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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For reacting to people who treat me poorly..assaulted at the doctors surgery

537 replies

Namechangey23 · 09/02/2024 11:49

I suspect the answer is yes IABU and normal people don't do this! Please help me understand why I am like this and what I can do to fix it.

This is a typical example of a situation I have got myself into by reacting and allowing myself to be provoked. I was taking my DS (1 yr) for vaccinations and parked neatly in one of many available spaces at my local surgery. Just as I was trying to get him out of his car seat with the door open, I see out of the corner of my eye this guy in his 70s or beyond starts reversing into the space I am standing in with the door open. Note that there are various other spaces even side by side which he could have gone into but no, he chose the one I was standing in with DS half out of his car seat. I waved and shouted and he stopped....then he carried on again so I screamed and shouted at him preparing to smack the back end of his car as I thought he somehow still hasn't seen me and there wasn't room for me to stand out the way. Finally he then moves off, parks opposite and walks off inside without a word.

This is where I then made a poor decision. I had to stand next to him whilst logging into their system. I was so angry and shocked at what just happened that I decided he wasn't going to get away with it, so I said to him.. you do realise you just almost ran us over...I was expecting he might apologise. This then started off an argument in front of the whole waiting room. I asked him why he chose to park in the only space I was standing in when there were 6 other spaces available and he just said 'it was a space wasn't it' and he said 'you shouldn't have such a big car" I said I can have what car I like (honestly it's not big just a very basic standard budget SUV, not some enormous tank!) And I was parked responsibly in the space, it is customary to need the door open when getting a child out and unfortunately they don't have child spaces with more room and I didn't want to park in the disabled spacs as that's not for me! I'm afraid he pissed me off even more with his comment about my car so I said something I wasn't proud of along the lines of "should have gone to Specsavers because I'm not sure how you didn't see me? " Anyway of course it escalated, the receptionist tried to intervene to calm us down, and then he pushed all three of us, her most as she was inbetween him and me still holding DS. I feel totally devastated because she ended up bearing the brunt of what was obviously meant for me. Also mortified this was in front of everybody, although they were very kind. But also because I should have left it well alone as I had my son in my arms, why oh why didn't I keep my mouth firmly shut?! A miss (even a near miss!) Is as good as a mile as they say. What is wrong with me, why do I put myself and others at risk just to be right? It's like the sense of injustice takes over and fight wins over flight even when it makes common sense not to poke the hornets nest.

It's happened before. I asked someone outside my house which fronts onto a footpath to pick up their dog mess and got verbally abused and I think there are other incidents I can't remember now. Incidently I always end up a shaking blubbing emotional wreck after such incidents so why do I do it??! In my head I think I'm sticking up for myself. But it usually ends up worse for me and I feel like in taking these risks, one day I could end up with myself in serious trouble or dead doing it. How can I stop myself in future when it's almost reflexive! I know I need to control myself. Incidently my husband is the complete opposite extreme and a pacifist. He avoids conflict like the plague and never gets himself in any situations like this as a result. If there is a problem with a bill or contractor I have to deal with it. Is there a middle ground?!
Incidently my DS got his vaccines (all 4!) but it wasn't at all the calm experience I was hoping for...

OP posts:
Namechangey23 · 09/02/2024 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don't have another word to articulate this- other than stuff or people who put my son's safety in jeopardy is really very triggering.

OP posts:
Veronicaisaflower · 09/02/2024 17:30

AmethystSparkles · 09/02/2024 17:21

She didn’t say that she does it every five minutes at people who don’t deserve it. It’s happened to me and I’m not an angry person at all. I’m very quiet and passive usually.

Read the post. She calls it a typical situation.

PictureALadybird · 09/02/2024 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Woodenwonder · 09/02/2024 17:25

So anyway OP, how are you going to deal with this? You've recognised your own weakness which is admirable, what will be the thing that makes you change?

AmethystSparkles · 09/02/2024 17:21

Veronicaisaflower · 09/02/2024 17:19

One if the reasons I left my husband was his constant anger towards people - swearing at other drivers, muttering under his breath, rude gestures. He ALWAYS felt in the right and justified in his actions; everyone else was a wanker, a tosser, an idiot, a dozy cow. I very rarely experience that kind of anger, and my life is so much pleasanter now that I don't have to witness it. Be the change you wish to see in the world. The world isn't full of idiots, it's full of people exactly like you, so no need for the constant aggro.

She didn’t say that she does it every five minutes at people who don’t deserve it. It’s happened to me and I’m not an angry person at all. I’m very quiet and passive usually.

Veronicaisaflower · 09/02/2024 17:19

One if the reasons I left my husband was his constant anger towards people - swearing at other drivers, muttering under his breath, rude gestures. He ALWAYS felt in the right and justified in his actions; everyone else was a wanker, a tosser, an idiot, a dozy cow. I very rarely experience that kind of anger, and my life is so much pleasanter now that I don't have to witness it. Be the change you wish to see in the world. The world isn't full of idiots, it's full of people exactly like you, so no need for the constant aggro.

AmethystSparkles · 09/02/2024 17:19

I have a history of doing this OP. As someone else has said, these people can’t be reasoned with. That man had a problem with women in SUVs and took his anger out on you. Someone who does something like that isn’t going to listen. All those people watching knew that he was at fault because he tried to assault you!

I still get angry about the older woman in Hunstanton Tesco who deliberately mowed down my toddler with her shopping trolley. I picked him up (he was screaming) and raced after her shouting, but she completely ignored me! Some people put us in these impossible situations….how could anyone know how to react in that situation?! Just when you relax because it’s not happened for a while, another sociopath pops up!!

You’re not autistic/infj are you? We do tend to react to injustice more than most. Try to see it as a challenge. Or react to these people the way you would to bad weather or a natural disaster…you wouldn’t take these things personally. They will always appear and it’s always when you’re off guard. Some of them might be seriously mentally unwell and it isn’t worth the risk of confronting them.

Daylightsavingscrime · 09/02/2024 17:12

I think picking a fight in the waiting room was a mistake but I can see why you saw red. An empty car park and he decided to reverse into the space you’re standing in 🙄

I remember one time I was walking along the pavement and someone pulled out of their drive at speed just as I was about to walk past it. Stopped on the pavement, driver was craning her neck the other way to look at traffic, no clue I was there. She nearly knocked me over! You can’t afford to be a dumbass when you’re at the wheel of a car.

Anyway I didn’t thump on her window and yell and I suppose that’s probably for the best. Kind of wish I had done though 😕

Veronicaisaflower · 09/02/2024 17:11

Your son will grow up to copy your behaviours, and being a man, full of testosterone, will most likely end up hitting people where you mostly just shout. Think about the kind of future you are setting up for him. You don't right wrongs by verbally attacking people.

Catshaveiteasy · 09/02/2024 17:10

This may have already been aaked, but does your personal history suggest a reason why you might over react to perceived slights? Your brain may be triggered more easily than most because of past experiences.

I tend to believe people are unintentionally annoying, unless I have evidence to the contrary. That means, I usually forgive them a mistake. The old man may not have been thinking about what you were doing, or hadn't seen you. It's doubtful he was deliberately making things difficult. Even if he was, I usually feel it's not worth arguing with crazy.

You might like to research assertiveness techniques to prepare yourself to act calmly in situations where you need to stick up for yourself. I found knowing how to do this extremely helpful. It usually means the other person doesn't react by getting angry.

JodieFostersFurHood · 09/02/2024 17:10

There are so many unpredictable people out there that it is preferable not to engage with them in situations like this. You never know when it can turn really bad. He could have had a knife and you could be dead. This is a huge problem in our society today but really you can't take chances because someone doesn't act the way you want them to.

Boomer55 · 09/02/2024 17:09

“I would have thought him thoughtless or a bit daft but it wouldn't have crossed my mind he was parking there to be aggressive or to annoy you.

If I'd seen you in the doctors I'd have thought you were behaving really badly. I think you were behaving unfairly on everyone involved. At least you, sort of, acknowledge that.

I'm not someone that ever has a temper so I find it a little hard to understand the mindset of people who are mouthy or bolshy. I have no problem standing up for myself even in quite awkward situations but I never loose my composure. It's far more effective to deal with things calmly and rationally. There are also times when I know it's pointless or potentially dangerous to say anything so I don't.

I do wonder how all the people who go through life having road rage and getting angry about things get through life. It must be tiring. “

This.

Once he had parked elsewhere, any drama should have been done. I don’t suppose he did anything just to annoy you.

The escalation, by you, wasn’t necessary.

Namechangey23 · 09/02/2024 17:09

Soontobe60 · 09/02/2024 15:09

So an elderly man reversed, stopped when you shouted at him, then eventually parked elsewhere, but you chose to start an argument with him, call him names, insult him and expect him to not react? All whilst holding a small child? You’re not a great role model, you sound ageist, ableist and generally awful!

Whoa...thats a bit of leap..how am I ageist and ableist? He stopped only the second time I shouted. I didn't choose to start an argument with him but that was the end result of me asking whether he realised he nearly ran us over..im not justifying my behaviour before anyone jumps in, I should have left it. Adrenaline was flowing and I probably wasn't in full control thinking what the consequences of my actions might be. That's on me. As others have pointed out people don't take kindly to being told in public when they did something wrong.

OP posts:
Lifeomars · 09/02/2024 17:08

I really understand where you are coming from as I can get like this and l do sometimes worry that I am going to get myself punched or stabbed. I used to just seethe inside but lately I have been getting so pissed off with people and their bad ignorant behaviour it is as if my filter has gone! Take last week for example, I ended up losing it with a guy who was riding his bike on the pavement, I had to dodge out of his way and he raised his hand to thank me. This seemed to trigger something in me, his arrogance and entitlement perhaps , the way I had to leap to one side to stop him mowing me down. Anyway I screamed at him called him a "an arrogant wanker" and followed this up by telling him to "ride your fucking bike on the fucking road you utter tosser" . Another incident occurred when two guys parked outside my house and were running their engine for at least 20 mins so I went out and banged on the window and just told them to "fuck off". I used to be quite reasonable, in the past I would have explained to those blokes that they are breaking the law, polluting the environment and disturbing me and would have made a polite request for them to switch the car engine off. Now I just seem to go from 0 to 100 in a few seconds and it does worry me that one day I am going to eff and blind at someone who then responds with violence. The guys in the car called me a "fucking cunt" and said they could do what they want, which I think is the root of a lot of the behaviour we see so much of today.

Ficklebricks · 09/02/2024 17:07

@Namechangey23 Have a look at this link about Justice Sensitivity. I can be similar, the urge to correct injustice has led me to trouble on many occasions. For various other reasons I suspect I may have ADHD and it's one of the main traits.

https://edgefoundation.org/the-fairness-imperative-adhd-and-justice-sensitivity/

The Fairness Imperative – ADHD and Justice Sensitivity - Edge Foundation

Many individuals with ADHD have a heightened sensitivity to injustice. Learn why and how you can use it for good without being overwhelmed.

https://edgefoundation.org/the-fairness-imperative-adhd-and-justice-sensitivity

Checken · 09/02/2024 17:03

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Abitofalark · 09/02/2024 17:02

Namechangey23 · 09/02/2024 16:16

Yes that's exactly what happens ..I've always come out as an INFP (The Healer ironically!!) on that personalities test god help me.. my husband is the INTP logician so that probably tells you everything about our different approaches. He is always more rational.

Well, that sounds good. You have something to work with and build on. I did that test and came out as Mediator and my strategy as Constant Improvement. I can certainly see the need for that. Your husband is probably phlegmatic in temperament, hence the rational response to things, whereas a fiery temperament would get in the way and prevent the rational response from coming out. The main thing is to know yourself and learn from your mistakes.

Ohlookwhoitis · 09/02/2024 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request

Yes they're being serious. This is a few replies from the first half of the first page only. There are many many more blaming OP for this mans violent reaction.

"Was it really worth making such a scene inside the surgery? How embarrassing and even though you feel the guy wasn't in the wrong, you say he was elderly, you have no idea what might be wrong with him. How do you know he's not grieving or really sick?"

". If I'm being completely honest you should have been grateful to him for not parking next to you! If someone provoked me in this way I would also be angry albeit I wouldn't push anyone but it sounds like you kept on at him. In a place where people go when they are unwell. I don't agree with other posters who seem to think this other man is at fault - you caused this and behaved inappropriately"

"But assertiveness wasn't needed! He made a mistake, nothing happened, you could have both dealt with it maturely. One day you will be backing as stressed and do the same. Do you want the person to start up with you?"

PancakeTuesdayiscoming · 09/02/2024 17:01

I think you’re hoping posters say ‘don’t worry, you were totally in the right’ but I don’t actually know that you were in the right in the case of the doctor incident.

Goalandgate · 09/02/2024 16:59

Ohlookwhoitis · 09/02/2024 16:16

"For what it's worth I absolutely do not condone male violence"

Oh but you do. What did the receptionist do to 'deserve' being pushed? She didn't argue with him.

In what way do I condone violence? The man should not have pushed anyone - the receptionist should not have to separate 2 grown adults in the first place. Do I think OP escalated the situation? 100%. Would I say the same thing if it were a female? Yes. We will never agree on this. I don't think it is wise to go around shouting at and arguing with strangers. You clearly think this is fine.

Darren67 · 09/02/2024 16:58

Your post as made me ask the question I’ve wanted to ask for a long time and something me and my sister discuss from time to time, cause we can’t work out why.

Why do drivers need to park next the only car in a row when there’s lots of others, equal distance to the door (of wherever they are going) not blue badge or baby spaces either, it’s just weird, can’t people park unless they can ‘line up’ with another car ?

and yes whilst you are right to be annoyed, in the long run it just upsets you and your Son, so better counting to ten x

Namechangey23 · 09/02/2024 16:58

rwalker · 09/02/2024 16:12

sound like you enjoy conflict and confrontation

people generally respond in the same manner there approached in

as you recognise there are better ways of dealing with situations you just need to action it

How so? I actually really don't! I just wanted to get in, get him vaccinated and get out as soon as possible before we caught whatever bugs were lurking in there. I enjoy reasoned debate but not conflict as evidenced by the fact I was upset and shaking afterwards. I said I deal with it (reluctantly!) When I have to as my DH won't, which is different. Doesn't mean I enjoy it! Clearly I need some conflict avoidance/management lessons tho!

OP posts:
Namechangey23 · 09/02/2024 16:54

sunstreaming · 09/02/2024 16:27

These replies say more about the pre-conceptions of the people writing them, than about the facts of this case. The sort of car OP was driving is irrelevant and doesn't excuse the man's behaviour. We have a right to have an opinion about SUVs (I'm not keen on them) but that doesn't mean we can behave badly/unfairly/dangerously towards people who do drive them. We are not judge, jury and executioner!

It's worth looking at the facts: whatever the behaviour of Op in the surgery,which party was the more injured? The OP's safety and that of her child was put at risk by this man's behaviour,either accidentally or on purpose. She was therefore in a state of high arousal. It would have been better to react more assertively, but in the end, HE was only threatened by her words whereas OP and he child were put at material risk.

Here is what I think about someof the replies:

he was obviously not intending to run you over - irrelevant as bad things can happen even when people don't intend harm. If you tread on my toe, it hurts just as much whether it was accidental or on purpose.

I just tut and get on with my day and maybe tell my OH about it later -goes nowhere towards improving general behaviour and making the world a safer place. If bad behaviour is accepted then it becomes acceptable. And tutting to your OH, or making passive-aggressive posts on local social media, e.g. 'to the person who....' actually achieves nothing at all.

It is pretty obvious that he realised what happened given that you were screaming and shouting at him in the car park and that he drove off

But he only drove off after the second time you tried to alert him, so it does look as if he was deliberately ignoring you the first time,which is very scary and dangerous and unlawful.

He made a simple mistake in the car park. Nothing happened, Not so – he made a mistake, you alerted him to it and he did it again. No wonder you were scared.

But it is more likely that he just didn't check before reversing, and it was a mistake, or carelessness. IF the OP and her child had been injured the male driver would have been in big trouble. The fact that he wasn't intending them harm is irrelevant. Even if 'all' he did wrong was being careless, he was still not driving in a safe manner. In fact OP, by reacting as you did in the car park,you saved yourself and your child from injury and saved him from at least, being banned from driving, but maybe also from a fine and prison sentence. He should be grateful to you.

Maybe he has bad eyesight or bad depth perception so parking next to another car helps him cue it up. Maybe he's had bad health news and isn't feeling quite with it. Whatever is happening to him, he's in charge of a lethal weapon and if his state of mind means he can't use it safely, he needs to be aware of this. As I said before,an injury hurts just as much whatever the reason for it. He would not get away with it in Court if he injured or even killed someonein this sort of situation. And he'd have to live with himself. If he'snot fit to drive,then he shouldn't be driving.

He may have had a lot on his mind and have just assumed the op had seen him so would move out of his way. Indefensible way to act when driving.

if you'd posted this in a German forum, Good point. In many parts of Europe, if there's an incident between a car and a pedestrian, the car driver is automatically at fault.

a stranger who actually hadn't done anything wrong Yes he had! He was driving in a way likely to harm a pedestrian (which she was as out of the car and with her feet on the ground) and a child. Either he didn't realise that they were in his way,which is indefensible, or he didn't care and wanted to force them out of his way. Totally indefensible.

OP you were understandably frightened by this man's behaviour and did your best to alert him to what was happening – which he initially ignored. I can see that putting your child back in the car where he would then be unrestrained is something you didn't want to do. And also that even if you'd been able to do this in the time and then slam the door shut,your child would have been frightened –you could have trapped your or your child's fingers. And where were you supposed to go? Just flattening yourself against your car wouldn't have necessarily been safe and would also have been frightening. And could have resulted in him actually harming you -a much worse outcome for everyone.

Unfortunately, you put him into a defensive mode when you confronted him. A better thing to do in these circumstances, I think , is to be assertive, so here is a script.

'When you...describe what they did

I felt...describe how you felt. Maybe leave a pause where he could apologise. Then the rest of the script doesn't need to be used.

I would have preferred it if you...describe what you think they should have done.

It's hard to argue against because you haven't made any assumptions, just stuck to the facts and your feelings. Even the preferred behaviour is your opinion. This script works in many situations and although it feels strange to do and takes practice. But it means you have dealt with the problem, without backing the other person into a corner. Of course, they might still react in an angry way, but that's on them. I'd sooner live in a world were people challenged antisocial and unreasonable behaviour assertively like this, than one where it's handled aggressively or people are too scared to tackle it and poor behaviour becomes the norm.

I hope you feel better now. Maybe write a letter to the surgery,apologising for your part in this incident and thanking the Receptionist for coming to your aid. Good luck and I'm glad neither you not your child were innjured.

Wow amazingly detailed response and insightful thank you...I have to wonder if you are in some sort of mediation or health and safety employment as you really analysed this rationally and objectively? Something I am not able to do! I actually already wrote a statement and thanked and apologised the receptionist, sure she didn't need that kind of sh*t added to her day! I feel so guilty she ended up involved and wish I hadn't approached it the way I did. I know I struggle with adrenaline because if I have to do a presentation or interview I really struggle with the heart pounding, fear feeling and go into lockdown..I think I do have a big mamma bear thing though where if it affects my child I am more likely to bite!

OP posts:
Namechangey23 · 09/02/2024 16:53

sunstreaming · 09/02/2024 16:27

These replies say more about the pre-conceptions of the people writing them, than about the facts of this case. The sort of car OP was driving is irrelevant and doesn't excuse the man's behaviour. We have a right to have an opinion about SUVs (I'm not keen on them) but that doesn't mean we can behave badly/unfairly/dangerously towards people who do drive them. We are not judge, jury and executioner!

It's worth looking at the facts: whatever the behaviour of Op in the surgery,which party was the more injured? The OP's safety and that of her child was put at risk by this man's behaviour,either accidentally or on purpose. She was therefore in a state of high arousal. It would have been better to react more assertively, but in the end, HE was only threatened by her words whereas OP and he child were put at material risk.

Here is what I think about someof the replies:

he was obviously not intending to run you over - irrelevant as bad things can happen even when people don't intend harm. If you tread on my toe, it hurts just as much whether it was accidental or on purpose.

I just tut and get on with my day and maybe tell my OH about it later -goes nowhere towards improving general behaviour and making the world a safer place. If bad behaviour is accepted then it becomes acceptable. And tutting to your OH, or making passive-aggressive posts on local social media, e.g. 'to the person who....' actually achieves nothing at all.

It is pretty obvious that he realised what happened given that you were screaming and shouting at him in the car park and that he drove off

But he only drove off after the second time you tried to alert him, so it does look as if he was deliberately ignoring you the first time,which is very scary and dangerous and unlawful.

He made a simple mistake in the car park. Nothing happened, Not so – he made a mistake, you alerted him to it and he did it again. No wonder you were scared.

But it is more likely that he just didn't check before reversing, and it was a mistake, or carelessness. IF the OP and her child had been injured the male driver would have been in big trouble. The fact that he wasn't intending them harm is irrelevant. Even if 'all' he did wrong was being careless, he was still not driving in a safe manner. In fact OP, by reacting as you did in the car park,you saved yourself and your child from injury and saved him from at least, being banned from driving, but maybe also from a fine and prison sentence. He should be grateful to you.

Maybe he has bad eyesight or bad depth perception so parking next to another car helps him cue it up. Maybe he's had bad health news and isn't feeling quite with it. Whatever is happening to him, he's in charge of a lethal weapon and if his state of mind means he can't use it safely, he needs to be aware of this. As I said before,an injury hurts just as much whatever the reason for it. He would not get away with it in Court if he injured or even killed someonein this sort of situation. And he'd have to live with himself. If he'snot fit to drive,then he shouldn't be driving.

He may have had a lot on his mind and have just assumed the op had seen him so would move out of his way. Indefensible way to act when driving.

if you'd posted this in a German forum, Good point. In many parts of Europe, if there's an incident between a car and a pedestrian, the car driver is automatically at fault.

a stranger who actually hadn't done anything wrong Yes he had! He was driving in a way likely to harm a pedestrian (which she was as out of the car and with her feet on the ground) and a child. Either he didn't realise that they were in his way,which is indefensible, or he didn't care and wanted to force them out of his way. Totally indefensible.

OP you were understandably frightened by this man's behaviour and did your best to alert him to what was happening – which he initially ignored. I can see that putting your child back in the car where he would then be unrestrained is something you didn't want to do. And also that even if you'd been able to do this in the time and then slam the door shut,your child would have been frightened –you could have trapped your or your child's fingers. And where were you supposed to go? Just flattening yourself against your car wouldn't have necessarily been safe and would also have been frightening. And could have resulted in him actually harming you -a much worse outcome for everyone.

Unfortunately, you put him into a defensive mode when you confronted him. A better thing to do in these circumstances, I think , is to be assertive, so here is a script.

'When you...describe what they did

I felt...describe how you felt. Maybe leave a pause where he could apologise. Then the rest of the script doesn't need to be used.

I would have preferred it if you...describe what you think they should have done.

It's hard to argue against because you haven't made any assumptions, just stuck to the facts and your feelings. Even the preferred behaviour is your opinion. This script works in many situations and although it feels strange to do and takes practice. But it means you have dealt with the problem, without backing the other person into a corner. Of course, they might still react in an angry way, but that's on them. I'd sooner live in a world were people challenged antisocial and unreasonable behaviour assertively like this, than one where it's handled aggressively or people are too scared to tackle it and poor behaviour becomes the norm.

I hope you feel better now. Maybe write a letter to the surgery,apologising for your part in this incident and thanking the Receptionist for coming to your aid. Good luck and I'm glad neither you not your child were innjured.

Wow amazingly detailed response and insightful thank you...I have to wonder if you are in some sort of mediation or health and safety employment as you really analysed this rationally and objectively? Something I am not able to do! I actually already wrote a statement and thanked and apologised the receptionist, sure she didn't need that kind of sh*t added to her day! I feel so guilty she ended up involved and wish I hadn't approached it the way I did. I know I struggle with adrenaline because if I have to do a presentation or interview I really struggle with the heart pounding, fear feeling and go into lockdown..I think I do have a big mamma bear thing though where if it affects my child I am more likely to bite!

OP posts:
FillFall · 09/02/2024 16:53

I would have thought him thoughtless or a bit daft but it wouldn't have crossed my mind he was parking there to be aggressive or to annoy you.

If I'd seen you in the doctors I'd have thought you were behaving really badly. I think you were behaving unfairly on everyone involved. At least you, sort of, acknowledge that.

I'm not someone that ever has a temper so I find it a little hard to understand the mindset of people who are mouthy or bolshy. I have no problem standing up for myself even in quite awkward situations but I never loose my composure. It's far more effective to deal with things calmly and rationally. There are also times when I know it's pointless or potentially dangerous to say anything so I don't.

I do wonder how all the people who go through life having road rage and getting angry about things get through life. It must be tiring.

It's also a terrible example to set for your son.

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