For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

I’m a little envious if I’m honest because I’m far too much of a mouse and a doormat, and problematically conflict avoidant.

But then, as I was thinking about why that might be, I remembered being a small child with my df, who could also talk himself into violent confrontations. And I can still feel small ripples of that visceral terror of being a helpless child watching from the sidelines. So I think my Mama Bear protective instincts tend towards flight and fawn rather than fight.

It’s a funny thing when adrenaline kicks in. And it’s not something that’s easily predicted in advance.

But sometimes it’s not the situation itself we react to, but our own self-talk that fans the flame. Psychologists have a concept called attribution error about how we think about our own and others mistakes. We tend to view our own mistakes with nuance and understanding but assume other people do things for simplistic reasons - because of character flaws, for instance.

So it’s easy to see him walking away, as arrogance/ indifference. But it could also have been embarrassment. He could have been shocked at the near miss. He could have been afraid of your reaction.

I don’t think I’m qualified to advise you on the right amount of confrontation because my perception is skewed. But I do know it’s damaging for children to witness their parents brawling. And it’s obvious you want to modify your reaction. So my suggestion is to practice looking for the softest explanation when something goes wrong.

Can you point out the insult please?

I'm exactly like you OP. I've gotten in some situations that haunt me to this day. But why should you be silent. I know how you are feeling right now. Put a nice film on and get some chocolate and take deep breaths. They aren't worth you upsetting yourself.

Don't patronise me. You listen carefully as you've contradicted yourself. I'm not putting words in your mouth. The OP and the receptionist were pushed. Yes things got heated and sounds like faults on both sides but no need for assault. I was asking you the question, hence the question mark at the end.

I'm not talking about the person minding their own business. I'm talking about the two people the man assaulted.

Why are you resorting to insults? Ironic that you're accusing the OP of being aggressive. Your most recent reply to me is full of aggression. Could you not have written your reply without the aggression?

@ginasevern yes you are quite right injustice would be a more accurate description.

The first comment relates to the beginning of the sequence of events.

The second comment relates to the end of the sequence of events.

You are quoting me out of context. I am speaking to different posters about different occurrences and timings.

The man did nothing to merit the OP acting so aggressive to him initially. He acted aggressively at the end of the incident. Is that simple enough to understand?

Why are you trying to go for a big “Gotcha” moment 🤣

Is trying to “catch me out” the best response you have to me saying that the OP was aggressive? Because she was!

So you're saying it's okay that a verbal argument justifies violence against two women, one of whom had nothing to do with the argument?

No. Where did I say this?

You are not going to stop trying to put words into my mouth, are you? Why is that?

Listen carefully…violence is not okay. Verbally abusing people is not okay. Approaching people in an aggressive and confrontational manner is not okay.

Yes the OP played a part but he instigated this

How? How did the person standing minding their own business in the waiting room instigate anything?

@Vivi0 these are both your comments. You're all over the place.

What part of this actually applies to the OP’s situation? The man wasn’t rude or aggressive to her

I didn’t see that comment and I am certainly not justifying the man pushing the OP. He was aggressive

As I already explained, that was the last occurrence in a long sequence of events.

I was quite clearly referring the events at the beginning of the sequence.

Why is everyone so keen to minimise and justify the OP’s part in this situation?

Because she is a woman and was obviously just being a "mama bear" 🙄🤷‍♀️

And the other person happened to be male and elderly and we all knkw what some people on MN think of old and male people 🙄

I've pushed away someone screeching in my face too. It's nit an unnatural reaction.

Unfortunately working in healthcare we see a lot of people like the OP. They generally tend to end up labelled a violent patient and are only treated when accompanied by a police officer or security guard.

No, I'm perfectly serious.

Yes, the pushing happened at the end but he also pushed a receptionist who was trying to calm things down. So you're saying it's okay that a verbal argument justifies violence against two women, one of whom had nothing to do with the argument?

Yes the OP played a part but he instigated this and ended it with assault.

@Ohlookwhoitis This.

Oh, I am posting in good faith.

I didn’t see that comment and I am certainly not justifying the man pushing the OP. He was aggressive.

The OP was also aggressive. I have been on the receiving end of someone acting in a similar, aggressive manner and it’s not acceptable. Although I would never raise my hands to anyone (unless absolutely necessary in self defence), I would absolutely be standing up for myself in a situation like this with an aggressor like the OP.

As I said, aggressive and argumentative behaviour isn’t suddenly okay because it’s a female that’s doing it.

Why did he assault the receptionist if he wasn't aggressive?

Are you joking?

The pushing was the very last occurrence in a long sequence of events.

Why is everyone so keen to minimise and justify the OP’s part in this situation? Because she has a huge part to play in it.

I meant it generally as I read this all over AIBU. Women who have pushy neighbours, cheeky friends, lazy husbands and so on get told to stand up for themselves so it is relevant. Yet when somebody does stand up for themselves it's not okay. It's confusing and women can't win.

Pushing her and a receptionist wasn't rude or aggressive? Okaaaay.

You haven't been arrested yet so you're not doing too badly.
You were definitely right to challenge the person who left dog poo. I can't really judge the parking situation.

You don't sound like a very nice person to be honest.

What part of this actually applies to the OP’s situation? The man wasn’t rude or aggressive to her. He wasn’t treating her like a doormat. He wasn’t expecting her to be a people pleaser.

He went off and parked elsewhere once he realised the situation.

The OP is being accused of being aggressive and argumentative because she was being aggressive and argumentative. Aggressive and argumentative behaviour isn’t suddenly okay because it’s a female that’s doing it.

It's not one thing or the other though. You are ignoring the sensible middle ground which many posters are advocating.
You can still stand up for yourself without being aggressive and confrontational.

Im not shy to stand up for myself but I never get mouthy insulting or aggressive. It's pointless and doesn't work. I stick to the facts and I repeat myself if needed.

You are not on your own, I do this far to often to, we just have strong moral values, and are so annoyed when people are just plain ignorant and damn rude. Good for you for sticking up for yourself !

To summarise:
It's great OP recognises she may have over-reacted and should have responded more calmly
It's important to understand the difference between Assertive and Agressive (and which is effective and productive)
Read "The Chimp Paradox" by Prof Steve Peters (or watch his TedTalk) if you want to understand more about seemingly "impulsive" behaviour
Try to avoid attributing intention and malice to others

I can’t believe he pushed you with your child!!! I don’t avoid confrontation but tbh I’d never start anything, but I think people are justified sometimes if they do but in the case of the doctor’s surgery I think you were ott but then he was awful so … I don’t know!! Hope you’re ok op x

You know OP I think it’s fine. It isn’t happening at every little issue but bigger ones like dicks who don’t pick up their dog shit and aggressive drivers. I would have given both what for too and it’s no chance that he pushed into you and the receptionist. He was always that kind of bloke. Fuck them. Have never needed to challenge, be sarcastic or to shout at a woman yet. As for he might be ill blah blah blah well yeah but so what. The most appalling things happen to people without them being horrid to others.