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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my mum wants to get my wedding photos edited?

187 replies

riotlady · 09/02/2024 09:11

I got married a couple of years ago and we had a really lovely photographer who is old friends with my husband so kindly gave us a discount (still not cheap though, obviously!) and we were really happy with the results.

My parents don’t like having photos up in the house but asked us for a photobook which I said I would sort out, but now they’ve changed their mind and said they want to send a our wedding photos to a family member to edit them for them. Apparently he’s already done one for them to make it “better”, which feels a little rude to be honest. Family member has a photography style that I don’t really enjoy (a little cheesy if that makes sense- the sort where he’ll put everything in black and white but leave a little girls dress pink) whereas our photographer was more of a natural documentary style.

Fair enough that it’s not my parents style and not what they would have chosen, but they’re my wedding pictures and I really like them! It feels a bit disrespectful to our photographer and to us. Initially I said yes that’s fine (as I usually do with my mum) but now I feel quite reluctant about it. Not sure if I’m being precious and I should let them get on with it or if it’s a fair thing to object to.

OP posts:

forrestgreen · 09/02/2024 10:58

I'd just say that you've checked the contract and the photos can't be edited by a third party so you'll have to say no.

saraclara · 09/02/2024 10:56

It's unheard of for a professional photographer NOT to include copyright in the contract. So you can safely tell your mum that you can't do this.

If her friend is a photographer, they'll know they can't ask for this.

MCOut · 09/02/2024 10:52

I’m usually on Team don’t sweat the small stuff but this would annoy me. There will be a copyright issue, but there’s no problem with you saying that you chose the photographer you did for a reason, you don’t like family members style and you don’t want them retouching your wedding photos. It’s unnecessary. If she doesn’t like them then she doesn’t put them up.

VoleChomper · 09/02/2024 10:51

I'd roll my eyes at it but just let them get on with it. I don't think I'd be overly bothered.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 09/02/2024 10:50

Wouldn’t bother me - in my mind their art is their taste but if it bothers you just say so?

Luddite26 · 09/02/2024 10:47

This has really rattled me lol !

Thiswayorthatway · 09/02/2024 10:47

Your original photographer owns the copyright in the photos so you can’t share them with anyone without their permission.

TwelveKeys · 09/02/2024 10:42

They want it to look like Schindler's List?! No thanks.

Luddite26 · 09/02/2024 10:38

Tell them no the CFS.
They're your photos it was your day they've had theirs and I'm speaking as a parent. I think it's rude and unnecessary.

LoobyDop · 09/02/2024 10:23

Just forget to send her the files for ages, and then say you can’t find them.

Riverlee · 09/02/2024 10:04

FluffyFlufferson · 09/02/2024 09:19

My MIL edited mine because she didn’t like the colour of the flowers. Then she presented us with the ‘improved’ version in a frame for Christmas. It annoyed me a lot!

That’s awful!

Original poster

riotlady · 09/02/2024 10:02

DwightDFlysenhower · 09/02/2024 09:48

I don't think I'd really like it, because it wouldn't be the look I wanted for my photos.

On the other hand, I'd have got the photo book sorted much sooner so she wouldn't have been waiting and planning edits in her head!

I would have (I did one for my Granny ages ago) but she kept saying she wanted to choose the photos then didn’t have time to sit and look through them all and choose. My dad was unwell so I think we all forgot about it for a while

OP posts:

LittleLittleRex · 09/02/2024 09:58

Send her one or two but be very clear that you don't like this style and don't want anything to do with the end result. She can decorate her house with his handiwork if she wants, but don't get in the position where she thinks she's done you a favour and gifts you copies of the tacky prints.

My DH has a relative who thinks he discovered photoshop - it's so tiresome. Any pictures he "edits" he then gifts on mouse mats, mugs etc. Usually he adds comedy touches, like a cage and "don't feed the animals" on my kids pictures, for example, so at least he isn't pretending to be artistic and better in some way.

ChristmasTreeMagic · 09/02/2024 09:57

I wouldn't want this either OP & I also can't believe all the people who say they wouldn't be bothered by this..

Just because she's your mum doesn't mean you have to concede to anything she wants. And it doesn't mean you love her any less (as seems to be what's being implied by some posters) if you say no that doesn't work

skybluekitty · 09/02/2024 09:55

ItsAllGoingWrongNow · 09/02/2024 09:35

But what's the actual harm? Are people that unbelievably precious about their wedding photos?

Life is far too short to stress about something like this.

Of course there's no actual 'harm' but there's no actual harm in lots of things that people don't want to happen.

The OP is allowed to be irritated by it, people spend hundreds of pounds on their wedding photos and they want them to be a reflection of their style and their day, not some horrible photoshopped version that someone else (who presumably didn't pay for said photos) prefers.

Dapbag · 09/02/2024 09:52

lifeispainauchocolat · 09/02/2024 09:47

I get what people are saying about copyright but it's not like the original photographer is going to go round OP's mums' house and sue for some edited photos on the wall

....or knock on Grandma's door requesting compensation because little Ella's dress is pink in the copy she has on her dressing table.

I was married in 1988....all my wedding photos look ridiculous now. It happens to everyone. When I look back what I see are the people I love who are dead now and the fashion, photography style and hairdos (it was the 80s!!) are totally unimportant.

This is a storm in the tea cup of a long life. If you love your mum and that's what she wants, then hey ho.

ABCDEFGHIJK123456 · 09/02/2024 09:52

Florabella · 09/02/2024 09:17

It is breaking your photographer's copyright for someone else to edit their photos. Check your contract

This.

Using someone else's work

skybluekitty · 09/02/2024 09:51

It's weird, for sure, but I could understand it if she wanted some editing done on a photo of herself that she wasn't happy with. But wanting to edit ALL the photos?!

I wouldn't like it either. You obviously can't stop her with the photos she already has, but personally I wouldn't want to send any more on.

DwightDFlysenhower · 09/02/2024 09:48

I don't think I'd really like it, because it wouldn't be the look I wanted for my photos.

On the other hand, I'd have got the photo book sorted much sooner so she wouldn't have been waiting and planning edits in her head!

lifeispainauchocolat · 09/02/2024 09:47

I get what people are saying about copyright but it's not like the original photographer is going to go round OP's mums' house and sue for some edited photos on the wall

nocalorieleftbehind · 09/02/2024 09:45

I'm not sure why it's upsetting unless she plans to photoshop out your husband's face and replace him with a different man...

Maddy70 · 09/02/2024 09:45

I couldn't get worked up about that tbh. What's the harm?

ItsAllGoingWrongNow · 09/02/2024 09:43

Createausername1970 · 09/02/2024 09:41

And life is too short to be faffing around emailing 100 photos to someone when you don't want them changed anyway.

Show quote history

But they'll be in a folder surely? It will take seconds. And it's her mum.

I just can't imagine giving any of this more than 3 seconds of my time and energy

HowToSaveAWife · 09/02/2024 09:41

There's no way in hell any professional photographer would allow their photos to be edited by a third party, photog owns the copyright, regardless of who is in them.

So tough shit mother, you have to make do with the beautiful documentary style.

Your mother sounds like someone who could do with not getting her way for once.

ETA: you don't need to show her the contract, but just tell her you asked snapper for the original digital files and he said no he holds the copyright so won't be supplying for that purpose.