For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

Agree with this. The confrontation in the parking lot…justified and an appropriate reaction. Starting up once in the office was not, it was picking a fight.

@Namechangey23
Nobody owes you an apology even if you think they do or in a situation where you would customarily receive one. Behaving as you did put you in the wrong.

You’re not a victim because you have an SUV 🙄

Read the post above yours. The first paragraph.

OP you said you wanted advice on how to stop (over) reacting in this way, but in later replies you seem to be justifying your behaviour and emphasising how badly the man behaved so I am not sure how much you really want to change.

In the surgery you were not 'standing up for yourself', you were creating a row. Lambasting the man was never going to have the effect you wanted (an apology), you were just venting your anger and you did not think about the potential consequences.

What happened in the car park was a minor irritation, nothing bad happened. Let it go.

So much drama 🙄 Screaming and shouting is indicative of loss of control. No one reacts well to hysteria. Try behaving in a more adult manner, you might actually get somewhere.

You were an arse and he was a violent bully. Neither shining in glory.

Yes you're right, you made a poor decision.

If you expect the worst of people you will get the worst of them.

You assumed he reversed towarss you intentionally, and was "treating you badly", so you decided to have a go at him.

But it is more likely that he just didn't check before reversing, and it was a mistake, or carelessness. He probably felt a bit embarrassed, and by having a go at him in public you escalated things.

OP don’t give your reaction a second thought! Life’s too short and maybe the stupid man will be more considerate of mums and open car doors in future. Additionally dog owners who don’t pick up need a reminder sometimes. They’d stoop to pick up a £5 so why not their dog poo?

I had a recent issue with a male middle aged “prick” jumping ahead of me in the Aldi cashier’s queue! His audacity was breathtaking.

I was seething but held my temper and let it wash over me as no way was I going to give the queue lining up behind me, a side show!

As others have commented, sometimes it’s not the best response to “give it large” these days because who knows how dreadful the outcome might be?

Big hug OP.

and upset, not and and upset!

@Raspberryjamsandwich

"You don't have adhd by any chance? It's sometimes associated with a heightened sense of justice."

You posted just after my own comment about ADHD which I personally was diagnosed with some time ago. You are quite right although I would say it is more a heightened sense of injustice and the feeling of exclusion. I suppose "being picked on" is a better description. I used to suffer with it a lot and it led to confrontation, confusion and and upset.

No, sticking up for yourself isn’t wrong OP. I had the same thing when I asked a guy to pick up his dog shit and he tried to attack me.

id do it again. People think they can bully and intimidate their way around life and treat communal spaces like shit. It’s not right.

I would just wonder what that achieves? I would never escalate something as to me there is no point and it would just make me feel more upset, plus is distressing for your child. I don't let someone's behaviour dictate my own ethical code

I have come across people like you, and to be honest, I dont know why people cannot just keep their noses out and get on with their lives.

Recently, an elderly lady decided to pass comment to me about something she knew nothing about, yet she thought I was wrong, or doing something wrong. I wasn't by the way. I dont think she expected me to bite back, but as soon as I told her to keep her trap shut, I walked away.

People like her run risk of doing it next time to somebody who wouldnt just walk away and will get physical.

If nobody got hurt, is being racist/criminal etc, it is sometimes best to just let it go!

You don't have adhd by any chance? It's sometimes associated with a heightened sense of justice.

Honestly? It sounds like you have a really poor attitude

I can relate to this OP and especially the shaking, trembling wreck afterwards. I was a "spitfire" when I was younger and somehow felt invincible but I seemed to calm down as I got older. I was latterly diagnosed with ADHD so that is a possibility. I'm not trying to put labels on you but maybe consider it. It runs in my family and I did have other behaviours that I now recognise were all part of this. Either way, it's a horrible and exhausting feeling.

OP, congratulations on recognising that perhaps you're not approaching this in the best way, and trying to do something about it.

What comes across to me from some of your comments is that you don't realise how some of your behaviour comes across. You say that the comment 'did you realise that you nearly ran us over' was just asking a question, but it's not in the same league as saying something like 'did you realise that you left your lights on'. The first is confrontational and the second is a simple question.

In the same vein, you can't think of any good reasons why he might have wanted to park in that particular space, so you're assuming there can't be any and he was therefore in the wrong. I'm not saying whether he was right or wrong, just that you don't seem able to conceive of circumstances where he might have been right, or even just mistaken rather than at fault.

One thing that might help give you a wider perspective is, when you feel calmer, to write a list of say 20 reasons why he might have behaved the way he did. You are allowed to put things that are highly unlikely or even downright ridiculous, but you will find that in among them are things that make you think 'you know what, that's actually a possibility'. The more you can cultivate awareness of these other possibilities, the less likely you are to react confrontationally. You can do something similar with a list of ways you might have reacted. That will give you more options to play with in the future.

One day you're going to pick on the wrong person and you'll get leathered. Nearly like in the drs when you put your baby into harms way. Also can't believe you basically caused the receptionist to be assaulted.

It’s difficult isn’t it. You don’t want to be a doormat but agree starting up inside the surgery wasn’t a good idea imo.
You could pick on the wrong person one day and get more than a push and some bad language.

No actual harm was done outside, he moved away from you. He was never going to apologise as he didn’t think he had done anything wrong. Let it go. If it’s not continuing to impact you, there was nothing to gain from rounding on him inside the surgery. Being aggressive and using sarcasm isn’t going to get you anywhere.

I have a friend like this, she’s lovely but my god the red mist can descend in a heart beat.
Someone almost drove into her, then beeped their horn at her. She pursued them and caught up with them, the woman in the car was crying, had found out a relative had been taken sick was rushing hence driving erratically. Neither of them felt good about what had happened, almost causing an accident and then being pursued / pursuing, culminating in both being very upset, late, anxious etc etc, NOTHING was achieved, changed, altered, no apologies from either side just justifications for acting the way each had (and they may well have caused an accident involving someone else.) Sometimes you just have to let it go.

I agree with this. You have described 2 awful incidents that have happened to you. But you haven't chosen sensible responses. People are volatile and you have no idea how they are going to respond to you.

You chose to escalate the situation by having a go at him inside the surgery. There was no need at all, he had parked elsewhere and it should have ended there. Instead you put the receptionist in danger and your baby. You have an anger management problem and you have a responsibility to seek help for this.

He's not worth your breath.

I guess he could have been there for an appointment for something very worrying or have mental health issues.

He was very wrong to push you though.

You’re not to blame for how this stupid sack of shit man behaved. He assaulted people, that’s on him
and no one else.

You must have known he wasn’t going to apologise though. It just wasn’t going to happen. I’m not saying you’re in the wrong to confront him for nearly reversing into you and your baby- he deserved to be called out on it. You’re kidding yourself to think he might acknowledge that.

I'm a hothead too at times, especially with men, as I won't be berated by any bloke or told what to do! I've had some close calls but it doesn't seem to shut me up. Solidarity sister....fuck em I say 😆

How would he not have realised that he almost caused an accident, if you screamed and banged on the car, and then he went and parked elsewhere? He must have realised.

So your question to him was really not about trying to point out something to him that he didn't know, in the hopes that he'll change his behaviour the next time. You were trying to force an apology out of him - and while that might be totally understandable, as he was wrong in trying to get into the space while you were in it - you can't force apologies out of people.

I think you need to consider what you want out of a situation, and whether that is likely to happen. You can want an apology, but if it isn't going to happen, then inflaming a situation isn't going to help. It just comes across as trying to get revenge by showing him up in public, which isn't going to accomplish the goal of changing his behaviour another time.

If he realised how close he was to an accident, and thinks about it, that will in itself make him change his behaviour, if he's the sort of person that will change. If you behave aggressively towards him, he will just double down and convince himself that he's in the right and not change anyway - you really aren't going to get him to change his ways by sarcastic comments. They might make you feel better in the moment - understandably so! - but don't really help in the long run.

Just trying to think of ways to leave it in the future - hoping that the scare causes him to rethink, knowing that you protected your child, realising that he made a mistake and possible reasons for it that might explain (not excuse) it, etc, might help you stay calmer.

Not saying something in a situation doesn't equal agreeing that the other person is right.