For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

Maybe he’s right and you do need to get a smaller car. Car park spaces are small and if you’re taking up a free parking space by taking your door open it shows the car is too big. He was probably expecting you to shut the door so he could reverse in. You carried on the argument by going for him. Maybe next time take a deep breathe rather then lashing out. Next time it could be someone that will do something worse than push you.

This is a typical example of a situation I have got myself into by reacting and allowing myself to be provoked.

You are framing your anger issues as “allowing myself to be provoked”. But you weren’t provoked.

After the initial incident in the car park, you harassed the guy and escalated the situation because you weren’t able to let it go. That is something you really need to work on.

As has been said, the man obviously wasn’t trying to run you over. But you accused him of that. In the surgery. In front of everyone. Then you saracastly said he “should have went to Specsavers”. And you actually expected an apology.

Would you apologise to someone who was speaking to you like that? Would you just stand with your head down whilst a stranger berated you in public?

I am honestly baffled that people think it's okay to behave in this way. A man tried to park in a space which was available. He was gestured to that the space was occupied and parked elsewhere. No harm occurred. The OP kept on and on provoking him and throwing insults which were unpleasant and unnecessary and the man reacted by pushing you. The fact the receptionist had to come out and try to calm you down suggests you were extremely angry & maybe the man felt threatened by this. I hope nobody screams at you at a vulnerable time in your life when you are elderly OP. I couldn't believe when I read about the man who was stabbed to death over a parking space at a car boot sale a few years ago but reading the replies on this thread I can see how terrible things happen over very minor situations.

This sounds upsetting. But you really need to work on not being so reactive. You need to be able to cope with life’s inconsiderate people without pursuing them aggressively for retribution or apology. What good is going to come of that? Apart from anything else you’re putting yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

I have a friend like this whose life narrative is that she’s always being picked on unfairly, and people have it in for her for no reason. What she can’t see is that she goes through life like a ticking bomb, always on the brink of losing her shit completely if someone uses a tone of voice she doesn’t like or accidentally steps on her toe. I’m genuinely afraid of her anger. And when she encounters someone who has a similar temperament, the resulting conflict escalated rapidly into something really nasty.

When my kids were little we were going into McDonalds and this woman started parking a massive SUV next to us. I had to shut the doors and wait. When she got out of the car I muttered something like " could you not just wait a minute" ! Anyway when we came out there was grease and crisps smeared all over our car windows which I strongly suspected she had done. It's just not worth saying anything sometimes.

You were right and he was wrong. Well done for speaking up against his arrogance.

Given you were screaming and waving as if to bash on his car it’s no wonder he didn’t approach you to apologise. He probably interpreted your actions as aggressive and assumed that you would continue the aggression towards him whatever he said……which you did inside anyway.

When you confront someone aggressively and go on the attack people tend to match your tone, stance and demeanour (which is what he did) unless they are good at defusing / de-escalating conflict.

It then escalated so much that it became physical. Both of you will have had points where you could have defused the situation but you both carried on matching and increasing the other’s approach to it.

YABU. You don't seem to be able to tell the difference between standing up for yourself and proactively seeking out or escalating confrontation. You stood up for yourself in the car park, then chose to pick a fight in the waiting room. You need to better judge when to confront someone and when to leave it alone.

“isn't it just good manners to apologise if you make a mistake?”

You think you’re going to teach your son good manners by fighting with people in public?

Although I think it should have been left alone once stepping inside the surgery, there is no excuse for a man to physically assault women regardless of what she has said. He should be banned from the surgery for the safety of other patients.

I was talking in general terms, being assertive is just being calm and grown up rather than shouting and screaming and allows the other person opportunity to apologise if the situation calls for it. The car driver situation would potentially cause a lot of people to shout initially as the driver reversed towards them. After that though, a calm exchange would have been better, and then no exchange within the surgery would have been needed.

As has been said above a general approach to life that assumes that everyone is doing their best and means no harm goes a long way in peaceful exchanges.

I would have muttered "twat" under my breath and gone about my business, probably would have told my partner about it when I got home and both agreed that there's lots of twats about these days

I think you're right to stand up for yourself as a rule, but I'd be more careful when you've got your DS in your arms in case he got hurt, so it was probably better to have just blanked him no matter how much it irked you. Some people will never change the way the behave towards others no matter how many times they are called on it
I try to always keep my voice steady & calm, even if I'm angry and upset inside when the other party is screaming at me, I think it helps to not escalate it so much, also anyone witnessing the event can see who the raving loony is in the scene. Other times I will simply walk away without a word. I wouldn't ever give them the satisfaction of knowing they'd got to me.

Also OP... you never know what might come from your actions. Maybe if you'd said nothing he wouldn't have realised what he almost did. Maybe the shock of realising what he did and how he responded and being barred from the surgery or questioned over assaulting staff and a child might have been a wake up call for him, privately, to realise he is no longer a safe driver. Don't beat yourself up.

You went in all guns blazing when you had your child with you. Regardless of who was right and wrong you were complete unreasonable to start a row with a baby present.

You didn’t know what nutter you were confronting. Learn to hold your shit together when your children are around

you verbally assaulted the man first , who escalated the assault, you or him?

Emotionally though, you WERE thinking of you and your son's safety. The immediate risk of him driving into you had passed but you were still very much in fight or flight mode, still anxious and vigilant about the threat, and wanting to act to make sure the threat didn't get you again (which sounds ridiculous rationally speaking, but that's how our brains work). You wanted to warn him so he didn't do it again, and he responded badly because he felt threatened by you and probably felt embarrassed too.

I don't think it's a bad thing to stand up for yourself, including when your child is present to witness it. You must have been so shaken up and felt sick at nearly having you and your child driven into by an unsafe driver. And it wasn't your fault he chose to escalate to violence. But yes, there are times when it's safer to bite your tongue if you can, or to approach it in a more reasonable manner if you can. Saying more calmly 'excuse me, what happened in the car park? You nearly hit me and my son and didn't seem to notice, are you okay?' as if from a place of concern would have highlighted to him his error. But sometimes you just can't do it can you. We all have those moments, other than people who for their own reasons are absolute pushovers/doormats who wouldn't say boo to a goose.

I hope he was barred from the surgery for assaulting staff. I think you were pretty restrained honestly. Many people would have marched over in the car park and screamed in his face to be more careful, or worse. Being older doesn't excuse someone from their dangerous actions.

Yes there is a middle ground.

You know that.

It sounds like you are thinking that whenever anyone does something that has a negative impact on you that they are doing it out of malice.

Usually this is not the case, and usually it's either that they are antisocial and do it all the time (so never clear their dogs mess up) or they've simply made a mistake.

I make mistakes all the time. I expect you do as well.

In general, if you go up to people you don't know and try to "call them out" on their mistakes/ the behaviour you don't like then they are going to respond with anger.

So imagine the dog walking guy is thinking "shit, I left the dog poo bags at home today I can't believe I forgot them again! I hope the dog doesn't poo somewhere too bad and my mistake doesn't get noticed".

You then come out and talk to him. That conversation is not going to go well.

Alternatives: take out a plastic bag - and say "hi I'm sorry but your dog has messed and I saw you've not cleaned it up, I guess you've forgotten your bags, would you mind doing it?"

But honestly the likelihood is that he's not going to respond well.

So you are essentially picking fights with people. Ask yourself - why am I angry? What am I really angry about?

Realistically if you keep picking fights with people at some point you will get seriously emotionally or physically hurt. People do not like being called out on their behaviour.

OP what helps me in these situations is to remember you have no idea what kind of day a person is having . And you can only control what you do , not what anyone else does.

I think the man should be banned. He put his hands on the receptionist. Even if the OP is a giant twat, that's never ok. That's the thing when you escalate, you may escalate with someone who is a bigger twat than you as happened here.

What’s his age got to do with this?
mumsnet loves to have a go at the oldies…especially if they are in-laws!

I'm guessing this man has probably been banned form the GP surgery now ?

I never grovel. That's not needed. But pleasantness on the roads is needed so we can all function. People are tired, stressed, CoL, feeling not great, don't indicate blah. If you have never made a mistake yourself, call them all out. I wouldn't.

Don't ask men with XL bullies to pick up their dog shit in an aggressive manner either!

Apart from the pushing, I’m with team old man.
You should have shut the door whilst he was parking in the space, that’s what most reasonable people would have done and probably what he was expecting you to do.
Why on earth you felt the need to have an argument with him at reception when he had moved spaces is beyond me. Surely you should have just thanked him for changing spaces so you could continue getting your child out without interruption.
And I also agree with him that SUVs are a nuisance taking up too much space in parking spots particularly difficult for opening doors to get children out. I do hope you apologised to the receptionist for causing such a scene, their jobs are hard enough without breaking up fights at the counter.