For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

Why are people picking on the OP for "screaming and shouting" at someone reversing towards her and her child, close enough for her to need to prepare to bang on the boot of the car?

How else are you meant to get the attention of someone INSIDE a car and clearly not looking? Wave and apologise for being flattened once you're under the wheels or they've ripped your car door off?

The stupid bugger was about to reverse into her and her baby.. i'd be bloody screaming and shouting to get him to stop too.. especially after he stopped, and THEN CONTINUED to reverse towards her.

Damn right i'd be saying something in the Dr's to the dickhead too.

If people are being overly assertive with me for a minor infringement, their confidence rubs me up the wrong way. I stare at them and ask them to explain their issue. I stay calm but they don't....

There's nothing wrong with speaking up. You just need to work on a way of doing that where you're assertive but not agressive/provocative and when you are confident you will be able to control yourself and not end up throwing personal insults about. There's plenty of stuff on line about positively challenging people, phrases to avoid to reduce the risk of it escalating, and so on. So, I'd say, do it, but only if and when you can approach it with skill not emotion.

I have been assertive ehen people pushed past me in the queue etc. Even though I have been non confrontational they still turned it into a huge fight. When I tell them to stop shouting at me it makes it worse.

Even if you were calm and assertive, the person would still verbally attack you.

I know psychologists give advice but they assume everyone is calm, reasonable, will admit if they are wrong. Not everyone is decent so the assertiveness doesn't work on a lot of people.

Also maybe try to think the best of people (I struggle with this) and not the worst. I often have an internal monologue about situations that frame them in a way where people are purposely doing things to be unkind/rude. In reality most people are oblivious to their mistakes. Eg the old man reversing maybe hasn’t had a child to get out the car in a long time and so is not understanding how it feels for a parent to have a car reversing close to them. Or he is distracted by running late for example. None of that makes what he did ok, but it does frame it in a more human way.

You made a mistake.
You overreacted! and things escalated.

I would look at calming techniques like yoga, meditation.
Dont be that person that everyone knows screaming and arguing in the street.
If you have something you feel is important to point out do so politely.

My late FIL, had this same tendency. He was a reasonable, gentle and kind man to friends and family, but if he felt slighted or crossed by a stranger or someone in an official position he would see red and become obsessed about winning an argument - falling out with neighbours, people in shops, his bank and all manner of people he met. My DM was also the same (although just as bad with family and friends!) and eventually fell out with everyone.
It caused all sort of stress for those around him, my DH and I are the complete opposite and avoid falling out with others if we can.

Try to think why you react this way - why do you need to be in the right so much, surely you can see that others are not always perfect and make mistakes. Your needs do not trump other people’s, maybe he had reasons for wanting to park next to you, I prefer to park next to other cars rather than in a large set of free spaces - it helps when lining up in a space and you can make sure you have space to get out. Maybe the space was nearest the door. You didn’t have a right to have an empty space next to you just because you have an SUV and child seat.

I think the key here is that you recognise it, that is a massive in helping to change it. You lack impulse control at times but you recognise that - don't beat yourself up.

I think a lot of people have their 'version' of this. For me it is anxiety and intrusive thoughts. A normal everyday occurrence for a lot of people can have my mind spiralling into complete catastrophe. I am also guilty of taking an interaction that has annoyed me - and letting my mind spiral it out of control. The result is always bad.

I have done a lot of work on trying to observe my own mind/emotions/thoughts - rather than just 'believe' them and run with them (usually with a bad outcome). It takes practice - but you try and catch your 'mind' when it starts to escalate. For you when the anger starts to rise, your thoughts follow this and feed it and it escalates into situations like today. Try and catch it at the start - and make a conscious decision not to follow it. I call it 'changing the channel'. As soon as I feel my mind start to spiral - I remind myself that these are just my thoughts they are not 'real' I don't need to follow them or act on them. I change the channel and direct focus elsewhere. The feelings pass much sooner than you expect. No feeling is final.

The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters is a great book for this.

The problem here is that you react, get into a row, don't withdraw when it might be diplomatic or self protective to do so and then blame yourself and feel awful. I can be like that so I know that I have to rein it in and I do, most of the time. I won't get involved in arguments such as in supermarkets - or as in your case a doctor's surgery, so will let it go rather than escalate or have the last word. I do the same online, even if someone is snarky or condescending and merits a retort. But I'll make an exception for dogs fouling.

It's personality largely isn't it - as you say, your husband is completely different. While you are being introspective and questioning yourself you might like to try one of those tests for insight into your personality and what makes you tick - see for instance, https://www.16personalities.com/ But whatever a test may tell you, you still need to be aware of your own pitfalls and practise lowering the temperature in situations to protect yourself from getting embroiled and ending up in a bad state.

I agree with this 100%
I think practice being assertive will help you feel you are dealing with situations, but not doing so in a way that is aggressive/confrontational or likely to lead to arguments.

Assertiveness and knowing when you leave a situation….

Sounds like your Dh needs to be more assertive too

I hate all this crap about ‘calling people out’. It’s just an excuse to try and shame or make someone look stupid in public and rarely actually solves the issue. Purposely embarrassing someone in public never goes well.
You can easily point something out and have a quiet, calm conversation without resorting to being an aggressive arsehole yourself.

You sound unhinged actually. I suggest you seek anger management actually, or therapy to address where this anger is stemming from. Are you happy in life OP?

Oh and the specsavers comment is just really cringe.

I think that as your child gets older, and you of course get older, you will find that there are many more battles to fight and you learn to let the nonsense go. It would be exhausting going through life constantly fighting about little things.
That said, sarcasm never ever helps, nor does raising your voice or losing your temper. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. This will be handy with stroppy teens, arrogant men and confused old people.
Learning when to shut up is a valuable lesson. You would be wise to think before you act, as I endlessly say to my teens!

I've nearly hit someone in the supermarket car park recently when I was reversing, just didn't see them. Waved and luckily they realised it wasn't malicious intent. I didn't need to get out and grovel at them.

Both over aggression and under-reacting are problematic. The Op needs to learn the middle way (plus I don't think she did anything wrong in the car park, it was continuing it inside that was the issue).

@Namechangey23 us women are put on this earth to deal with ancient manly egos with small dicks! dont worry about it!

Are you saying it's ok just to reverse without looking?? That it would have been fine if he had knocked them down because he just didn't check before reversing?
And that it wasn't on him to apologise if he just nearly knocked down a woman and child because he was 'careless'?

Honestly the justification for shitty men's behaviour on MN never fails to amaze me.

OP you got so upset because these people behaved like assholes and you couldn't understand why they would be like that. Don't change, just understand that some people are just twats.

Given about 1% or more of the population are psychopaths, it's always better to stand up for yourself in a calm way if it's needed at all (which it wasn't in the GP's surgery). I stand up for myself a lot. I don't let men walk all over me, not in the car, not when driving. But every now and again you meet someone very aggressive or on steroids or having a bad day- go to the Relationship section of Mumsnet to see the lovely specimens out there. Now think about whether acting aggressively to them to 'stand up for yourself' whilst you have a child in your arms is a good plan,.

Standing up for yourself in an assertive manner is about being calm, pleasant, knowing when to move forward to assert yourself and when to back off as the other person is just weird, peculiar, ill or super-aggressive. It's a skill, the Op isn't interested in developing it, she's interested in rehearsing even now why she was in the right, even though another woman got assaulted as a result of the escalation.

Interesting, the comments about ADHD upthread. I'm autistic- and suspect I may have some degree of ADHD- and have form for reacting like this.

Firstly, I would say that you were NOT in the wrong. He physically assaulted you and the receptionist. Leaving tone or whatever aside, you were pulling him up for doing something that could have seriously hurt you and your child. That is never wrong. Whether it was wise, or whether you could have phrased it better, is quite another question.

I'm exactly the same though...I cannot keep my cool for the life of me- God, how I wish I could manage to be calmly assertive! I think, neurodiversity aside, this is something we're uniquely crap at in the UK. I'm wondering how the responses would have differed if you'd posted this in a German forum, for example?! I think fuming impotently at antisocial or selfish behaviour is pretty damaging for society, and that sometimes people do need telling.

I live close to a school, and the parking is beyond belief. Massive cars parked on the junction and the bus stop, making it dangerous for children to cross the road, and nobody- neither the school, the parish council or the police will do anything about it. Recently I had a go at the driver of an SUV who pulled onto the pavement, on the junction, just in front of us as we were walking to school, swiftly followed by another one mindlessly copying him. Yes, we had a horrible argument- in front of the kids, too- and I was upset for the rest of the day. But you know what? Since then, no SUVs have parked on the pavement on the corner, so word must have got out you'll get grief from the crazy mad bitch who lives there.

Would I prefer that it had all been handled in a different way? Definitely! But when push comes to shove, if nobody else is going to stick up for you against the inconsiderate and dangerous people in our society, then you're going to have to do it yourself. And I'm happy in the knowledge that I've made the walk to school that little bit safer for all the kids- even those with the nice, non confrontational mummies who don't want to cause a fuss 🙄

To be fair OP you didn't begin today looking for a fight. He invaded your space whilst you were in protective mode with your baby receiving his jabs. You merely reacted to a situation you were placed in by this man.
For what it's worth I've reacted similarly in the past, as I'm sure most people have!
I try to live my life with a degree of consideration to others & expect the same back-& if not people just need to stay out of my space (& yours!)

Does it stem from your upbringing OP? I grew up in a home where my dad was awful. Always fighting and arguing / being violent with one of us. There was a lot of arguments in our house - sometimes daily. It took me a long time as an adult to realise that's not how everyone is. My DH is also a calm person so I learned a lot from him. His family are also all calm people - his parents especially.
Going forward you maybe need to just practise letting things go. Easier said than done though.

OP you’re still trying to justify why you became so angry, blaming other people for your extreme anger issues. If you were a man everyone on here would be saying you need to do something about your temper.
Maybe look at some anger management resources to help, it’s not doing you any favours as it’s causing you stress for hours, potentially leading you into dangerous situations, and a really bad example to set your DCs.

Op this isn't a you problem, it's a them problem. You just had a couple of incidents where you came up against complete assholes.

Everyone telling you that you escalated it are just full of crap - they escalated it by not simply apologising and doing the right thing. Sadly though you can't reason with complete assholes.

But I applaud you in standing up for yourself.

I think we’re seeing the overdeveloped sense of righteousness that the OP described herself of having