To be pissed about doing all the driving?

I would just make sure that his lack of driving was as inconvenient as possible for him.

So I'd drive myself and the DC around places, and he could come if he wanted. I would not ever give him a single lift anywhere he needed to go, unless I needed to go there too. He can make his own way to shops, nights out, friends, family.

It's his choice to not drive, and so he will have to take public transport. That's what happens if you can't ferry yourself somewhere.

You are married to a petulant teenager.

It's one thing for him not to drive, quite another for him to expect you to drive him around. He needs to start getting the train, bus, etc.

YANBU. The stonewalling would drive me crazy.

I definitely wouldn’t drive him to his parents ever again tbh. He can get the train if he won’t even try to learn to drive.

Do you really have no idea why he won’t take the lessons? Is he a big drinker?

I'd get shot of him, tbh

My parents (1.5hrs away) are looking after kids for the week. I am dropping them off and picking them up. At the end of the week he now wants me to drive to his mums (2hrs away) and back, because ‘it’s not fair’ on his mum that she won’t get to see them.

Haha no. He takes them to his mum. Or arranges it. You do nothing

Has he been diagnosed with something he is keeping from you? Or needs glasses and won't admit it.. Long shot.. Prob just a lazy twat..

I wanted to take my kids to see my parents this half term. I didn't want to drive even though I can (couldn't face 7 hours of driving myself and DH had to work so couldn't share driving). I took the train, or to be precise 4 trains and a bus! There's no way I would ever expect DH to drive us there. I wanted to take them so I did. Don't understand why your DH is relying on you driving everyone there. Has he not heard of public transport?

Therapy. Couples therapy at the least. The therapist won’t let him escape.

He can take the train to take the kids to his mums, whilst you have a couple days to yourself.

This would majorly piss me off, without any valid reason why he won’t learn (unless you live in a city centre with amazing public transport). The money wasted on not-taken lessons due to him being dishonest about the topic would also!

The not driving, the failure to discuss/be honest about it, and the expectation that you will take him places would be a deal breaker for me.

@Viewsaremyown the trends are maybe more learned than inherited?

You know OP. We dint have to tell you. He didn't get to volunteer your time. Ever. If he wants to go to his mums then he finds a solution. That solution isn't volunteering your time and services. That's not how adulting works

As usual, the first answer nails it.

Is he banned from driving and you just don’t know it (ie it happened before you met)?

At the end of the week he now wants me to drive to his mums (2hrs away) and back, because ‘it’s not fair’ on his mum that she won’t get to see them.

Yep, things won’t go just the way you want them when you decide to be totally reliant on someone else giving you lifts.

What have you said to him, @Viewsaremyown ?

He needs to arrange for his mum to see the kids if that’s what they want. And not inviting her to stay when he’s away for weeks on end either!

I also know several couples where one or the other does not drive. Like someone in a couple deciding to be a SAHP- it is a joint decision. The main thing is to stand your ground and not be coerced into unnecessary and tiring trips. I think the option is easier living in an urban area with good transport links

My other half doesn't drive. He has a license as passed his test at 17 and barely driven since. It used to bother me but I just have firm boundaries now. We live in a city and so he will take kids places on train /bus if I am not going. I just say no to trips when I think it will be too tiring for me. I think you need to accept he won't ever learn to drive and live accordingly. You need to get your DH to be independent and put your foot down and say no for unnecessary trips

😲😲

He isn't treating you with much respect.

I would be contemplating moving nearer your parents.

Why do people keep buying him lessons if he's obviously not interested though? Seems a bit odd to spend that much, it's trying to guilt trip him. Agree you shouldn't drive to his mums though - that's his problem to solve.

I'm not. Have 24 hour public transport where I live. Not London either.

Or they live somewhere they don't need to drive. It's normal for people in London to not have cars.

(Though I'd also not have gone and had kids with someone who refused to do the driving lessons I'd paid for -in fact even wasting the lesson present would have been enough for me to ditch that person for being massively rude)

This.

I'm a lone parent who doesn't drive through choice. I've accepted that means I've had to organise our lives around that. He needs to understand that if he particularly wants to do something then he needs to use public transport rather than default to you.

It’s selfish and lazy to not learn to drive and expect the partner to do all the driving.
p.s it gets worse as children get into teenage years too. Picking them up after work, late after parties, dropping places early etc. if that all falls on you you will get more resentful. He needs to learn to drive!

@Viewsaremyown - it doesn't sound as though he adds much positives to your life - or the lives of your children, frankly. Can you see staying with him for the next few decades with him taking the mickey like this at the same time as he's being so incredibly disrespectful to you? 🌹

I’d be saying no to the extra driving. Tough if it’s not fair. He needs to learn to drive, can’t believe he’s wasted people’s money not learning. I have a friend whose husband refuses to learn and it’s all on her, the dropping off / picking up. That would really frustrate me. He’s being selfish and no way I’d drive 2hrs extra after dropping and picking up.