Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

I think that most considerate men, partners or husbands, would realise without being told that their partner would need to have someone with them for the first night after being discharged from hospital after major surgery. (I'm quite surprised the hospital didn't make it clear to him -- perhaps they did but he chose to ignore it.)
He sounds incredibly selfish, could the visit to his friend not have been postponed for afew days/weeks?
However, you said it was fine and I'm afraid there's no going back from that. Even if you argue that you were not quite compos mentis at the time he will just whine say ....but you said it was fine....
He was a shit to even ask.

Not up to OP to say it’s fine or not. Up to husband to read the situation and not even ask!!

He gets the get out of jail free card because he asked. OP gets blamed for saying it was fine 🙄.

No caring partner ever leaves the other after surgery and GA. And you’ve been vomiting? He sounds like a catch.

Hope you’re ok.

Hubby reading over my shoulder and said your husband is a selfish dick and you should kick him out, but your first mistake was saying it's fine - You should have said, "No! You thoughtless arsehole! I've just had surgery! Are you slow!?"

I know I’m too late to post this. OP I hope you are feeling better. I think DH should have re-thought things without you having to do that mental lifting. But the sickness worries me. As someone who ignored a sepsis til almost too late, I hope you’ve got better or got medical health.

Oh OP. Its nice of you to put in a defence for him but, Ireland is hardly far away is it ? Nor expensive to get a flight to. He could have arranged a trip over when you were back on your feet. Or asked the friend to come down to him whilst he was over, so that you weren't alone overnight.
As for the people who berated you and blamed you for saying it was fine that he went......He clearly knew OP couldn't manage the stairs - he left food and water close to her. And he knows they have a dog.
So yes, it was bad that he went.
Hope you are feeling a bit better today OP, and that he made a fuss of you when he got back.

Quite and she chose the path of least resistance, some posters saying she should have told him not to go and give him what for.

I doubt she was up for the argument or the sulking coming from him by being denied an evening out.

No she chose the I can't believe you even asked you selfish, uncaring shite, I might as well be on my own.

Wait till I'm better.....

He's fucked it, but then again I don't think he's bothered.

Op I suggest you don't do anything for him, he doesn't care so why should you.

She hadn't just had surgery though so not the same thing.

I wish it was true. Aunt in her late 80s, advanced dementia, hospital promised to let me know when she was being discharged so I could make sure house was warm, food in and carers visit restarted. I phoned to ask for an update and they said she was in a taxi they had provided and on her way home. I asked if she had meds with her (she couldn't be responsible for them due to dementia but on the other hand they were needed when she got home so either answer was bad) unfortunately they didn't know.

I got the impression that the nurses and doctors on the ward weren't interested in someone with dementia but the fact remains dementia, mental illness, addiction, sufferers are as entitled to care and treatment as anyone else so they might need to be on a surgical ward.

OP I hope your recovery is going well.

The OP explained that she was taken off guard hence her reply saying she’d be fine.
It takes little wit to realise that if your partner has just had surgery, a decent human being will stay by their side rather than going out enjoying yourself.
It would make me look at my partner n a different light, and not a flattering one.

Yes, the taxi driver can't be expected to take responsibility for people being discharged from hospital.

I'd have to ask his father if he could stay at his for the night, luckily I've got a very good friend who's going to stay with me

I think many who are asking why you said you were fine with it have perhaps never experienced the shock to the system that major surgery is, or the after effects of general anesthesia. There's a reason they tell you not to drive or make big decisions right after surgery.

The day I was discharged after my GB was removed, exMIL asked me to take care of DD who needed a nappy change. She had come to 'help' but her definition of help and mine didn't have much in common. I was so out of it that I didn't say a thing, just saw to little DD, and it nearly killed me.

OP, it's concerning that you're sure your H would have sat sulking in the sitting room if you had spoken up. When you recover, selfishness, callousness, and sulking on his part need to be confronted.

Presumably they sent you home from the hospital on the basis that you would have someone there to help you in the post op days.

Maybe call him and tell him the joke has gone on too long so he needs to come home. Tell him you have no recollection of saying yes, go, because you were off your tits on medication.

If I were his friends I'd be appalled and completely mortified that he had left you

Call your doctor about the vomiting. (It's probably related to the anesthesia). You don't want to pop stitches. They can give you medication to control it. But you'll need someone to fetch it if they prescribe it, and stay with you after you've taken it.

He needs to come to his senses and get home.

I've had my GB out. You need him home.

Hope you’re doing a bit better, OP.
I live alone, and after surgery to remove my appendix, I got a friend to come stay for a couple nights. She went to work, but was around in the evenings, and made dinner/kept me company/fetched and helped me out a bit. Do you have someone who could come stay, watch movies, and get a takeout or something, together?
take care

I agree. Hospitals get people up and moving as soon as possible after any surgery, complete bed rest is not advised at all.

What happens with kids in that case if you have no one to have them?

Not sure on the complete bed rest. I had a radical hysterectomy which is much bigger abdominal surgery and the hospital insisted that I was up and walking within a few hours of operation. And told me about moving regularly as laying in bed can cause dangerous blood clots

Can’t you medicate to avoid the vomiting? I had a similar operation and was given ondansetron and prochlorperazine. Good medication should ensure you are pretty comfortable.

Hard to know really. Every op is different and leaves people feeling able to do - or not do - different things. I had a C-section 15 years ago and was able to do almost everything within a week or two - other people take longer to recover or have complications. Nothing is black and white.

I do feel as your DH asked and you said it was fine, he probably had no reason to think otherwise? I hope that if you had said you weren't well enough, he would have stayed home? But as you didn't (and I'm not saying it's your fault, just what it was at the time.....) - I don't think he can be blamed for not realising you needed more support. Any of us who haven't had experience of ops and hospitals, might not get it either.....??

Why would he even ask you? It’s so bloody obvious that leaving you alone the day and night after surgery is ridiculous and selfish that anyone with common sense wouldn’t even entertain the idea. So what if you said ‘it’s fine’ you’ve just had surgery and may still be a bit ‘not with it’ he should have even entertained the idea in his head let alone let it escape his mouth!

But she’s not alone.
So shouldn’t have to manage.
In fact it’s worst than being on her own as her husband is demonstrating a total lack of care for her. And that is utterly shit.

Correct!

My ex's best mate went to the pub the day after his gf had a c-section. I'm not a mum, but I thought that was mad - they had two kids and she'd had a major op. I told ex and he told me off for "not being relaxed" and she was happy about it as she was the only one able to breastfeed anyway. Anyway, we broke up because I got really ill, he was really shit, I flagged and he was shocked "I wasn't chilled about his behaviour [like best mate's girlfriend]." That's what he wanted, and if I had been less gobby we might well still be together. Genuinely, maybe some of these women are happy with this sort of dynamic as his mate's partner honestly seemed fine with him f*ing off to the pub.