Best friend not inviting my daughter to her daughters birthday party

So do you invite all your friends to everything you organise?

It’s perfectly OK to want a party with a subset of people. It really doesn’t sound like your DD is being deliberately excluded - she just isn’t a classmate of the other DD.

I have a close friend whose child I'd quite like to have invited to DD's last party- mainly as I wanted to invite my friend too - they've spent time together since birth, and she does like him but not as much as her other friends. My daughter (who is about this age) specifically said she didn't want to invite him and only wanted friends from school - it was a small themed party only about 8 in total. It was very much my daughter's choice (both the type of party and the invitees) and I think at this age it really should be their choice, not their parents. Our only rule is that she can't invite the whole class and not 1 or 2 in the class as that is unfair, but if she's only inviting a few children, then she can choose who she wants.

I would question how enjoyable it would be for your daughter if the birthday girl is the only one she'll know and the rest are classmates. Not a lot of fun, I wouldn't think.

DD10 has a bestie from baby days and I’m really close with her mum. From about age 7 they celebrate separately to their “school” friend party. Usually we have a day out. They both chatted and decided it’s awkward trying to mix friend groups (it was hilarious, they sounded so serious).
it has nothing to do with our friendship, we love them and spend time with them lots.

But then the mum ( if she was a true friend) should just say that ? It’s not difficult is it ? Is that not what friends do?

Are the girls good friends? If not the YABU.

age 8 and above we only invited a few friends, will your daughter know anyone else apart from birthday girl?

But they are . Read the posts.

You are clearly saying they are friends and are close . So yes I would be upset as well . And if it was because your DD would not know the other children there , then your friend should have explained or asked you how your DD would feel if she was concerned about that . That’s what I am sure you would have done . I would be cooling the friendship a bit tbh . It sounds like bad manners to me .

I really wouldn’t worry as we made that exact move around 7. Before that age, we always had friends kids to our parties (from outside of school). Then we decided class friends come first as they spend most of the week together and we could squeeze outside friends kids in if anyone dropped out and they were free that weekend (obviously wouldn’t expect them to definately come at very short notice).

This is very common and kids generally have their school friends to parties from the middle of primary school. Its usually outside friends for the younger years/pre-school.

You are friends but your children may not be. I would personally not try and feel too upset about it. I don’t think your friend has deliberately left her out for any reason other than the children aren’t friends probably outside of your close relationship

My kid didn’t invite their out of school best friend to mix with their school friends.

They felt it was too socially awkward.

As many others have said, they are at the age where parties often become school friends only. DS has several very close friends outside of school, people we see regularly and holiday with, but his birthday party was school friends only. Mixing groups can be difficult and he was worried about his other friends not knowing anyone so it was simpler to go school only.

It can sting a bit, but at this age birthdays tend to become more about their friends at school rather than antenatal/family connections. They're just different types of friendships. Although I understand it might hurt, I wouldn't let it get you down long term. Enjoy your friendship and let the girls have theirs.

@Mummybearto3bg

I would assume that it is a party for school friends.

If your daughter attended, she would not know any of the children. She would want to stay by her friend’s side the whole time wouldn’t she?

A year younger can also be a bit of a gap at that age, and the friend may not want to feel as though she is babysitting her pal at her own birthday party, unable to go off and mix with her school peers. That doesn’t seem fair or fun.

I think that if it is a class party, then the friend has not left your daughter out at all. Your daughter isn’t in her class. I agree with a pp that this is a life stage and a learning curve.

Don’t be that mother who expects other children to be your child’s forever friend. Children are individuals and can and will make their own choices.

I think if your friend's daughter would be the only one your dd knew at the party then your friend may have been worried about your dd being left out because all the others knew each other. Less magnanimously I'd think she didn't want her dd to be tied to yours for the length of the party as she'd assumed due to her additional needs your dd wouldn't have been able to just get stuck in/make friends on a first meeting.

I'm really not sure what I'd do or say about it though.

Is your dd aware she has missed out @Mummybearto3bg?

It sounds like this is a party for school friends - this is fine. I think you need to separate your friendship from your daughters friends. I spent lots of time with my parents friends children. For the most part, I haven't maintained contact with them. This fine and normal.

I can understand why you feel a bit hurt but some people leave it entirely up to the child to invite who they want. I wouldn't take it personally.

We tend to have a rule where we don’t mix school and non school friends. Because it’s not fair on the non school friend who knows nobody bar the birthday child. Unless it was a groups of children so say football club and school but we wouldn’t invite one lone child to a party where they would be confronted with 29 children they don’t know.

your not unreasonable to wonder why the lie though, unless maybe deep down you know your friend knows you’d react badly.

Also maybe despite getting along perfectly fine the other child feels they spend enough time with your daughter and want a little distance.

I think you might be thinking the other girl loves going to your daughter’s parties because she always did when they were little.
In the last year or two, the other girl will have become more socially aware and will want to just have school friends at her party.
Its ok that your daughter isn’t invited but it’s not ok for the other child’s mother to lie to you. I think she’s not the friend you think she is.

Your daughter wouldn’t know any of the other kids and may have felt a bit left out though

So just to be clear, there's not an unwritten rule that means you always invite your besties daughter because they are also besties?

I think class parties tend to be just that as then the children know each other. Celebrations can be done another time with a bestie in a different class or school.

I don’t see anything wrong with what has happened and don’t think your child having sen has anything to do with it.

When I've invited non-school friends to a mainly school friends party, it's been quite stressful trying to make the non-school friend isn't lonely or bored. The party kid can get a bit stressed (unconsciously) trying to keep everyone happy. It's often easier to keep parties to school only and do something separate with other friends. I wouldn't read too much into it.

It sounds like it's a school class party. Therefore your DD might get ignored as nobody will know her except your friend's DD.
If they were in the same small primary school then yeah maybe, as sometimes different classes mix.

Why do people have to stop making a point because you disagree with it?

And why is it rubbish?

I don't think it's very kind of you to tell other posters that their point of view are absolute rubbish.

Why do you think the OP's dd isn't invited?

And where do you draw the line with party numbers? There has to be some limit.