and at least 24 hours after the surgery.

OP I wasn't surprised you mentioned other unpleasant behavior on his part, how can he resent caring for you ? Does he contribute to your life in any positive way ? Do you do a lot for him ?

YANBU, but it's quite marginal. You did tell him it was OK, and obviously he was going to jump at the chance to go if you let him. He should've known better though.

No not ok and the vomiting not ok.

You can't guilt trip him after you said it was fine. After abdominal surgery you should be cared for and on complete bed rest. So you ahould have told.him.he needs to do everything at home for the first 7days if not more.

So you discussed him going before your surgery and you were fine with it as long as you were feeling ok.

Then he checked with you, that you were still ok with him going and you said you were.

I think he shouldn’t have gone. But I think you should have been honest and told him you weren’t well enough for him to go.

I get before surgery you not realising how crap you would feel. But he checked if you were well enough for him go and you said yes.

It sounded like he dropped it in you out of the blue. But he didn’t. He did what he said he would. Check you were ok before going. Why did you assume, he wouldn’t go. When you you both planned for him to go, depending on how you felt and you told him you felt well enough for him to go.

Ps. You shouldn't have said it was fine, I missed that in your OP. You're a grown up and should be able to advocate for your own care needs.

I would be very very cross.
I had a scope under sedation not so long ago and DH was more or less by my side and did more or less all household and childcare duties for 48 hours.

I was just about to say that I am hoping to have my gallbladder removed sometime in the future, and I live alone and will have to cope by myself as well as feed my demanding cat.

He shouldn't have asked and he should be there but he did ask you said he didn't mind.

So just don't think grounds for divorce but I'd be hurt too.

Feel better soon

I had my gallbladder out 17 days ago. It may be a relatively common procedure, but it's still major surgery! You're in pain for several days to a week afterwards and you need someone there for you. My DH stayed home to take care of me - bringing me meals in bed, doing all the cooking for the family and generally being supportive. I think it's awful that your DH left you.

You probably didn't say no to him because you were still full of anaesthetic and painkillers and therefore not able to think clearly. The meds stay in your body for days after the op.

I hope your recovery goes smoothly. You're not meant to do any lifting or housework, remember! (Another reason your DH should be at home with you).

Of course he shouldn't have gone but why on earth did you say it was ok?!
I had my gall bladder out about a decade ago. A day after I was struggling hugely with moving between lying, sitting and standing. I was ok when still but if I need to get up to go to the toilet or anything it was incredibly painful. As was the post surgery gas as it moved up to my shoulders.
I live by myself so my dad stayed with me for a few days post op. If I'd had to cope alone I'd have found a way with a lot of prep, I'm sure, but it would have been a big struggle and wouldn't have felt particularly safe in case any the went wrong.
If this is standard behaviour for him you need a big conversation and you both need to communicate better.

This is outrageous.

Text Dh and say you stunned by his question and should never have said yes - but he should never have asked. And that you expect him home first thing.

How long did the hospital say you needed supervising / caring for? I bet it was longer than 24 hours

If he's not at yours at 8am I would call in reinforcements - does a neighbour or nearby relative have a key? If so request them to come over, let the dog out, and bring you a cup of tea and something to eat. Let him be embarrassed that you needed this.

How far away are your kids? Could one of them pop back tomorrow to make sure you're OK?

I'm speechless - which is rare!
So quoting another poster instead!

Aside from all this, you shouldn't be vomiting - as per a PP